Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, your child school has seen concerning behaviors as early as preschool, and you’re trying to decide between getting your child help versus making sure they can continue in the most prestigious school possible?

I think OP is trying to figure out if her child and the school is part of the dynamic leading to the obvious overdiagnosis of ADHD.

DP. What’s obvious is that the kids behavior isn’t working for the school. They either need to know more about his needs to determine if they can support him -which they will probably try to do first - or counsel him out. Either way, the current situation doesn’t seem to be working for the kid or the school. Parents either have to work with the school or find an alternative placement (which might be all their son needs). We’re in a similar boat and are working with the school. If it’s not a fit we move our son to a different school. You don’t want your kid somewhere he’s not thriving and can’t be supported. As a parent you want as much info as possible.

I think when it’s a first kid and the kid seems fairly typical it’s hard to know how seriously to take the school’s concerns, particularly if they sound very trivial and there’s other stuff going on in the kid’s life. Like a move or new sibling. Often the school is right—they see a lot of kids—but I get why someone might hesitate.

FWIW my mom used to teach at a private school and a large percentage of the first/second grade boys were on ADHD meds. The issues might be real and yet it’s hard not to feel like this might be overkill.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, your child school has seen concerning behaviors as early as preschool, and you’re trying to decide between getting your child help versus making sure they can continue in the most prestigious school possible?

I think OP is trying to figure out if her child and the school is part of the dynamic leading to the obvious overdiagnosis of ADHD.

DP. What’s obvious is that the kids behavior isn’t working for the school. They either need to know more about his needs to determine if they can support him -which they will probably try to do first - or counsel him out. Either way, the current situation doesn’t seem to be working for the kid or the school. Parents either have to work with the school or find an alternative placement (which might be all their son needs). We’re in a similar boat and are working with the school. If it’s not a fit we move our son to a different school. You don’t want your kid somewhere he’s not thriving and can’t be supported. As a parent you want as much info as possible.

Anonymous wrote:Just to be clear, your child school has seen concerning behaviors as early as preschool, and you’re trying to decide between getting your child help versus making sure they can continue in the most prestigious school possible?

I think OP is trying to figure out if her child and the school is part of the dynamic leading to the obvious overdiagnosis of ADHD.

Just to be clear, your child school has seen concerning behaviors as early as preschool, and you’re trying to decide between getting your child help versus making sure they can continue in the most prestigious school possible?

Our oldest kids are at a big 5. Our youngest child did not even apply, based on feedback from her preschool. We put dc at a different school that’s a much better fit. Curious why you wouldn’t have teased out the concerns your preschool had and found a better fit?
As far as the neuropsych, I would book one asap. Our school recommended one for my oldest in 2nd grade. The results of it were not what we expected and gave us a ton of useful info. The school paired him with extra support in math and a few other areas for the remainder of lower school. He also took assessments in a more private space so as not to get distracted. The learning specialists at the school helped him learn strategies that worked with what the neuropsych revealed. He used fewer and fewer of these resources as he moved into middle school and beyond bc he had learned how he best learned. He’s still at the same school but in upper school without any accommodations and has straight As. My point is it’s not necessarily to counsel him out - I’d hope that your school wants it for info to see how to best teach and work with him. See who your school recommends? Ours had a few they regularly work with. There’s quite a wait to get in, so jump on it to try to get in this summer

NP - my advice is to tread carefully. We had this happen and the school used testing as a reason to counsel out. That’s typically the reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As previous posters of sad, you have to get the neuropsych if you want to stay at the school. It’s likely that you’ll get a diagnosis. The most likely thing is that the school works with you for at least a while as you experiment with interventions like accommodations at school, support, OT, possibly medication if the diagnosis is ADHD. Showing that you’re supportive and will partner with the school (aka do what they say) is the best chance of staying. Lots of kids either diagnosed stay at their original schools but as a parent of one I will say it was stressful the whole way through.

The pps have a point that ADHD is diagnosed in a lot of children in private school. You might look around at other settings they are more tolerant / have more outdoor time to get through the next several years.

Can you say more about what was stressful?

