Can you get her to tell you specifically why she hates school bathrooms? This is a problem OP, she can't go all day without peeing.

Anonymous wrote:I had this issue with DS for a while. We did our own CBT by making it a point to use the public bathroom whenever we were out and about, no matter if they were gross or had super loud flushes. He still is reluctant to go in public places, but Will and school is no longer an issue.

Maybe start by reaching out to the nurse or guidance counselor, because often they have their own restrooms which she could use and they are generally quiet and clean. You could also tell her to use the bathroom shortly before lunch or just before school is out when other kids are less likely to be using it too. Eventually she will come around. Good luck!

That’s not CBT. That’s just teaching your kid not to be a p***y.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is full of weirdos. Yes, public bathrooms are gross but avoiding them is ridiculous.

That's not being a weirdo.

When you refuse to use bathrooms in public and then per your pants because of it, yes, that’s weird.

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is full of weirdos. Yes, public bathrooms are gross but avoiding them is ridiculous.

That's not being a weirdo.

When she starts her period, she will need to use public restrooms. So figuring out the best way to help her feel confident using any restroom, even if less than ideal, is important.

Hopefully peeing her pants on the bus will be a good motivator towards this goal. I'd give her some time to come down from her embarrassment before bringing up any strategies.

Anonymous wrote:Didn't see anyone mention fighting and hate speech graffiti of all kinds in the bathrooms. They are not safe and many teachers won't let kids go during class, plus sometimes there isn't enough time between classes. Plus sometimes they are closed because the school can't/won't deal with it.

I've always told my kid to ask as a curtesy but to go anyway if the teacher says no.

I don’t know what OP’s kid’s school is like, but at that age I had some close calls. School was in a very nice district but rundown and staff were only in the bathrooms in evening, so they had no idea how bad it was during the day. We were only allowed to use one bathroom, which only had one working stall and not always toilet paper. There were no “free” bathroom breaks during class after 4th grade to “prepare for middle school”, so you had to go before recess or lunch. I had a teacher in 6th grade who was an absolute dragon and would humiliate you if you asked to use the bathroom during the day.

With weather getting hotter, kids are also drinking more water, and it’s possible that was enough to take what was almost a workable strategy to the brink of disaster.

Didn't see anyone mention fighting and hate speech graffiti of all kinds in the bathrooms. They are not safe and many teachers won't let kids go during class, plus sometimes there isn't enough time between classes. Plus sometimes they are closed because the school can't/won't deal with it.

I had a friend who had her school aged kids wear pull-ups when they went to Disney just in case the lines for the rides were long.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't she in therapy?

She doesn’t need therapy. I’m the PP who posted about being an adult and not using public bathrooms. She was just unfortunate. Tell her not to drink water in the afternoon that will help. I can count the number of times I used the bathroom at school.

Yes she does. Unless she becomes a hermit, she's going to need to use the bathroom in public during her lifetime.

Agree she needs therapy. Assuming she goes to college is she going to hold it for an entire semester?

My friend got her son a medical reason for a private bathroom/room. Talk about pampered.

I like the CBT approach. Start normalizing using bathrooms whenever and wherever you happen to be. Has she ever gone camping? Peed behind a tree? Can't be too squeamish to function.

I had the same problem with DS when he was around 8, he didn’t like using the public restrooms and would end up having an accident. I told him when going out of the house he was going to need to wear pull-ups and if he didn’t start trying to make it to the bathroom it would mean further consequences.

The bathrooms are gross. Is that her issue? Or is it a safety/comfort issue also? I remember in high school, there were certain bathrooms where some groups would congregate and smoke etc. I know they vape now. It was intimidating even if they didn’t bother me. Plus the bathrooms were gross.

All that to say, she should address thjs now because it won’t get better!

She should go to the bathroom once she gets to school. Cleanest and less drama then. At least she starts the day with an empty bladder. For my kid, from home to start of first period is about an hour.

I would get the teacher involved in elementary school. I bet they have seen this before and have suggestions. I did have to do the same thing for my DS (similar accident on the way home) and the teacher would remind him every day (so nice of her). Of course, that was in first grade, so not as embarrassing for the teacher to do that and also, everyone goes in a line together a couple times a day.

I am sorry but I find this highly disturbing and not age appropriate. I would take her to the doctor. I am a middle school teacher (6th grade specially) and if she pees on herself at school, I would expect her to be suicidal after the incident. The students will tear her apart. I am not condoning it by any means but these kids will not let it go.

DCUM is full of weirdos. Yes, public bathrooms are gross but avoiding them is ridiculous.