You are on a slippery slope. No more work husbands, and no more unnecessary time spent with this work husband. That woman did you a favor. This is your chance to save face at work and prevent yourself from entering an affair.

Anonymous wrote:You are already having an affair, OP.

+1

You are already having an affair, OP.

It isn't really fair to this guy either. Sneaking around with him when really you are just using him for attention and to get your own needs met.

OP do you have kids? If not, why not get a divorce? It doesn’t sound like your DH is giving you much. Great partnership… but he’s always traveling and never around?

Just be single and then you can flirt and turn your fantasies into reality without guilt.

NP. Wouldn't the easiest solution be for one of the two to change jobs? The close contact is feeding the emotional affair. Reducing contact would create space to recalibrate the relationship.

OP, I had an affair at one point. We reconciled. Then I got a new job. My boss was an awesome guy and we got along great. We had the same interests, same sense of humor, were similar in age so referenced culture stuff for jokes, I was really thankful to work for someone I got along well with. HOWEVER. I was always very cognizant of our relationship like how we appeared to others. I never hung out in his office with the door closed. We went and got lunch sometimes, and always would ask if anyone wanted to join us on the way out. We talked a lot about our families. I had this boundary for my own personal integrity...I knew what could happen when boundaries get blurred, and despite me having no romantic interest in this man, I decided to create my own boundaries for myself. And I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about me or my boss.

I agree with PP...you are already in an emotional affair. You are justifying your actions to yourself..."it's not a deep romantic connection." "No intimacy." "Harmless crush." "Work husband." Have you heard the phrase, the grass will grow where you water it? Well you're watering the heck out of the work husband and ignoring the real husband. So OF COURSE the work husband will look better and make you feel better. Understand?

But yeah, you're on a slippery slope. Especially at work. Also do you really want to jeopardize your career over this? Because let's face it, it's always the woman who gets blamed when gossip like this comes out. Especially when he's divorced and you're married.

OP, it's not harmless if someone at work has given you a warning. Most people are pretty reluctant to open their mouths about other people's potentially embarrassing behaviors.

If that one person has picked up on it, somebody else may have as well. They just don't care what happens to you two.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the honest feedback. I love my husband but, honestly, it's more like a great partnership, not a deeply romantic connection. I have had work husbands in the past, but i have always remained platonic -- it's more about the "light" companionship and, in the case of this guy, the harmless "fantasy." Due to personal issues, I must admit I enjoy affirmation and attention. I guess I am naive but my take is that, if I don't acknowledge the vibe they may be sending me, nothing is going to happen. I am also quite conservative, which is why I dislike the idea of affairs.

But I see what you are saying. It's just a company that I enjoy very much and that, to this point, has remained harmless. I'd be very sad to lose this connection.

OP, you’ve lost the plot here. Sorry.

You’re defending a lot of things without understanding that that stuff you’re giving this guy should be being put into your marriage. You complain about a loss of connection with your husband …. While connecting with several “work husbands”.

You need to decide what you want, although what you seem to want is this, without consequence. My xDH wanted that too, until he got caught. You’re on the brink of both it going way too far. And getting caught. It’s fine if it’s what you want, but end your marriage and start up with this “work husband”.

And F off , honestly and without respect, with your repeated apparent “dislike of affairs”. If you’re sneaking around, you’re in one already, although what some people would call an emotional affair. You’re pouring into other people what sounds like should be poured into your marriage, under the guise of a travelling DH. You’re not as conservative as you’re trying to convince yourself you are when it’s a stream of “work husbands”.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the honest feedback. I love my husband but, honestly, it's more like a great partnership, not a deeply romantic connection. I have had work husbands in the past, but i have always remained platonic -- it's more about the "light" companionship and, in the case of this guy, the harmless "fantasy." Due to personal issues, I must admit I enjoy affirmation and attention. I guess I am naive but my take is that, if I don't acknowledge the vibe they may be sending me, nothing is going to happen. I am also quite conservative, which is why I dislike the idea of affairs.

But I see what you are saying. It's just a company that I enjoy very much and that, to this point, has remained harmless. I'd be very sad to lose this connection.

OP, you’ve lost the plot here. Sorry.

You’re defending a lot of things without understanding that that stuff you’re giving this guy should be being put into your marriage. You complain about a loss of connection with your husband …. While connecting with several “work husbands”.

You need to decide what you want, although what you seem to want is this, without consequence. My xDH wanted that too, until he got caught. You’re on the brink of both it going way too far. And getting caught. It’s fine if it’s what you want, but end your marriage and start up with this “work husband”.

Anonymous wrote:If tongues are starting to wag then yes, you’re on the slippery slope.

Not just a slope, a luge. Things can happen fast, like “match, meet dry straw” fast.