Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been seeing a really wonderful guy. I like him a lot and definitely can see this turning into something very serious. He’s divorced and my friends keep hammering on about it. They asked me if I’m really serious about him because he is divorced and that means he doesn’t value marriage. He’s also a bit older than me by 6 years. I disagree but I admit it does worry me a little that he married and got divorced so quickly. Is his past divorce a nothing burger or should I worry about commitment?

90% of divorces are initiated by the woman, not the man.

The statistic is 70%— not 90%

Varies depending on region, culture, socio-economic status, education, demographics, etc. Could be as low as 60% or as high as 95% depending on the sample survey.

Only undisputed fact is that "no fault divorces" lead to an astronomically skyrocketing divorce rate, mostly initiated by women, as most women see marriage now as just another dating "situation" rather than a lifetime commitment.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been seeing a really wonderful guy. I like him a lot and definitely can see this turning into something very serious. He’s divorced and my friends keep hammering on about it. They asked me if I’m really serious about him because he is divorced and that means he doesn’t value marriage. He’s also a bit older than me by 6 years. I disagree but I admit it does worry me a little that he married and got divorced so quickly. Is his past divorce a nothing burger or should I worry about commitment?

Stop getting dating advice from friends. That's always a disaster and women love to ruin other's relationships.

Men do too, but men really don't talk about their gf's or wives with other men. That's taboo and will start fights.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people divorce, for lots of reasons. Reasons first marriage could have failed that you might give him a pass on:

Adultery
Financial infidelity
Mental illness
Drug or alcohol addiction
Youthful folly
Differing values that were not exposed before the marriage
etc.

You don't say why he divorced before. Do you know why?

He was married at 28 and divorced by 30. Said all his friends were doing it and the girl he married wanted marriage. He realize 6 months into the marriage he didn’t want to stay married and then got divorced.

You and your friends sound really immature.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people divorce, for lots of reasons. Reasons first marriage could have failed that you might give him a pass on:

Adultery
Financial infidelity
Mental illness
Drug or alcohol addiction
Youthful folly
Differing values that were not exposed before the marriage
etc.

You don't say why he divorced before. Do you know why?

He was married at 28 and divorced by 30. Said all his friends were doing it and the girl he married wanted marriage. He realize 6 months into the marriage he didn’t want to stay married and then got divorced.

Yeah duh, why did he get dirvotced? Because he didn’t want to stay married.

So WHY didn’t he want to stay married or stay married to her?

Does he answers answer key questions by rephrases the words?

He told me it was a number of things. She was pushing for kids right away, her mom was very much in their business, her family tried to dominate his weekends with Sunday dinners. He felt like he didn’t have much say because she ran everything by her mom and her sisters.

Ouch. He's a blamer. While that may all be true, I would want to hear what he felt his role was in the relationship. What did he learn about himself from that first marriage? Anyone who puts it all on their ex is waving major red flags and I would run. If he's been divorced for 6 years that is ample time to have done some work on himself. Doesn't sound like he has.

Agree. The issue for me isn't that he is divorced . The issue is that 35 years old it seems he takes no responsibility for anything. He got married cause his friends were. The marriage ending was all her fault. Come on! He sounds like a child. Does he take responsibility for anything OP/ In your relationship now when you disagree or he does something that upsets you does he take responsibility or does he blame?

I don’t see divorce as a red flag. Maybe a yellow flag to tread carefully and see what he’s learned from it—about himself, life, marriage-and what are his current views on marriage, children, etc. I am married to a divorced man (13 years in), and my dad is 35 years into his second marriage. My dad’s second wife is much more compatible (my mom wanted the divorce). My DH could clearly admit his own shortcomings about his first marriage (no major red flags). He is a great husband and father, and I’m glad I didn’t write him off over a failed previous marriage.

He sounds like a loser. Did he try to work on communication and did he do therapy with the ex?

Sounds like he didn't value marriage.

I wouldn't marry a divorced guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people divorce, for lots of reasons. Reasons first marriage could have failed that you might give him a pass on:

Adultery
Financial infidelity
Mental illness
Drug or alcohol addiction
Youthful folly
Differing values that were not exposed before the marriage
etc.

You don't say why he divorced before. Do you know why?

He was married at 28 and divorced by 30. Said all his friends were doing it and the girl he married wanted marriage. He realize 6 months into the marriage he didn’t want to stay married and then got divorced.

He sounds weak-willed and dumb. This reason would be a red flag for me.

Just because someone is divorced. It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with them.

My DH was divorced when I met him. He had just been married to the wrong person, that’s all. He grew up in Fairfax, Virginia, and works for the federal government and just really wants to be here. And his ex-wife was climbing the corporate ladder, and really wanted to live in Europe and work in one of the offices there for her company. He didn’t want to do that, and she filed for divorce. No kids, had only been married three years … no harm no foul. They just wanted different lives. The divorce was simple and amicable. Not to say that it wasn’t painful emotionally, but it was simple— not even much arguing about who got what.

I’m thrilled that they ended up divorced, because it means that I got him. We have been together over 20 years, and I feel like I hit the jackpot. He couldn’t be more perfect for me. He feels like he won the jackpot too.

