Anonymous wrote:Everyone pairs off according to what's socially acceptable.

A grandpa complimenting a 20-30 year old will be immediately flagged as sexual harassment. So the grandpa compliments the 40-60 year old set, and those women don't bat an eye, because they're more mature, and understand it's just a pleasant way of passing the time. The age gap could still be huge, but the people involved are less likely to see any interaction as harassment.

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Anonymous wrote:I have a 31 year old son. For awhile, he was on the dating sites and also goes to the gym regularly. I asked, “Any cute girls at the gym?”. He responded, “That would be creepy mom, no one does that. People are there to workout.” Okay, so this is my survey of one. Thoughts?

Men your son's age have gotten the message, loud and clear, that it's "creepy" to approach women at the gym, grocery store, coffee shop, etc. Not sure this is a good thing - app-based dating seems extremely bleak.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve made an observation at the gym and I’d love your thoughts.

I work out at my local gym at the same time every morning before work. There are always the same people there. There are the attractive younger women who dress ways that illicit male attention, and don’t say that in an accusatory way; a woman should be allowed to dress however she wants, but the clothing choices accentuate physical features that men find attractive. The younger men often flirt with these women and the women are very receptive.

On the other hand, I notice one or two traditionally attractive middle aged women who dress modestly, but who are just so classically pretty, I don’t know how else to describe it. But they do dress more modestly and are clearly there to exercise and leave. I’ve noticed that OLDER men approach and flirt with these women frequently, though they ignore the physically attractive younger women, and vice versa (the younger men ignore these beautiful middle aged women.)

Why are the older men confident enough to approach these more beautiful “older” women and not the more overtly “sexy” women (I’m trying my best not to inadvertently offend!), and vice versa? Is there a science or psychology behind this because I would love to know more, it’s so intriguing to watch.

Anonymous wrote:Ask them. Report back with your findings

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Agree with PP. Seems age appropriate.

Probably not to the women. Especially since most of us ARE there to work out no matter what we are wearing. Don’t approach us. We aren’t here to socialize.

If a woman wants to interact she’ll start the conversation. And asking about a machine or exercise is not flirting.


OP. I’d say it’s ego. At some point those gpas learned dramatically younger women aren’t receptive to them.

Thanks! I guess my real question is, why isn’t the 20something guy flirting with the beautiful 40something? I realize it’s subjective, but I find the 40something absolutely stunning when compared to the younger 20something, plus she’s likely more confident and experienced (?) so you’d think the guys would be more interested in her? FWIW, I’m in my 30s and super average. It’s just interesting to watch.

Guys go where they think they have a chance. He probably doesn’t think he has much chance.

But at the same time, the old man does?

The kid is scared and inexperienced. The old man has no time for silly “what ifs” and knows from experience that what you lose after rejection is - nothing.

Shoot your shot people.

I’m a woman in my mid 40s and I wouldn’t really want to date anyone younger than late 30s to late 50s because stage of life matters. Happily married but do get approached or rather I get little “knocks on the door” at work, the gym, grocery store, etc. I’m always friendly back but find a way to let them know the conversation isn’t going further. There is nothing personal, I’m just not available and if you don’t try to at least say hi, you won’t know.

Let me get this straight: your theory about why the young men are flirting with the young women is that they lack the confidence to flirt with the older women - not that they actually prefer or feels more comfortable with the women their own age?

“Feel more comfortable” is a subset of confidence.

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Agree with PP. Seems age appropriate.

Probably not to the women. Especially since most of us ARE there to work out no matter what we are wearing. Don’t approach us. We aren’t here to socialize.

If a woman wants to interact she’ll start the conversation. And asking about a machine or exercise is not flirting.


OP. I’d say it’s ego. At some point those gpas learned dramatically younger women aren’t receptive to them.

Thanks! I guess my real question is, why isn’t the 20something guy flirting with the beautiful 40something? I realize it’s subjective, but I find the 40something absolutely stunning when compared to the younger 20something, plus she’s likely more confident and experienced (?) so you’d think the guys would be more interested in her? FWIW, I’m in my 30s and super average. It’s just interesting to watch.

Guys go where they think they have a chance. He probably doesn’t think he has much chance.

But at the same time, the old man does?

The kid is scared and inexperienced. The old man has no time for silly “what ifs” and knows from experience that what you lose after rejection is - nothing.

Shoot your shot people.

I’m a woman in my mid 40s and I wouldn’t really want to date anyone younger than late 30s to late 50s because stage of life matters. Happily married but do get approached or rather I get little “knocks on the door” at work, the gym, grocery store, etc. I’m always friendly back but find a way to let them know the conversation isn’t going further. There is nothing personal, I’m just not available and if you don’t try to at least say hi, you won’t know.

Let me get this straight: your theory about why the young men are flirting with the young women is that they lack the confidence to flirt with the older women - not that they actually prefer or feels more comfortable with the women their own age?

Anonymous wrote:I have a 31 year old son. For awhile, he was on the dating sites and also goes to the gym regularly. I asked, “Any cute girls at the gym?”. He responded, “That would be creepy mom, no one does that. People are there to workout.” Okay, so this is my survey of one. Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:I have a 31 year old son. For awhile, he was on the dating sites and also goes to the gym regularly. I asked, “Any cute girls at the gym?”. He responded, “That would be creepy mom, no one does that. People are there to workout.” Okay, so this is my survey of one. Thoughts?

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Agree with PP. Seems age appropriate.

Probably not to the women. Especially since most of us ARE there to work out no matter what we are wearing. Don’t approach us. We aren’t here to socialize.

If a woman wants to interact she’ll start the conversation. And asking about a machine or exercise is not flirting.


OP. I’d say it’s ego. At some point those gpas learned dramatically younger women aren’t receptive to them.

Thanks! I guess my real question is, why isn’t the 20something guy flirting with the beautiful 40something? I realize it’s subjective, but I find the 40something absolutely stunning when compared to the younger 20something, plus she’s likely more confident and experienced (?) so you’d think the guys would be more interested in her? FWIW, I’m in my 30s and super average. It’s just interesting to watch.

Guys go where they think they have a chance. He probably doesn’t think he has much chance.

But at the same time, the old man does?

Anonymous wrote:These guys are probably more interested in women who are more age appropriate and more attracted to them for that reason.

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Agree with PP. Seems age appropriate.

Probably not to the women. Especially since most of us ARE there to work out no matter what we are wearing. Don’t approach us. We aren’t here to socialize.

If a woman wants to interact she’ll start the conversation. And asking about a machine or exercise is not flirting.


OP. I’d say it’s ego. At some point those gpas learned dramatically younger women aren’t receptive to them.

Thanks! I guess my real question is, why isn’t the 20something guy flirting with the beautiful 40something? I realize it’s subjective, but I find the 40something absolutely stunning when compared to the younger 20something, plus she’s likely more confident and experienced (?) so you’d think the guys would be more interested in her? FWIW, I’m in my 30s and super average. It’s just interesting to watch.

Are you asking why young men don't chase older women?

I guess in this context, yes. See above.

I think it's pretty well understood that young women tend to be attractive to both young men and older men. I guess if you want some psychological explanation it could have something to do with fertility, but probably really it has something to do with wrinkles.

And confidence.

Personally my body language reads not available. I don’t get approached unless I want to be…except for men that can’t read women at all. Which is usually older divorced men.