You have a 5 week old infant.

You should not have gone on this trip. Period.

Your husband should have gone alone.

Traveling and handling the stress of kids and someone else’s medical emergency is downright irresponsible right now. YOU are recovering from your own medical event right now. And the reason your husband doesn’t feel it’s hard is because you’re doing everything with the kids (and probably helping your in-laws too.)

Your husband sucks.

A better man would not have asked this of you.

You need to keep basic supplies at an in-law's house - pack & play, inflatable bathtub, diaper cream, bath soap, cheap booster seat with tray table for eating, etc. Order a 1-2 week supply of diapers via Amazon to the house, only bring diapers you need for actual travel day(s). Order kid friendly nonperishable snacks/food via Amazon, do a grocery delivery order.

We have family on the West Coast that we see 2x per year. We bought a whole set of supplies that we keep there when baby #1 was born and now use for baby #2.

It definitely gets easier as kids get older. Traveling with a 5 week old and toddler is rough.

If your husband doesn't find it stressful at all then that signals that he is not doing his fair share of the work, both the physical work and the mental load of travel. Make him be 100% responsible for certain aspect of travel and not I don't mean just packing his own suitcase or you giving him a list of what he needs to do. He needs to be capable of being given a tak and doing it 100% on his own.

If there are no helpful grandparents OP, then your DH MUST step up. His wife just had a baby 5 weeks ago and his first priority is the family he made. He can't hang you out to dry to go help his mom. I'm sure there are others there who can help out the mom and DH can go visit a little each day.

Both my parents and my in-laws are five hours away, but not close to each other. Whenever it got difficult, I would remind myself that I was modeling for my kids that it was important to make the effort to see family. But I also didn't really need to bring anything to either house. They had cribs, medicine, diaper rash cream, snacks, toys, baby bathtubs, everything. It really makes a lot of difference.

My hometown is in a rural area, so I always order a handful of things to be delivered to my parents house before we arrive (specific diapers, wipes, formula, etc.) and just plan to do a quick grocery shop on the first day. At 5 weeks I would have given baby a sink bath. We have an extra carseat and crib at the grandparents’ house, so at this point (1 year old) we only bring our stroller and a few toys. Give yourself some grace. This trip would be hard for anyone! Hopefully more family members step in to help as things calm down a little.

Yes, it’s very hard and it’ll be hard till your youngest is at least 3-4. The 1-3 is the hardest. I still flew with kids, we wanted to go home and see family, so prepared as well as I could and went.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In OP’s situation I’d be staying with my own parents and my mom would have gotten everything we needed at her house and she’d be helping me a ton. OP, can you switch to your parents? Your inlaws have too much going on.

My mum is dead. My dad has no room at his house.

I'm sorry OP. I would still just buy whatever you need with the plan to leave it all stored at your inlaws house for future visits, since it sounds like that is where you will be staying when you visit.

But you need to have a serious conversation with your DH about him helping you more, or tell him that all four of you will need to go home.

Anonymous wrote:In OP’s situation I’d be staying with my own parents and my mom would have gotten everything we needed at her house and she’d be helping me a ton. OP, can you switch to your parents? Your inlaws have too much going on.

My mum is dead. My dad has no room at his house.

I did travel when my family was just a three hour direct flight away even when the kids were quite young. However, then they moved to a place that required two flights and we stopped traveling to them until the kids were older, and even now they travel to us more often. My family had a crib and car seat etc on the other end waiting for us, and lots of helping and willing hands. Not everyone has that of course.

Anonymous wrote:The adjustment to a new baby is hard, and sudden visits due to medical emergencies are hard so it’s understandable that you are struggling. If your husband is minimizing your experience because he is scared for his mom, I would understand that. If he’s really fine and just minimizing it, then I would ask him to step up and solve the food and bathtub issues.

I wouldn’t generalize from that to “all visits are going to be hard”z. Even a few months and a planned trip rather than emergency will make this much easier.

There is no "bathtub issue" (although the OP could order a bath from Amazon or Walmart or Target). Take the baby in the shower. Before getting in, put the carseat by the shower with a towel spread out. Start the water, when it's just above lukewarm, get in with the baby, wash the baby, open the door and put the baby in the seat and wrap the towel around them. Finish shower; get out and put on a diaper (or have the husband take the baby when you open the shower door.) I had four kids and never bought a bathtub. All kids remained clean, and babies relax in the shower.

I doubt OP wants to be home alone with a 2.5 year old and a 5 week old either. At least in their hometown she should have family helping and also her husband's help. It's probably easier to buy baby crap in a new place than it is to get sufficient help home alone away from family.

OP, can't your own family help out?

Anonymous wrote:Your DH should have gone to tend to his mother alone while you stayed home with your kids.

^^This is what I would’ve done, no questions about it. Your body is still recovering from carrying and delivering a baby. It’s healing and regulating inside and out. Your body and mind need rest.

On top of that, the newborn is too young to be around people. He hasn’t had his vaccinations yet, and there’s no way in hell I’d have him around anyone. I hope you’re not visiting one of the measles hotspots. Flu is still rampant as well, it’s been running through our office for weeks.

Next time tell your husband to go without you, and that you support him in spirit. You and the kids health should be forefront.

OP, it gets much easier! You are so newly postpartum. I felt the same way at that stage.

Not really… I have 3 kids and have traveled with them since birth. My family is a full day of air travel (multiple planes) away and we would go several times a year when they were small. A few things like ordering diapers, buying an extra pack & play and high chair or other “fixed” items to keep on hand at my parents was also very helpful. My mom would usually ask what to stock up on at the store before we came but the times where there were emergencies we made do.