Sometimes a divorce is a big red flag. The person is divorced because they are, well, awful. But sometimes a divorce just means that people ended up wanting different things and went their separate ways. And that person could end up being perfect for you.

The trick is knowing the difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people divorce, for lots of reasons. Reasons first marriage could have failed that you might give him a pass on:

Adultery
Financial infidelity
Mental illness
Drug or alcohol addiction
Youthful folly
Differing values that were not exposed before the marriage
etc.

You don't say why he divorced before. Do you know why?

He was married at 28 and divorced by 30. Said all his friends were doing it and the girl he married wanted marriage. He realize 6 months into the marriage he didn’t want to stay married and then got divorced.

Yeah duh, why did he get dirvotced? Because he didn’t want to stay married.

So WHY didn’t he want to stay married or stay married to her?

Does he answers answer key questions by rephrases the words?

He told me it was a number of things. She was pushing for kids right away, her mom was very much in their business, her family tried to dominate his weekends with Sunday dinners. He felt like he didn’t have much say because she ran everything by her mom and her sisters.

Ouch. He's a blamer. While that may all be true, I would want to hear what he felt his role was in the relationship. What did he learn about himself from that first marriage? Anyone who puts it all on their ex is waving major red flags and I would run. If he's been divorced for 6 years that is ample time to have done some work on himself. Doesn't sound like he has.

Agree, it was all her and her families fault and everything in your relationship will be all your fault.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people divorce, for lots of reasons. Reasons first marriage could have failed that you might give him a pass on:

Adultery
Financial infidelity
Mental illness
Drug or alcohol addiction
Youthful folly
Differing values that were not exposed before the marriage
etc.

You don't say why he divorced before. Do you know why?

He was married at 28 and divorced by 30. Said all his friends were doing it and the girl he married wanted marriage. He realize 6 months into the marriage he didn’t want to stay married and then got divorced.

Yeah duh, why did he get dirvotced? Because he didn’t want to stay married.

So WHY didn’t he want to stay married or stay married to her?

Does he answers answer key questions by rephrases the words?

He told me it was a number of things. She was pushing for kids right away, her mom was very much in their business, her family tried to dominate his weekends with Sunday dinners. He felt like he didn’t have much say because she ran everything by her mom and her sisters.

Ouch. He's a blamer. While that may all be true, I would want to hear what he felt his role was in the relationship. What did he learn about himself from that first marriage? Anyone who puts it all on their ex is waving major red flags and I would run. If he's been divorced for 6 years that is ample time to have done some work on himself. Doesn't sound like he has.

Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin who got married at 22 and divorced at 27 (no kids). He remarried at 30 and had a child at 35, and has been happily married for more than 30 years. I think he and first wife married before they really knew what they wanted to do with their lives and what they wanted in a life partner. At 22, they were madly in love, but didn’t have realistic ideas of what marriage would be like.

I got married more than 25 years ago to someone who was an extremely good fit for me. We were very compatible and on the same page for many years. Then he had a midlife crisis and became a totally different person. He no longer wanted to be a devoted family man. Instead of coming home after work to his wife and children, he wanted to go out drinking with younger coworkers. Then he decided he missed the feeling of falling in love with someone new and wanted to explore new relationships. We’re getting divorced because he is no longer interested in monogamy or actively parenting his children on a daily basis. My values and behavior didn’t change. I still respect the institution of marriage. It’s unfair to judge me based on my marital status. I can’t force my husband to stay married to me and raise our children.

Is this your post, PP?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1256096.page

OP is your friend group tradwives in training? Divorce is generally not the big pearl clutching deal they're making it out to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people divorce, for lots of reasons. Reasons first marriage could have failed that you might give him a pass on:

Adultery
Financial infidelity
Mental illness
Drug or alcohol addiction
Youthful folly
Differing values that were not exposed before the marriage
etc.

You don't say why he divorced before. Do you know why?

He was married at 28 and divorced by 30. Said all his friends were doing it and the girl he married wanted marriage. He realize 6 months into the marriage he didn’t want to stay married and then got divorced.

Yeah duh, why did he get dirvotced? Because he didn’t want to stay married.

So WHY didn’t he want to stay married or stay married to her?

Does he answers answer key questions by rephrases the words?

He told me it was a number of things. She was pushing for kids right away, her mom was very much in their business, her family tried to dominate his weekends with Sunday dinners. He felt like he didn’t have much say because she ran everything by her mom and her sisters.

..and you run everything by your friends. Your "sisters." Looks like you're the red flag he should ditch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been seeing a really wonderful guy. I like him a lot and definitely can see this turning into something very serious. He’s divorced and my friends keep hammering on about it. They asked me if I’m really serious about him because he is divorced and that means he doesn’t value marriage. He’s also a bit older than me by 6 years. I disagree but I admit it does worry me a little that he married and got divorced so quickly. Is his past divorce a nothing burger or should I worry about commitment?

90% of divorces are initiated by the woman, not the man.

The statistic is 70%— not 90%

Over the age of 38, a divorced man with no kids is actually what I look for because they've already been trained by their ex wife