Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

Each family is different. Each kid is different.

I have a friend who is very successful and has 3 kids (two upper elementary and one middle). Her kids are all struggling and could really use my friend. One child is struggling both academically and socially. It stresses my friend out, but she says she has so much going on at work that she can’t deal with the kids. I’m not sure her kids will turn out well and in her situation, a mom home would be better IMO than a fully funded college.

I don’t think it is all or nothing. What if mom was around and college is mostly funded.

I’m a SAHM and if that was the choice, I would work for college fund. DH earns enough so I can stay home and also pay for college, grad school, etc.

That's your friend's issue. She clearly doesn't spend enough time with her kids due to her job. Yea, if you have a job that prevents you from spending time with your kids, it may not be worth it. But, I'm sure she could find a different job that pays less but allows her to spend time with her kids. Also, where's the dad in this equation? Is she a single mom? That's a different story. Single parents have the toughest job. But, a lot of kids turn out just fine.

My kids are doing great -- they are teens now, one in college, and they have a fully funded (in state) college fund. They said they are so grateful for that because they see kids who had to drop out because they couldn't afford college.

I had to work my way through college, and it was super tough. I didn't have a great college experience. I'm happy that my kid's will have a better experience than I did and not have to worry about paying for college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 1-3, either, by this logic.

No, but those years are harder to deal with when you are working and kids are in daycare. That age requires 100% parental supervision. You have to take a lot of days off because of all the colds kids get from daycare. 4+ they are a bit more self sufficient.

FWIW, DC#1 was in daycare from 1 to almost 3. So, I don't have anything against daycare. But, I was only working PT at the time, so when DC got sick (which was often -- every other Friday we were in urgent care due to DC's ear infection from a cold) it wasn't that hard for me to take time off.

I was working FT when DC#2 came, and I could not deal with all the sick days off, so I got a nanny. I then quit my job to spend some time with the kids, and also due to the stress, for almost 2 years, then went back to work.

I'm really glad I went back to work because otherwise, we would not have been able to save for college and our retirement.

College is only going to get more expensive. Do keep in mind that whatever prices are now is not what they’re going to be in 18 yrs.

SAHP all the way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

Each family is different. Each kid is different.

I have a friend who is very successful and has 3 kids (two upper elementary and one middle). Her kids are all struggling and could really use my friend. One child is struggling both academically and socially. It stresses my friend out, but she says she has so much going on at work that she can’t deal with the kids. I’m not sure her kids will turn out well and in her situation, a mom home would be better IMO than a fully funded college.

I don’t think it is all or nothing. What if mom was around and college is mostly funded.

I’m a SAHM and if that was the choice, I would work for college fund. DH earns enough so I can stay home and also pay for college, grad school, etc.

This is a great example of why we need women working. So POS stop perpetuating this nasty stereotype. “I’m not sure her kids will turn out well because she is working! She needs to be at home, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen otherwise NO CHILD WILL THRIVE!” Gmafb. Studies show men with working moms are smarter, treat their partners better, are more likely to contribute to household chores and child raising. Instead of whatever bulls*** you are teaching, completely letting fathers and men off the hook. Maybe you should go sit in a corner and stop bringing us back to the ‘50s.

Whichever makes You the better parent. For some staying home is the answer, for others staying home is a horrible choice. The thing you aren’t considering though is the choices most of us have in navigating our careers. Most of us do have a choice over 18 years regarding what our jobs will look like - work PT, FT, travel, no travel, make a ton of money, make good money that covers day care now, and college savings later, take a couple years off, come back, gun for a promotion, decelerate and take a WFH gig. The workplace today is actually much more flexible than it was 15 years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The flip side of this is I am so grateful my parents have the financial means for a comfortable retirement and to pay for care if they eventually need it. That's a bigger deal than having college paid for. Though both are nice.

Either way, college and retirement are both more attainable with two incomes.

Not always. My income was on the lower end in a helping profession so by the time we paid for child care, we'd owe money. And with older child, the driving is daily after school so paying someone would be a wash.

Right, the standard “I can’t get a job because we’ll be poor-er!” Lie. Whatever helps you sit on the sofa all afternoon!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

Each family is different. Each kid is different.

I have a friend who is very successful and has 3 kids (two upper elementary and one middle). Her kids are all struggling and could really use my friend. One child is struggling both academically and socially. It stresses my friend out, but she says she has so much going on at work that she can’t deal with the kids. I’m not sure her kids will turn out well and in her situation, a mom home would be better IMO than a fully funded college.

I don’t think it is all or nothing. What if mom was around and college is mostly funded.

I’m a SAHM and if that was the choice, I would work for college fund. DH earns enough so I can stay home and also pay for college, grad school, etc.

Interesting that you blame the woman for the children struggling but not the man. What sexist garbage

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The flip side of this is I am so grateful my parents have the financial means for a comfortable retirement and to pay for care if they eventually need it. That's a bigger deal than having college paid for. Though both are nice.

Either way, college and retirement are both more attainable with two incomes.

Not always. My income was on the lower end in a helping profession so by the time we paid for child care, we'd owe money. And with older child, the driving is daily after school so paying someone would be a wash.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

Each family is different. Each kid is different.

I have a friend who is very successful and has 3 kids (two upper elementary and one middle). Her kids are all struggling and could really use my friend. One child is struggling both academically and socially. It stresses my friend out, but she says she has so much going on at work that she can’t deal with the kids. I’m not sure her kids will turn out well and in her situation, a mom home would be better IMO than a fully funded college.

I don’t think it is all or nothing. What if mom was around and college is mostly funded.

I’m a SAHM and if that was the choice, I would work for college fund. DH earns enough so I can stay home and also pay for college, grad school, etc.

Dad could step in and help or a good nanny. She's not interested in being a mom and her job comes first. Even if she was at home, she may not help.

Anonymous wrote:The flip side of this is I am so grateful my parents have the financial means for a comfortable retirement and to pay for care if they eventually need it. That's a bigger deal than having college paid for. Though both are nice.

Either way, college and retirement are both more attainable with two incomes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 1-3, either, by this logic.

No, but you as a parent get to be there for some milestones, provide childcare etc until school starts.

Anonymous wrote:There's no reason a SAHP shouldn't get a job while the kids are in school.

Clueless people say this. School is not even 8 hours long. Its six. Aftercare is hard to get into, expensive, and low quality, as are summer camps.. Also, sick days and holidays exceed pto. So show me these miracle jobs that magically align with school schedules? Also every weekend will be spent as a family cleaning and grocery shopping while eating takeout most nights.

FWIW I do work, because I actually do have one of these unicorn jobs where I wfh part time for very good pay in a technical/specialized field. Took me 10 years and an Ivy masters to get it. I have no illusions about how easy they are to find. And because of that I have to outsource some cleaning and childcare. There’s no shortcuts for the work to get done in a home if you have kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

Each family is different. Each kid is different.

I have a friend who is very successful and has 3 kids (two upper elementary and one middle). Her kids are all struggling and could really use my friend. One child is struggling both academically and socially. It stresses my friend out, but she says she has so much going on at work that she can’t deal with the kids. I’m not sure her kids will turn out well and in her situation, a mom home would be better IMO than a fully funded college.

I don’t think it is all or nothing. What if mom was around and college is mostly funded.

I’m a SAHM and if that was the choice, I would work for college fund. DH earns enough so I can stay home and also pay for college, grad school, etc.

Yes it's challenging to find a 9-3 and summers off job unless you teach