Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 21:11     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
Just do it. But, let her your GF know that you are doing it and it is non-negotiable. If she disagrees, she may not be the right person for you. If she does not react negatively, that ir great.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 16:52     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
I see nothing wrong with you giving this money to your parents. You earned it and it is yours to do with what you want. However, not telling your wife is wrong. She should respect your decision and also respect you for being honest and open with her. So you not telling her can crest problems and if you do tell her and she isn’t OK with it than you also have problems. Both are reasons not to marry.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 16:38     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are entitled to set aside $1 million for your parents. Holding it from your fiancée is messed up. You should be going over your finances with a fine toothed comb before getting married. Get a prenup. Give her plenty of time to go over it with a lawyer.

You need to start thinking like a team. Right now, you’re tweeting to pull one over on her. Therapy gets recommended a lot on this board, but in this case it’s warranted. WHY, in the name of all things holy, do you think it’s appropriate to hide $1 million from the women you think you love? That’s really, really messed up. Or you’re a troll. If this is real, you need help.


OP here. Why would my wife need to know about my financial situation, aside from I am neither in debt nor gambling? I make 400K/yr, and she makes 100k/yr. I always wanted to give 1M to my parents because they adopted me from China when I was two years old. They did not have a lot of money when they adopted me, and gave me every opportunity to succeed. Would that make any difference if I gave my parents that 1M before I met my wife to be vs. after I met my wife to be?


OP I was casually dating someone. I wanted to buy a beach house as a bank had a foreclosure. I called my brother and sister if they wanted to go in on it. My GF at time when I mentioned it said sounds great we will split it four ways. Even at three months in the GF was saying if we have a future you don't make big financial decisions without me.

I was dumb as two years earlier I bought anew Jeep I wanted and my GF at time was furious. She knew I spent money that she was planning to be used on a Ring, Honeymoon and towards a downpayment. She was right to be mad.

I did it twice. I learned the third time
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 16:33     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
what a horrible thing to do. I say that as my Dad did same thing. We lived in a rental and he gave his mom and dad down payment on house and paid their mortgage when we were young. It was to help them in his crazy mind and we would get house. Well his brother and sister had Mom change a year or two before Moms death and my Dad got sick and Died a week before his mother leaving my mom penniless with four kids.

Was not his money to give away.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 16:11     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
Anonymous wrote:If you are afraid of how she would react to this it tells me you shouldn’t marry this woman.


+1

She deserves to know. You are setting yourself up for marital problems if you cannot communicate about this---there are many more difficult subjects to discuss thru life and hiding details is not healthy
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 16:09     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are entitled to set aside $1 million for your parents. Holding it from your fiancée is messed up. You should be going over your finances with a fine toothed comb before getting married. Get a prenup. Give her plenty of time to go over it with a lawyer.

You need to start thinking like a team. Right now, you’re tweeting to pull one over on her. Therapy gets recommended a lot on this board, but in this case it’s warranted. WHY, in the name of all things holy, do you think it’s appropriate to hide $1 million from the women you think you love? That’s really, really messed up. Or you’re a troll. If this is real, you need help.


OP here. Why would my wife need to know about my financial situation, aside from I am neither in debt nor gambling? I make 400K/yr, and she makes 100k/yr. I always wanted to give 1M to my parents because they adopted me from China when I was two years old. They did not have a lot of money when they adopted me, and gave me every opportunity to succeed. Would that make any difference if I gave my parents that 1M before I met my wife to be vs. after I met my wife to be?


because in a healthy marriage, you discuss finances and don't hide anything, certainly not $1M giveaways.
The fact you will make $400K and she will make $100K does NOT matter. You are equal in the marriage and should be sharing, not claiming "his or hers".
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 16:00     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are entitled to set aside $1 million for your parents. Holding it from your fiancée is messed up. You should be going over your finances with a fine toothed comb before getting married. Get a prenup. Give her plenty of time to go over it with a lawyer.

You need to start thinking like a team. Right now, you’re tweeting to pull one over on her. Therapy gets recommended a lot on this board, but in this case it’s warranted. WHY, in the name of all things holy, do you think it’s appropriate to hide $1 million from the women you think you love? That’s really, really messed up. Or you’re a troll. If this is real, you need help.


OP here. Why would my wife need to know about my financial situation, aside from I am neither in debt nor gambling? I make 400K/yr, and she makes 100k/yr. I always wanted to give 1M to my parents because they adopted me from China when I was two years old. They did not have a lot of money when they adopted me, and gave me every opportunity to succeed. Would that make any difference if I gave my parents that 1M before I met my wife to be vs. after I met my wife to be?

If you’re so sure of yourself then why post here?
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 15:54     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are entitled to set aside $1 million for your parents. Holding it from your fiancée is messed up. You should be going over your finances with a fine toothed comb before getting married. Get a prenup. Give her plenty of time to go over it with a lawyer.

You need to start thinking like a team. Right now, you’re tweeting to pull one over on her. Therapy gets recommended a lot on this board, but in this case it’s warranted. WHY, in the name of all things holy, do you think it’s appropriate to hide $1 million from the women you think you love? That’s really, really messed up. Or you’re a troll. If this is real, you need help.


