Hate to break it to everyone, but cigarettes are gaining popularity again. It felt like they went away forever, but they are back. Try not to lose your minds over it.

Get therapy and learn how to cope and effectively parent your rebellious daughter. Also get your daughter into therapy - can’t hurt. My sister was into drugs, smoking and drinking at age 12 and my mom tried everything except disowning her but nothing helped until she grew out of it (she had some unresolved trauma from my mentally/physically abusive father - parents divorced at this point). Sister is super successful, a health nut and a great mom to her two kids - really close with our mom. Mom was always there for her emotionally and that mattered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today I caught DD (16) smoking on our fire escape. Now both of my parents passed away from lung cancer so this really, really hurt outside of the normal anger you'd expect. I didn't handle it well, started screaming at her and asking if she wanted to die of cancer. Especially bc my younger daughter has asthma I can't tolerate this, I don't know if I should even just disown her or something because this is just to much. What would you do?

She has every right to kill herself. If you don't want her to kill herself, give her something to live for; don't bully her.

About 15% of smokers develop lung cancer. The longer you smoke the more likely you will be one of them. Not too many of them still smoke into adulthood because they are able to understand the risks better and it just becomes an inconvenience.

Do you know of any reason she would start? There are smokers in ballet. My daughter was smoking at 16 at her full time ballet school. None of the girls that age would quit because they didn’t want to gain weight. She did quit recently at 18 because she’s thinking of having a family some day.

Some teens say it helps to smoke a cigarette when they’re anxious. And girls use it to control weight like my daughter did. Ask her in a normal conversation when she started and why

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smoking is considered a low-class/trashy habit nowadays so parents are much more likely to fly off the handle about it. It looks like a one-way ticket to downward mobility. If your kid was sneaking Adderall would you be this upset?
I suggest you have a calm conversation about this and stop giving her money. If she wants cigarettes so badly she can earn the money for them. I suspect this will just be a teenage phase.

Sneaking Adderall is far worse. That's a half step from a fentanyl laced pill that is instant death.

Correct, but UMC parents act like smoking a cigarette is the worst thing a teen can do. They'll provide the booze at parties, look the other way at weed candy, ignore that their kid never eats or sleeps as long as those grades are good...but CIGARETTES! EWWW!

This is why we should bring back the pillory.

How did you reach this stage in your parenting? I am shocked.

Do I think my kids will have risky behavior when I am not looking. Absolutely. But, they also know that game over, if I find out.

My teenage told me that he is less scared of the police arresting him than me finding out if he does something nefarious. So, the easy way for them is to walk on the straight and narrow. Then they also attract people who are walking on the straight and narrow.

This sounds very dramatic. When you freak out over cigarettes, it makes your kids question how bad other things like pills/powders are, which can actually kill you in one dose. Cigarettes take a long time to give you cancer, and there is plenty of time to quit. I try to apportion my concern to the actual level of risk.

My DD has respiratory issues and this was a hill I felt I needed to die on, whether it be cigarettes or vaping. However, she could see up close and personal the damage long-time smoking can have as my mother smoked for decades and has chronic sinus issues, a cough, and significant wrinkles for a woman her age. I also told DD about the time I recall coming home from school one day and my mother was crying because she was trying to quit cold turkey and was so addicted. The pediatrician has had lengthy talks with DD. We give her scientific information and point her to the latest research as well as give her personal anecdotes from our experience. When younger, we role played scenarios where she was offered cigarettes or vapes and helped her come up with ways to decline and get out of the situation. Hopefully some of these tactics may help.

Anonymous wrote:She will just smoke somewhere else. I have on off again smoked since 17. I would not play the lung cancer angle (very sorry about your parents) but the vanity angle. Yellow teeth, wrinkles, big pores.

This is what I’m already doing with my 13 year old. She knows all the dangers of smoking, but I’m focusing now in yellow teeth and aging early. I’m hoping it works!

Anonymous wrote:She will just smoke somewhere else. I have on off again smoked since 17. I would not play the lung cancer angle (very sorry about your parents) but the vanity angle. Yellow teeth, wrinkles, big pores.

good point. This what my mom did and it worked.

Anonymous wrote:Smoking is considered a low-class/trashy habit nowadays so parents are much more likely to fly off the handle about it. It looks like a one-way ticket to downward mobility. If your kid was sneaking Adderall would you be this upset?
I suggest you have a calm conversation about this and stop giving her money. If she wants cigarettes so badly she can earn the money for them. I suspect this will just be a teenage phase.

Sneaking Adderall is far worse. That's a half step from a fentanyl laced pill that is instant death.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both need to get in therapy now.

Oh give me a break. OP doesn’t need therapy. Anger is a normal emotion. Living in a box where your emotions are controlled at all times isn’t exactly normal, or even ideal.

The anger OP showed might be precisely what is needed.

I agree what is inappropriate parenting of a toddler can be appropriate for a 16yo. She showed her daughter she is also a human being

Anonymous wrote:Her smoking has nothing to do with you.

I'm sure she has been educated ans she understands the risk but young kids really don't understand the consequences.

Where does she get mo ey to buy cigarettes? I woukd not give her money and would not pay for things like that. If you want to kill yourself do it on your own dime.

I would mention the bottom she will need for smokers lips and wrinkles. The smell being a turn off and the yellow teeth.

She is getting cigs from her "friends". OP needs to find a way to separate her from the "friends" even if it means switching schools. Sign her up for extracurriculars so she doesn't have time to get into trouble

Bottom = botox.

Her smoking has nothing to do with you.

I'm sure she has been educated ans she understands the risk but young kids really don't understand the consequences.

Where does she get mo ey to buy cigarettes? I woukd not give her money and would not pay for things like that. If you want to kill yourself do it on your own dime.

I would mention the bottom she will need for smokers lips and wrinkles. The smell being a turn off and the yellow teeth.