Pretty amazed to see so many adults assume op's dd did something wrong, rather than the coach simply favoring some kids over others.

OP one thing I would pay attention to is basically what, if the coach were a parent, would be called mom/dad ball. People say paid coaches don't do it, but they absolutely can. It's not just about one kid. It's a favored in group. Those kids can make more errors, strike out more often, hustle less, whatever, because the coach just likes them. Maybe she clicks with their personalities. Maybe they're the most helpful. Maybe their moms run the boosters or teach at the school or something. Whatever it is, there's a connection between the coach and some of the kids. Meanwhile everyone else gets a tight leash on playing mistakes and somehow can never quite be good enough.

I don't even think that kind of behavior is usually intentional, but I've met plenty of softball coaches who do it. I've also met plenty who don't.

Maybe you've already addressed this, but does your DD control the controllables at practice? Does she hustle (this is a serious sticking point for a lot of softball coaches)? Is she attentive? Does she make the most of every opportunity? When she's in the dugout is she cheering on the team, paying attention to the game and sharing what she sees if anything?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a rec team. There is no equal playing time. If the coach thought she was a value add, he would be putting her in. Maybe he thinks she needs more time to develop and mature, maybe she’s not paying attention at practice, who knows. Not trying to put the blame on your daughter, but a plethora of things that could be going on that you just don’t know about. I warn you that if she quits this team, she’s unlikely to make JV or varsity in future years.

The issue is that it is making her hate the sport. I'm worried she won't ever want to try out for anything again - would you? If you were put on a team and then the coach singles you out as the only kid who doesn't get to play?

I completely understand this concern. My kid got to HS and the coach made her hate her sport.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think something strange is going on for sure (given they only have one extra player and the games have been very lopsided scores)

The only times I’ve seen coaches be this brutal about playing time, it has always been a behavioral issue of some sort.

One of the girls flirting with the coach has likely spread falsehoods about your kid.

NP: Yes. Or another parent perhaps. One who hangs around the coach…I have seen this done.. They will plant a little seed “oh Larla? I hope she has overcome her attitude issues…never has been a team player….” I overheard a dad say exactly that about another boy once (and it was NOT true at all)- the kid was better than his kid, so he was purposely trying to plant doubt.

It would seem a bit odd in this case given it is not even a competitive team but who knows I guess…

Anonymous wrote:I think something strange is going on for sure (given they only have one extra player and the games have been very lopsided scores)

The only times I’ve seen coaches be this brutal about playing time, it has always been a behavioral issue of some sort.

One of the girls flirting with the coach has likely spread falsehoods about your kid.

^ and both my kids quit HS and just did club by Junior year.

Anonymous wrote:In my experience playing time is rarely awarded on just merit. My kid is a starter on her travel team, but the two kids who sit the bench most are NOT the two worst players. But the two worst players have major suck up/highly involved parents.

+100

That is our high school program

I have a kid playing in college that ride the bench in HS (he did not in club- was a starter). He attended all HS practices, was not one of the trouble makers, and has always been very coachable.

We don’t play those suck up, kiss @ss games in our house. So there was a lot of pain at times in youth sports—but eventually …and it can take until 18 years old+—merit/performance is what will matter and these kids without the suck up parents will have serious grit.

What does your DD say about it, OP? Anything? Has anything notable happened during practice at all, or has the coach given her any feedback at all during practice?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how is she with her teammates? Is she friends with them, or does she appear to chat and interact with them from what you can observe?

Just asking because sometimes if a player does not seem part of “the group” a coach will just follow along with that.

Also she doesn’t look out of place for any other reason, does she? You are a sports family so probably not…but she has all the right equipment, wears what the others are wearing etc to practice and games? Just had to ask because my DD was on a terrible MS softball team once (everyone made the team, not competitive at all) and there were 2 girls who wore sweatpants or school clothes and sneakers to practice rather than cleats and SB pants…

She definitely looks the part and she says she is friends with the girls - she mentions things about them and tells me what they talked about. She has been to all of the practices and tells me that kids who haven't been to all of them are still getting playing time - it's a mystery. I've asked her email the coach so we will see what happens.

That sucks OP, I’m sorry. You are not crazy - it does sound really weird. We sub in absolutely terrible players who skip lots of practices (annoying for other reasons) so it’s crazy to me that your daughter would not play in this situation.

Anonymous wrote:I think something strange is going on for sure (given they only have one extra player and the games have been very lopsided scores)

The only times I’ve seen coaches be this brutal about playing time, it has always been a behavioral issue of some sort.

+1

Especially since this season pretty much just started and he obviously was the one that chose her for the team.

I think something strange is going on for sure (given they only have one extra player and the games have been very lopsided scores)

The only times I’ve seen coaches be this brutal about playing time, it has always been a behavioral issue of some sort.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how is she with her teammates? Is she friends with them, or does she appear to chat and interact with them from what you can observe?

Just asking because sometimes if a player does not seem part of “the group” a coach will just follow along with that.

Also she doesn’t look out of place for any other reason, does she? You are a sports family so probably not…but she has all the right equipment, wears what the others are wearing etc to practice and games? Just had to ask because my DD was on a terrible MS softball team once (everyone made the team, not competitive at all) and there were 2 girls who wore sweatpants or school clothes and sneakers to practice rather than cleats and SB pants…

She definitely looks the part and she says she is friends with the girls - she mentions things about them and tells me what they talked about. She has been to all of the practices and tells me that kids who haven't been to all of them are still getting playing time - it's a mystery. I've asked her email the coach so we will see what happens.

That sounds like a good plan. I’ll be curious how the coach responds. My kids play a lot of sports (and have sat the bench plenty) but I agree with you that this particular scenario sounds very off. Something else is going on here- unrelated to her softball skills.

I agree with the idea of observing a practice if you can do so without being noticed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Softball. They have 9 players on the field. Her team only has 10 players.

OP, we have a similar school softball team (has to beg for players) and they do rotate everyone in at the end. With 10 players, the 9th and 10th best players would just split the innings.

DP and we have a similar softball team. My daughter is a starter, but she's definitely in the bottom half of the team. She gets rotated out halfway through the game for one of the bench players...every game. This has happened in relatively close games and in blowouts either way.

OP is your daughter also playing on a club or rec team? A lot of JV girls in our area do that in order to keep working.

Does she have inattentive ADHD by chance?

Anonymous wrote:OP how is she with her teammates? Is she friends with them, or does she appear to chat and interact with them from what you can observe?

Just asking because sometimes if a player does not seem part of “the group” a coach will just follow along with that.

Also she doesn’t look out of place for any other reason, does she? You are a sports family so probably not…but she has all the right equipment, wears what the others are wearing etc to practice and games? Just had to ask because my DD was on a terrible MS softball team once (everyone made the team, not competitive at all) and there were 2 girls who wore sweatpants or school clothes and sneakers to practice rather than cleats and SB pants…

It didn't occur to anyone that maybe they didn't have money for equipment?! Was this at school?!