OP here. Why would my wife need to know about my financial situation, aside from I am neither in debt nor gambling? I make 400K/yr, and she makes 100k/yr. I always wanted to give 1M to my parents because they adopted me from China when I was two years old. They did not have a lot of money when they adopted me, and gave me every opportunity to succeed. Would that make any difference if I gave my parents that 1M before I met my wife to be vs. after I met my wife to be?


You have every right to do what you want with your money. But to keep things above board, tell your fiance what you are doing (not ask or consult or other BS pepole are talking about here) and set that $1M aside. If that's not possible, do a pre-nup to take care of pre-marital assets (both of yours). Once you get married, the 400K you make is marital and shared. If she reacts negatively to this, she's not the right one for you or your family.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 15:35     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
It’s pretty simple and you are getting consistent advice. Tell your fiance and set aside the money for your parents. It’s not complicated and will likely come up at some point in your marriage. Your fiancé’s reaction might also give you more insight into her values. We recently met with a financial planner and elderly care for parents was a topic they brought up since it’s something most couples face. If either of our parents need $ in the future, we will tackle it together as a couple. It will likely be received positively by your fiancé that you already have a plan and resources for them.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 15:34     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
If you are afraid of how she would react to this it tells me you shouldn’t marry this woman.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 15:32     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are entitled to set aside $1 million for your parents. Holding it from your fiancée is messed up. You should be going over your finances with a fine toothed comb before getting married. Get a prenup. Give her plenty of time to go over it with a lawyer.

You need to start thinking like a team. Right now, you’re tweeting to pull one over on her. Therapy gets recommended a lot on this board, but in this case it’s warranted. WHY, in the name of all things holy, do you think it’s appropriate to hide $1 million from the women you think you love? That’s really, really messed up. Or you’re a troll. If this is real, you need help.


OP here. Why would my wife need to know about my financial situation, aside from I am neither in debt nor gambling? I make 400K/yr, and she makes 100k/yr. I always wanted to give 1M to my parents because they adopted me from China when I was two years old. They did not have a lot of money when they adopted me, and gave me every opportunity to succeed. Would that make any difference if I gave my parents that 1M before I met my wife to be vs. after I met my wife to be?


Yes, it makes a difference if you gave your parents $1m before meeting her versus 3 months before marrying her. Optically, moving that much money before a wedding without any discussion makes it look like you are telling her never to trust you again. Also, $1m is a significant multiple of your after-tax income. If you want to do it right, get a prenup and be honest about it all.


This. If you are planning to have children, this is money you are taking away from your future children.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 15:19     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
Smart.
Short of a pre-nup,
Anyone with any assets pre-marriage should set it aside in a separate account, and NEVER touch it or NEVER commingle it with any marital assets at all. Don't pay any bills out of it or continue to fund it, then it might "transmute" to marital.
And keep historical records of all accounts as of your marriage date, to prove they existed pre-marriage.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 15:19     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are entitled to set aside $1 million for your parents. Holding it from your fiancée is messed up. You should be going over your finances with a fine toothed comb before getting married. Get a prenup. Give her plenty of time to go over it with a lawyer.

You need to start thinking like a team. Right now, you’re tweeting to pull one over on her. Therapy gets recommended a lot on this board, but in this case it’s warranted. WHY, in the name of all things holy, do you think it’s appropriate to hide $1 million from the women you think you love? That’s really, really messed up. Or you’re a troll. If this is real, you need help.


OP here. Why would my wife need to know about my financial situation, aside from I am neither in debt nor gambling? I make 400K/yr, and she makes 100k/yr. I always wanted to give 1M to my parents because they adopted me from China when I was two years old. They did not have a lot of money when they adopted me, and gave me every opportunity to succeed. Would that make any difference if I gave my parents that 1M before I met my wife to be vs. after I met my wife to be?


Yes, it makes a difference if you gave your parents $1m before meeting her versus 3 months before marrying her. Optically, moving that much money before a wedding without any discussion makes it look like you are telling her never to trust you again. Also, $1m is a significant multiple of your after-tax income. If you want to do it right, get a prenup and be honest about it all.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 15:15     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
^^^ can't
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2025 15:14     Subject: set aside money for parents without telling your wife to be.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are entitled to set aside $1 million for your parents. Holding it from your fiancée is messed up. You should be going over your finances with a fine toothed comb before getting married. Get a prenup. Give her plenty of time to go over it with a lawyer.

You need to start thinking like a team. Right now, you’re tweeting to pull one over on her. Therapy gets recommended a lot on this board, but in this case it’s warranted. WHY, in the name of all things holy, do you think it’s appropriate to hide $1 million from the women you think you love? That’s really, really messed up. Or you’re a troll. If this is real, you need help.


OP here. Why would my wife need to know about my financial situation, aside from I am neither in debt nor gambling? I make 400K/yr, and she makes 100k/yr. I always wanted to give 1M to my parents because they adopted me from China when I was two years old. They did not have a lot of money when they adopted me, and gave me every opportunity to succeed. Would that make any difference if I gave my parents that 1M before I met my wife to be vs. after I met my wife to be?


I wouldn't marry someone if I didn't understand his/her total financial situation. And you are proposing beginning a marriage with a giant secret. Rest assured, eventually it will come out. And that after all the responses, you still are convinced you should do this is telling that you are stubborn and/or have low EQ that you can understand that this is a really bad idea.