Almost every year there was some “incident” or situation the school called us in to discuss. Sometimes it felt like ordinary run of the mill kid stuff was seen through the lens of dc’s diagnosis, so things that would have gone without notice in other kids became a reason for the school to recommend more (and expensive) therapy and services, which we felt pressured to do even when they felt un-worthwhile. We felt always like we might be counseled out any year. It made it hard to feel very comfortable in the community.

DP but sadly this has been our experience too. My son is in K with diagnosed ADHD. One kid was asked to leave mid year and others counseled out for next year. So far they seem willing to work with us to support our son’s needs, but we get a lot of emails or there will be something like (hopefully only) one big meltdown per year. It’s already stressful, and I’m exploring both our local public school as well as more specialized privates to understand what other options exist.

A lot of private schools don’t have the supports in place for kids with needs and they don’t want to deal with it - it’s a lot of work and they’re not mandated to do it. If your kid is disruptive, they need you to intervene either through medications or private support. My cynical theory is that the only reason we haven’t yet been counseled out is that we’re willing to fund some hours of extra 1:1 support for my child - and even that I’m not sure will be enough, in which case we’ll move him to another setting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So they can have official documentation to point to when they boot him out.

This will happen.

This is obviously scary. Is your experience that this is across-the-board? Our Big 3 basically made tons of kids get neuropsych testing this year. They even sent out a list of approved doctors, which was...a bit much. Surely schools aren't just kicking out tons of kids?

I’m a little surprised that a Big 3 would ask tons of kids in a grade to do a neuropsych. I assume whatever these children are being referred for came out in some way in the admissions process either through the entrance exam, the play date, or school recommendations.

Not sure why you are "surprised." OP is talking about a Kindergartener. Lots of problems can pop up in kindergarten that may not have been seen in pre-school or observed during the playdate. Kindergarten has much higher expectations than preschool for behavior and academics. There are going to be kids that either need supports (paid for by the parent) or need to be counseled out. If a parent isn't even willing to do a neuropsyche assessment when asked, huge red flag for the school that this is a relationship that isn't going to last.

DP. The entire point of the admissions process is to choose a balanced class of children who can be academically successful. As PP wrote earlier, no school wants to kick a bunch of kids out. Preschools are literally asked to provide their sense of whether a child will be successful in a Big 3 kindergarten setting. Similarly, the play date and assessment are structured to help the admissions team determine this. With such low acceptance rates it is surprising that tons of admitted kids have autism, ADHD, or other learning differences that are so severe they require a neuropsych at 5.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As previous posters of sad, you have to get the neuropsych if you want to stay at the school. It’s likely that you’ll get a diagnosis. The most likely thing is that the school works with you for at least a while as you experiment with interventions like accommodations at school, support, OT, possibly medication if the diagnosis is ADHD. Showing that you’re supportive and will partner with the school (aka do what they say) is the best chance of staying. Lots of kids either diagnosed stay at their original schools but as a parent of one I will say it was stressful the whole way through.

The pps have a point that ADHD is diagnosed in a lot of children in private school. You might look around at other settings they are more tolerant / have more outdoor time to get through the next several years.

Can you say more about what was stressful?

Almost every year there was some “incident” or situation the school called us in to discuss. Sometimes it felt like ordinary run of the mill kid stuff was seen through the lens of dc’s diagnosis, so things that would have gone without notice in other kids became a reason for the school to recommend more (and expensive) therapy and services, which we felt pressured to do even when they felt un-worthwhile. We felt always like we might be counseled out any year. It made it hard to feel very comfortable in the community.

All children deserve to be accepted and not just tolerated.
Why staying in a school that was not the right fit for your family?

Well, in retrospect, of course. It's hard to judge though when you're in the thick of it. This wasn't a super competitive school, and there weren't any other options that seemed like they would work better. So we took it year by year and that's how this went on for nearly a decade. My child looks back on the school with great fondness. A lot of the stress was borne by us, the parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As previous posters of sad, you have to get the neuropsych if you want to stay at the school. It’s likely that you’ll get a diagnosis. The most likely thing is that the school works with you for at least a while as you experiment with interventions like accommodations at school, support, OT, possibly medication if the diagnosis is ADHD. Showing that you’re supportive and will partner with the school (aka do what they say) is the best chance of staying. Lots of kids either diagnosed stay at their original schools but as a parent of one I will say it was stressful the whole way through.

