Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would advise her it’s a bad area and let her make up her mind. In college friends and I stayed in plenty of sketchy places I wouldn’t now going on vacation and survived.

OP- I posted several times that I DID offer to pay more towards a better hotel, and I think posters are not seeing it somehow because they keep advising to do what I already did. I already gave her money for the trip as well, plus she has savings. Her friend has less money. At this point all the cheapish options in better areas are booked so it'd be an extra 500+ for me to pay. I would not be happy about it (considering she has 2k from me already and that's after flight I already paid for) but if they felt strongly about it I would pay it. Instead they have the opposite attitude and do not seem concerned. So it's a real struggle for me figuring out how much to press.

Why is this a struggle? You are done. You said your piece, she heard you speak, enough. If you hassle her, this is the last time she'll tell you about where she's staying.

Sincerely,
Someone whose mother is like you

Respectfully, I doubt I am like your mom because I do enjoy meddling and giving opinions. I would like for dd to handle things more independently especially with decision making because she is so indecisive and also can be passive about making decisions, so she relies on others including me a lot to decide for her when it comes to things big and small. In this case the girls just feel like it's fine, we're done and we don't want to look for another hotel. This is partly due to cost (despite my saying I'd help more) and partly not wanting to bother with looking. But once there, what if they do not feel safe? Who will solve the issue? I have a strong feeling it is going to be me and I would rather that not happen. So I am really thinking not intervening now will backfire later if that makes sense, while also having NO desire to intervene because I'd like for her to figure things out more. That is my big struggle with dd at this in-between age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would advise her it’s a bad area and let her make up her mind. In college friends and I stayed in plenty of sketchy places I wouldn’t now going on vacation and survived.

OP- I posted several times that I DID offer to pay more towards a better hotel, and I think posters are not seeing it somehow because they keep advising to do what I already did. I already gave her money for the trip as well, plus she has savings. Her friend has less money. At this point all the cheapish options in better areas are booked so it'd be an extra 500+ for me to pay. I would not be happy about it (considering she has 2k from me already and that's after flight I already paid for) but if they felt strongly about it I would pay it. Instead they have the opposite attitude and do not seem concerned. So it's a real struggle for me figuring out how much to press.

Why is this a struggle? You are done. You said your piece, she heard you speak, enough. If you hassle her, this is the last time she'll tell you about where she's staying.

Sincerely,
Someone whose mother is like you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would advise her it’s a bad area and let her make up her mind. In college friends and I stayed in plenty of sketchy places I wouldn’t now going on vacation and survived.

OP- I posted several times that I DID offer to pay more towards a better hotel, and I think posters are not seeing it somehow because they keep advising to do what I already did. I already gave her money for the trip as well, plus she has savings. Her friend has less money. At this point all the cheapish options in better areas are booked so it'd be an extra 500+ for me to pay. I would not be happy about it (considering she has 2k from me already and that's after flight I already paid for) but if they felt strongly about it I would pay it. Instead they have the opposite attitude and do not seem concerned. So it's a real struggle for me figuring out how much to press.

When she says, "Mom, what do you think of this hotel?" You say something like, "Check the reviews and make sure the area is safe. Check the cost of parking too--sometimes they gouge you on that." Then you let her do it. You don't do the checking for her. She's an adult.

This. Don't dictate, just give pointers on how to "adult". I would also share stories from my own time travelling as a college student and how to be situationally aware. I am remembering getting propositioned by a seedy hostel manager in Amsterdam. Tell her actual experiences of yours and friends and how those situations were navigated successfully (or not). Most important thing for young women travelling is to learn to trust your gut and not feel obligated to just "be nice".