Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So why aren’t you having sex w your husband?
May want to have a convo with him on what the issues are..

I’m tired and don’t want nightly sex. I feel the max I can have is twice a week. He wants at least 4 times a week. That’s hard for most women.

It is? Why? serious question. What is so hard about having sex for most women? I get that you don't want it but for women who do, and enjoy the same frequency as their man, is there something hard about having sex for women?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I'd have no problem with this.

Nightly sex is a lot for me right now. We are having sex twice a week. He wants it daily or at least 4 times a week.

I have a lot of help but it’s still tiring when you’re a mom to two young active kids.

Why is sex so tiring? It's not like you're being asked to run a 5k or work out. It's 6 minutes of light physical activity on average. Why are you making it sound like such a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh told me he expects sex from me because he gives me a comfortable life.

Sorry - hit post too soon.

DH and I had a very active sex life before we had kids. That naturally slowed down once we had two kids. DH has gone out of his way to make my life easier - very hands on, hired night and day help, sends me to a spa for a relaxing massage or day out for myself, etc. He has been really irritated with the lack of sex and wants more. He said that’s his only want and ask and it isn’t too much because he gives me a lot in return. I hear him but I don’t like feeling like I owe him sex because he’s a good husband.

Serious question for you to consider, op, after you re-read the part in bold:

Why do you think he owes it to you at all to stay married to you, when you won’t have sex with or “don’t like feeling” like having sex with him?

To put it bluntly: what’s in it for him to stay in an increasingly-sexless marriage?

You can stick to your feelings op. That’s fine. Don’t expect him to abandon his feelings though. And do the surprised when he divorces you for someone affectionate.

I have a 3.5 month old and an almost 2 year old. We have sex twice a week and I give him full oral completion once a week. I don’t call that sexless.

When I was 3.5 months PP, I still had a lot of pain during sex dye to pelvic floor weakness as a complication of labor and then our kid went through a sleep regression and was up every hour. I can't imagine someone demanding sex 4 times a week from someone with a 3.5 month old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh told me he expects sex from me because he gives me a comfortable life.

Sorry - hit post too soon.

DH and I had a very active sex life before we had kids. That naturally slowed down once we had two kids. DH has gone out of his way to make my life easier - very hands on, hired night and day help, sends me to a spa for a relaxing massage or day out for myself, etc. He has been really irritated with the lack of sex and wants more. He said that’s his only want and ask and it isn’t too much because he gives me a lot in return. I hear him but I don’t like feeling like I owe him sex because he’s a good husband.

Serious question for you to consider, op, after you re-read the part in bold:

Why do you think he owes it to you at all to stay married to you, when you won’t have sex with or “don’t like feeling” like having sex with him?

To put it bluntly: what’s in it for him to stay in an increasingly-sexless marriage?

You can stick to your feelings op. That’s fine. Don’t expect him to abandon his feelings though. And do the surprised when he divorces you for someone affectionate.

I have a 3.5 month old and an almost 2 year old. We have sex twice a week and I give him full oral completion once a week. I don’t call that sexless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh told me he expects sex from me because he gives me a comfortable life.

This is such a fsckboi argument. "I put the tokens in. Why didn't I get a sex?!"

If only men understood that most women will freely fsck you, daily, if they feel wanted and safe. Being told he expects it of you, like you're just some kind of machine, accomplishes neither. Idiot.

Exactly!!!

You know what kills my sex drive? Expectations. Particularly around my body and access to it. Fun fact, I'm kinkier than the average hen. But my ex husband never got a lick of that. He was a demeaning and demanding jerk. Now I spend my child-free weekends on all of the BDSM scenes that my heart desires.

You nasty!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh told me he expects sex from me because he gives me a comfortable life.

Sorry - hit post too soon.

DH and I had a very active sex life before we had kids. That naturally slowed down once we had two kids. DH has gone out of his way to make my life easier - very hands on, hired night and day help, sends me to a spa for a relaxing massage or day out for myself, etc. He has been really irritated with the lack of sex and wants more. He said that’s his only want and ask and it isn’t too much because he gives me a lot in return. I hear him but I don’t like feeling like I owe him sex because he’s a good husband.

Serious question for you to consider, op, after you re-read the part in bold:

Why do you think he owes it to you at all to stay married to you, when you won’t have sex with or “don’t like feeling” like having sex with him?

To put it bluntly: what’s in it for him to stay in an increasingly-sexless marriage?

You can stick to your feelings op. That’s fine. Don’t expect him to abandon his feelings though. And do the surprised when he divorces you for someone affectionate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh told me he expects sex from me because he gives me a comfortable life.

This is such a fsckboi argument. "I put the tokens in. Why didn't I get a sex?!"

If only men understood that most women will freely fsck you, daily, if they feel wanted and safe. Being told he expects it of you, like you're just some kind of machine, accomplishes neither. Idiot.

Exactly!!!

You know what kills my sex drive? Expectations. Particularly around my body and access to it. Fun fact, I'm kinkier than the average hen. But my ex husband never got a lick of that. He was a demeaning and demanding jerk. Now I spend my child-free weekends on all of the BDSM scenes that my heart desires.

Anonymous wrote:Dh told me he expects sex from me because he gives me a comfortable life.

That sounds like my FIL.
He was born into wealth, he gave MIL a comfortable life and he expected sex on the regular.
He was passed over for leadership in the family company. He was childish, would pout if he didn't get his way, I believe he hit her once or twice. He sat on his expanding arse most of the time. This man was loathe to get up on his feet. He would put her down regularly to feel good about himself.
I don't know when MIL realized she married a petulant child but she put up with and and regularly put out for him.

I have wondered if FIL stayed in his comfortable coccoon because he thought everything was OK in his marriage - because his wife was still having sex with him. As long as she was having sex with him, he didn't need to try to be a partner besides throw money at the marriage.
But I know for her it was a chore.
Did he really believe she enjoyed it or felt compelled in this marital transaction? At some point, he probably stopped caring what she thought which is probably around the same time he started calling her dum-dum and dinglehead in mixed company. It was probably the same time he stopped caring about much of anything beyond his own self-indulgences.
She felt a lot of conflict, but also loyalty. He entirely took advantage of her loyalty. Although he loved her like a spoilt child would, she pitied him.
Is this the stuff of true partnership?
I don't know.

That's an excessive amount of sex. He's not doing his part managing his libido. Tell him to work out more instead

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Withholding it is spousal abuse generally. If you dont want to do it, get a divorce and free him.

Twice weekly is not withholding.

This guy clearly has needs that need to be met by someone. Better to be his wife.

You can help him find an AP.

Anonymous wrote:Dh told me he expects sex from me because he gives me a comfortable life.

Sounds reasonable. What’s the problem?

People who demand sex from unenthusiastic partners. It's treating their spouse like a blow up doll. Especially the "you owe me" aspect. It's transactional and there's a word for that.

Thats not how things work

If a guy wants daily sex it's also on him to not do things that leave you sore. Guy can't be jackhammering and asking for.sex every day.