The pps have a point that ADHD is diagnosed in a lot of children in private school. You might look around at other settings they are more tolerant / have more outdoor time to get through the next several years.

Can you say more about what was stressful?

Almost every year there was some “incident” or situation the school called us in to discuss. Sometimes it felt like ordinary run of the mill kid stuff was seen through the lens of dc’s diagnosis, so things that would have gone without notice in other kids became a reason for the school to recommend more (and expensive) therapy and services, which we felt pressured to do even when they felt un-worthwhile. We felt always like we might be counseled out any year. It made it hard to feel very comfortable in the community.

All children deserve to be accepted and not just tolerated.
Why staying in a school that was not the right fit for your family?

Also, let's not forget that staying in a Big 3 long-term, with kids whose parents may have very high expectations, can be stressful. There's a kid graduating 8th grade with my DC from a Big 3 who is switching to a less competitive private school, and I am so happy for them. I think the stress to mask their quirkiness and keep up with the executive function demands has been a lot for them. I can imagine them being so much happier and keeping up with the demands better when everything else is more low key. The goal is not to have the child graduate from the gold-plated school. The goal is for the child to have the experience that's right for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So they can have official documentation to point to when they boot him out.

This will happen.

This is obviously scary. Is your experience that this is across-the-board? Our Big 3 basically made tons of kids get neuropsych testing this year. They even sent out a list of approved doctors, which was...a bit much. Surely schools aren't just kicking out tons of kids?

They want to get all the kids on meds and set them up for unlimited time on the SATs.

I am an SAT/ACT tutor. IME working with students from the top DC privates, they are not that co-operative with extra-time and accommodations. It’s not at all been my experience that these schools want all their kids getting extra time. TBH, IMO, they are so committed to holding the line and requiring big expensive neuropsych, that some kids don’t actually get the accommodations they are legally eligible for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the reason 25% of boys have ADHD diagnoses.

What is your point here? That we should go back to putting our heads in the sand about how people's brains work? The hesitation anyone should have about better understanding and supporting their child is that they might get flagged on a "wellness camp" list by JFK Jr., on his eugenics nazi kick.

That ADHD is hugely overdiagnosed especially in boys. And this is chapter 1 in how it happens.

I don't totally disagree with you, but I think chapter 1 is how schools are run. Even boys' schools make them sit in desks all day, often don't differentiate, don't give enough recess, etc. It's not over-diagnosed if we require kids to live life in this way. The hard part for parents is figuring out how to get the best environment possible, reducing need for medication, but that's hard. Most American schools are really weak and behind the research.

Our experience in public schools (MCPS) is that the teachers do receive excellent guidance on meeting the needs of neurodiverse students. Our kid's teacher is very experienced and has implemented (and adjusted as needed) strategies on her own that our high-priced private psychologist would have recommended. In public school I think the issue is resources. Large class sizes can negatively impact students (and this is a crap shoot for any given school in any given year). And some students simply cannot be properly served in a mainstream environment, but the hoops to jump through to get into a more appropriate self-contained environment can be overwhelming.

This might depend on which county you’re in, but my kid is at a private and because they filled in the paperwork mcps agreed to do our testing. We also filled in observations we made at home.
We didn’t pay anything. The Mcps psychologists were great. DD went in for 2 sessions, then one of them went to her school to observe her as well.
She got diagnosed with adhd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So they can have official documentation to point to when they boot him out.

This will happen.

This is obviously scary. Is your experience that this is across-the-board? Our Big 3 basically made tons of kids get neuropsych testing this year. They even sent out a list of approved doctors, which was...a bit much. Surely schools aren't just kicking out tons of kids?

I’m a little surprised that a Big 3 would ask tons of kids in a grade to do a neuropsych. I assume whatever these children are being referred for came out in some way in the admissions process either through the entrance exam, the play date, or school recommendations.

Not sure why you are "surprised." OP is talking about a Kindergartener. Lots of problems can pop up in kindergarten that may not have been seen in pre-school or observed during the playdate. Kindergarten has much higher expectations than preschool for behavior and academics. There are going to be kids that either need supports (paid for by the parent) or need to be counseled out. If a parent isn't even willing to do a neuropsyche assessment when asked, huge red flag for the school that this is a relationship that isn't going to last.