Anonymous
Post 04/16/2025 19:10     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:Oh for goodness sake. It’s his dear friend from out of the country!! You’re acting as if he’s expecting you to feed a football team tomorrow night.

You have notice. Make a meal ahead of time and freeze it. Order takeout. Make a damn pot of soup and get a bag salad and a bottle of wine. Make a pasta salad the day before.

This is a friend he doesn’t get to see often and he wants the friend to meet his family! Why on earth wouldn’t you be accommodating?


DP here. I agree they should host at home but DH should take the lead. It’s not 1962.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2025 19:09     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
It’s much easier to converse and have a nice visit in a home rather than a restaurant. That said, DH should be the one to leave work early and prepare.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2025 17:49     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
Why is everyone do freaking angry on this site?
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2025 17:48     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
Oh for goodness sake. It’s his dear friend from out of the country!! You’re acting as if he’s expecting you to feed a football team tomorrow night.

You have notice. Make a meal ahead of time and freeze it. Order takeout. Make a damn pot of soup and get a bag salad and a bottle of wine. Make a pasta salad the day before.

This is a friend he doesn’t get to see often and he wants the friend to meet his family! Why on earth wouldn’t you be accommodating?
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2025 17:25     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Jesus, the man is proud of his family and home. Cooking isn’t that difficult and getting the kids to a practice and coordination of a ride home for them should not be either.


Np. And that’s lovely. He should feel free to to ensure the home is clean and ready to welcome the guest. As well as prepare a meal or order the takeout.

Seriously, this stuff falling on women has got to go.


AGREE!! IF it's so easy, the husband should cook, clean and welcome his friend. If the wife has to do it, she should order in!
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2025 03:02     Subject: Re:Is DH being reasonable?
Your hubby.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2025 11:15     Subject: Re:Is DH being reasonable?
I think you are making too big of a deal TBH.

The kids can miss one practice (and I do have teens who plays sports and understand it needs to be rare). But do it, as it sounds important to DH.

Pick up something pre prepared- I’d just pick up a take and bake lasagna or something from our local Italian deli. It is perfect for stuff like this. Add salad and bread.

Tell DH he is in charge of any house preparations/cleaning, and picking up wine and a premade dessert at the supermarket.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2025 11:07     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:So much drama over a simple request. Is it really that difficult to organize one meal at home for a rare visitor? Get takeout from a nice restaurant if you don’t have time to cook.


This and the wedding-in-Ireland post speak to how so many parents around here hyper-prioritize their work and kids activities over all else.

Personally I think it’s to their detriment - they and their kids will have worse mental health than if they also prioritized social connections and bonding.

I myself would jump at the chance to introduce my kids to a childhood friend and do whatever I needed to make that happen!
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2025 10:53     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
So much drama over a simple request. Is it really that difficult to organize one meal at home for a rare visitor? Get takeout from a nice restaurant if you don’t have time to cook.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2025 10:25     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
I would definitely accommodate this, but it certainly wouldn’t all fall on me. My husband doesn’t cook a thing, but he does plenty of other stuff. He would likely do most of the cleaning. And I would figure out something simple to cook or make something ahead like spaghetti sauce or chili. If I really couldn’t swing the cooking, I would tell my husband to figure it out and he would order or do something he could handle. For example, we host a monthly church group at our house and I didn’t have time to cook for it this weekend. He got some frozen taquitos and empanadas, made guacamole (which he can do), bought some desserts and made a fruit platter. It was totally fine (this is a casual group).
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2025 10:00     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I the weird one? When this type of thing happens, I’m the one who first suggests to DH we should invite the friend over for dinner and to stay the night, enthusiastically problem-solves dinner and kid arrangements, adds nice finishing touches to our (always clean) home. I don’t do all the work but I plan it out. And I work a demanding full-time job too. Maybe this is why DH loves me


I'm sure most people would but is it fair to you? Would he do all that work for your friend? I doubt it


DP. I think the real problem is that many of you seem to be married to men who you think don’t do anything for you in return. It doesn’t have to be one for one on something like hosting.


+100. Lots of resentment here among the “don’t even lift a finger/why can’t DH do everything” crowd.

I am PP and in my case DH does a *ton* for the family in day-to-day life so I am more than happy to take on the cooking and logistics to host someone. Those are my strengths and he will pitch in where I ask but if he absolutely can’t get out of work early, I don’t mind covering to wrap up the last-minute things.

I don’t think I could be happily married to someone who was so tit-for-tat like some of these posters! Or someone who would model to their children that hospitality should take a back seat to sports practice.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2025 09:56     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
It is unreasonable if he insists or demands to eat at the house instead of at a restaurant. Or he figures out all the logistics of what to eat, where to order from, doing the cooking, kids schedules etc
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2025 09:46     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
Is this a real post? OP hasn’t come back and explained anything about her DH will do.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2025 09:40     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:DH has a good friend who lives out of the country . The friend will be in town for a couple of days soon which happen to be on weekdays.

I suggested DH and I take him out one night while he’s here and DH is insisting that we invite him for dinner to our home because it’s a more meaningful invite and he’ll get to meet our kids. Our kids are teenagers in middle and high school, so honestly, they don’t really care much about meeting their dad’s friend but I know it’s clearly important for DH.

I told DH that the kids almost always have sports practices on those evenings, and the coaches aren’t too happy when they miss practice.

Besides, it puts more work on me to prepare a nice dinner at the house mid week . I’d have to re arrange my work schedule to come home early and prepare. I do have a flexible job but would still have to work this through.

I reiterated that it would be a lot simpler if DH and I just take his friend out and he got very upset.

Who’s being unreasonable here?


This is the whole problem. Why would you have to prep the meal and leave work early? Let him handle.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2025 09:39     Subject: Is DH being reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m from the Deep South so take this as you’d like - I would absolutely adjust my schedule if DH asked me to prepare a meal for a good friend of his that he doesn’t often see. Presumably you know how to cook, what’s one more plate?

Relationships (familial and friendships) are more important than work and sports, especially if it’s not a regular or excessive occurrence, ie you're not being asked to cook a 14 person dinner party every third Tuesday.


If relationships are more important than work, why can't OP's DH leave work a little early to make dinner and welcome his longtime friend into his home?

Also, what would the DH do if he were not married and this friend came to visit? I would bet you anything they'd go out to dinner. Ask yourself why this is different if he's married, and why the work of the difference (leaving work early, making dinner, rearranging kid schedules) is falling 100% on OP even though she doesn't even know this person.
OK but since this person is important to her dh, why doesn't she JOIN them for dinner out? Not joining them for no really good reason seems like a real snub to the dh and the friend. She doesn't want to entertain in her home? Ok fine. Here's another option. Getting kids to their practices is a minor issue to work out.