Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 21:21     Subject: Re:DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Another parent sent me a photo of him smoking. I will never disclose the evidence to my son, though.


Then you have no standing not accuse him of anything.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 20:30     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:Make him smoke a whole pack at one time when he gets back.


+100
+100 He won't ever smoke again.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 18:51     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I mean I get it bc we all know smoking is terrible. But…when did every poster here have their first cigarette? Bc I don’t know a soul who didn’t try it by 17.

Everyone is always handwringing about how much teens nowadays are unsocial introverted screen zombies with no friends or romantic interests, but then when their teens do totally normal teen things that we all did in the 90s while socializing, they act like their kids are ruined. If your teens are out and living life, this is going to happen. Keep having conversations, or I guess lock your kids up and they can stare at their phones where they are “safe” ?


To your first paragraph… seriously? Never is when I first smoked, and same for my DH, all my siblings, and my good friends from HS. Where/when did you grow up?

But that said, I’d have a conversation after he’s home. You don’t know if it was a one time thing, if he’s already hooked, etc. Start with just talking to him.


Really? Not that PP but this was also true for me and I was a "goody 2 shoes" kid. Graduated in suburban CT in the late 90s. I had tried my first cigarette my senior year in highschool and then socially smoked verrry occasionally in college and my early 20s until the law went unto effect outlawing smoking indoors in bars/restaurants.

So much more common back then. My roommate in college (small liberal arts college) smoked a lot and it was a common "punishment" for kids in college caught drinking to in their dorm room to have to walk around sweeping the piles of cigarette butts at all the dorm entrances.


I was a social smoker in college. I quit at around 24. Back then girls were bigger smokers than the guys in my group. To the previous poster, where someone grew up has nothing to do with it.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 15:24     Subject: Re:DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
I would ask him about it and respond based upon the answer. It may have been a posed photograph. It may have been something that he tried once, didn't like, and won't try again.

Either way, it's his life and his health, and, unlike most illegal drugs, tobacco isn't likely to cause harm to others (secondhand smoke aside). If it becomes a habit, you can and should refuse to allow it in your home and refuse to support it financially.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 14:22     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
He's almost 18 let it go. Why did you send your 16 year old away if you wanted complete control over him?
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 14:06     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:When you send a teenager away to a foreign country, I think you should completely assume they will drink and smoke. They are less supervised and social norms are really different. You also have no idea if this picture is a one off or he is smoking daily. Honestly, I think you need to simmer down.

Let him come home. Be happy to see him. Give it a week and then bring up that you know he was smoking and want to discuss how much he was doing it and whether he needs some sort of help in quitting.

Add me to the list of people that smoked socially a bit from age 13-22. It was completely stupid. I am appalled with myself. I was also a kid with super high grades that finished at an Ivy League law school. Luckily, I never had a trouble quitting because it was just a social thing and apparently I’m not someone that easily gets addicted to nicotine.

There’s really no reason to be appalled with yourself. All of my friends except for two smoked in high school and/or college. Except for one person we all quit after college. Many people smoked 20 years ago.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 14:00     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have a conversation and approach it from a place is empathy.

Give him the homecoming you want. Then at a separate point, sit down, show him or don't show him the photo, but say "hey, I saw a photo of you smoking on your trip. What's going on?" And open the conversation from there.



This is the best advice in the thread.


This.
I truly can't believe some of the insane responses.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 12:47     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Hopefully it's just a phase before he gets hooked. At his 6 month dental checkup his dentist will most likely give him a lecture about his stained brown teeth and bad breath.

Most people will not want to kiss someone who smokes so that makes dating difficult. Good luck.

Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 12:43     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Make him smoke a whole pack at one time when he gets back.


I literally came here to say this. This approach actually works.


Stupidest comment yet. He’s 17 not 12. You can’t “make him” smoke a whole pack at once.

Some kids take up smoking. It’s disappointing but not the end of the world. He’s close to being an adult now and probably at some point will drop the habit. Don’t harp on it. Don’t try to control every decision he makes good or bad.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 11:02     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:Make him smoke a whole pack at one time when he gets back.


I literally came here to say this. This approach actually works.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 10:52     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:When you send a teenager away to a foreign country, I think you should completely assume they will drink and smoke. They are less supervised and social norms are really different. You also have no idea if this picture is a one off or he is smoking daily. Honestly, I think you need to simmer down.

Let him come home. Be happy to see him. Give it a week and then bring up that you know he was smoking and want to discuss how much he was doing it and whether he needs some sort of help in quitting.

Add me to the list of people that smoked socially a bit from age 13-22. It was completely stupid. I am appalled with myself. I was also a kid with super high grades that finished at an Ivy League law school. Luckily, I never had an trouble quitting because it was just a social thing and apparently I’m not someone that easily gets addicted to nicotine.


+1

Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 10:50     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
One good thrashing is needed.

Though, how a 17 year old thought that this would be acceptable?
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2025 10:48     Subject: DS smoking cigarettes WWYD?
Make him smoke a whole pack at one time when he gets back.