Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 11:07     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DD is going random, as did my son. It was not even a thought. Should she be doing the IM thing? She didn’t even consider it but she’s quite shy.


I think that's a difference. Some kids are totally fine with random, but others aren't once it becomes an option to go find someone on your own.


Stick with random. Girls who go the IG route are a self-selecting bunch. They’re likely way more socially assertive and outgoing.

Encourage her to fill out the school roommate form honestly and trust the process. Colleges have matched freshman roommates forever, and the goal is pleasant and good enough. There are SO many ways to meet friends and enjoy college. It’s not dependent on a single roommate.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 11:01     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Go random. Less drama, lower expectations, and often a surprisingly good one-year result.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 10:49     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Anonymous wrote:Ridiculous. They should go back to random for everyone the way it used to be.


Seriously, it was so much less stressful that way!
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 10:48     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Get off of social media - it's fake and unreliable highlight reel.

Go random, it usually works out better or well enough than trying to make a quick match off of superficial indicators.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 10:10     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Anonymous wrote:Sometimes overthinking the roommate process selection can backfire because it comes with heightened expectations. Nothing wrong with random- better to go into something with lower expectations.


+1

Random is definately the way to go. You cannot really know someone from a teenagers Social media posts---those are not real life. Much easier to deal with a roommate if you didn't "pick them", especially if it doesn't work out and you don't become best friends.

both of my kids did random, both knew nobody at the schools they attended (2-3K miles from home). First is best friends with roommates 5 years post graduation.
Other had a roommate who was polite and respectful, but didn't want to make friends---their bestie from home was in another dorm and they only hung out with each other (and really didnt' make any new friends). But they were polite and nice and my kid got along well with them. They haven't seen each other since end of freshman year. My kid was fine with it, has a group of 15+ great friends and it all worked out.

Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 10:06     Subject: Re:The roommate finding process is a drag
The reality is you can get a terrible roommate either way. One of my kids went random the other found a roommate on social media. Both were horrible and the SM one was downright crazy.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 09:42     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think as a parent we can help adjust the kids expectations.

1. They are not necessarily being ghosted in the same sense that a friend or boyfriend ghosts you. She doesn't know these kids. They don't know her. They may not see the message or may already have a roommate or be talking to someone. Try to downplay the "Ghosting" aspect.
2. Roommate activity seems to get busiest about a week before the deadline for those names to be turned in, or whatever. Kids didn't even finally pick schools til May 1!
3. This one is important. People need to get over the glorified image of freshman year in college. You will not necessarily meet your maid of honor or your kid's godmother as your freshman year roommate. People think of this as instant friends. Sometimes, maybe. But what you are looking for is a considerate person to share a room with first and foremost.

I can go on and on with stories of roommates matched who spent al summer and a fortune picking out the perfect room and hated each other within 2 months. One even had to change rooms (it rose to a level even the school could not tolerate and that's saying a lot). She eventually got a random assigned roommate and guess what - they were considerate and kind and there were no "elephants in the room" of having to feel this pressure of being BFFs. Be careful what you wish for.

That's my two cents.

Find someone who you share the following thing with: Neat/messy, guests over/not over, tolerance to lights on at night.

That's really all you need, and coincidentally, what the algorithms at the school usually do a really good job with when people are matched randomly.


This is the best advice I've seen on this. Thank you


+1
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 09:42     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Anonymous wrote:DC has been trying to find a roommate before the housing app closes. She can go random, but definitely feels nervous about that. The process of messaging tons of people on social in the hopes that anyone writes back and then doesn’t already have a roommate is draining it and adding a lot of stress. I’m sure seeing cute dorm rooms on social has played into it. The dorm rooms at DC’s college are very small, so it makes sense that they want to room with someone who will want to make a cohesive living space. I kind of hate this process. It’s hard not to take it personally.


Probably best to let your daughter navigate this herself. A lot of kids are in the same boat, and her friends can be a good resource.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 09:40     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Most girls use social media and/or schedule meet ups at admitted student day. OP did your DC just decide on May 1 because the roommate search starts early!


This. Its late for girls to find roommates now. I'd just go random.


That’s silly. Many kids decide at deadline and find roommates.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 09:39     Subject: Re:The roommate finding process is a drag
Anonymous wrote:My kid has heard too many stories of self-selected roommates falling apart so has decided to go random. But the first-year dorm at her school is mostly suite-style with singles (and own bathroom) so risk is relatively low ... and, unless she managed to recruit five other people, there would still be some random roommates in the suite


Oh, how I wish suites were common at DC's school. Most rooms are about 11x12. DC did not pick the school based upong dorms. :p
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 09:38     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Anonymous wrote:Most girls use social media and/or schedule meet ups at admitted student day. OP did your DC just decide on May 1 because the roommate search starts early!


This. Its late for girls to find roommates now. I'd just go random.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 09:37     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Anonymous wrote:Most girls use social media and/or schedule meet ups at admitted student day. OP did your DC just decide on May 1 because the roommate search starts early!


A lot of kids don't decide until right around May 1.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 09:37     Subject: Re:The roommate finding process is a drag
My kid has heard too many stories of self-selected roommates falling apart so has decided to go random. But the first-year dorm at her school is mostly suite-style with singles (and own bathroom) so risk is relatively low ... and, unless she managed to recruit five other people, there would still be some random roommates in the suite
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 09:29     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
My room mates mother said: I expect you to make Phi Beta Kappa . My mother said just pass. He bled from a peptic ulcer and I enjoyed college.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2025 09:26     Subject: The roommate finding process is a drag
Most girls use social media and/or schedule meet ups at admitted student day. OP did your DC just decide on May 1 because the roommate search starts early!