OP I agree with the others that step one is to find a good hairdresser who works with curly hair - I finally have that, but even still I have to advocate for my hair with her! Dry cuts are better than wet, they can't be too short or too long (my hair gets stringy when it's too long).
Step two is talking to that hairdresser about products. They will want you to try a bunch of things - too many things - and you'll hate some of it but then something will start to work and your hair will get easier. For me, it's been using a leave in conditioner in addition to washing and conditioning in the shower - and unlike other people, my hair gets dry and lifeless if I don't wash every day; I'm not one of these wash once a week people.
I really like this leave in conditioner - recced by my hairdresser - it's light, doesn't have a strong scent, and my hair really likes it:
https://lomabeauty.us/products/leave-in-conditioner
They have a curl cream, too - I don't like how stiff curl creams make my hair feel, but they work for other people. (I HATE curly girl method - I think it's so greasy and crispy and gross, even though the curls are glorious.)