I have been though this all. Mine was brutal

with the hindsight of time, I think most formal custody negotiations are unnecessary

They are pushed by lawyers

People get paranoid and worked up when you discuss kids . The lawyers make sure of it!

Anonymous wrote:Op: who are you? what’s all this parent
a and parent b stuff

can you be clear ?

Is this your style ?

Who are YOU? What is not clear? OP has asked a question and given scenarios. Goodness. Use your reading skills.

No a Spouse's physical absence from parenting is NOT relevant. You're going to waste years of energy and what, 80k trying to fight this, likely to not get the outcome, possibly to make things even worse (like you may have to agree to not move state etc). Just my experience but what a drain. I have resigned myself to let it play out until they are 16 and then we can have more leeway. A practice of surrender...

Anonymous wrote:OP here, returning after things got quite busy. THANK YOU. Lots of very good practical evidence in this thread.

If 57/43 (5-4-3-2) poster is still around and reading can you lay out how this schedule works exactly? Is it that out of every 14 days you get the 5 and the 3? What day is the start date so he doesn't wind up with every weekend?

OP again - wondering if the 57/43 poster is still around to provide an example of this schedule. Thank you!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice. I do not think spouse truly wants 50/50, but also think spouse cant imagine not appearing as if 50/50 was wanted.

One thing that we did in our family is figure out ways to make offers that let the parent that wanted less save face, and that gave them things that were important to them.

+1.

+1 Also, saying family goes a long way. No parent wants to feel excluded

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even alcoholic and absentee parents still get 50/50. It’s a huge bar and nothing you describe would move the needle. Just accept 50/50 on paper and offer to take more time unpaid. It’s what all the primary parents do.

This was my understanding just from what I've heard in real life. But a couple of attorneys told me I should get majority custody. I'm skeptical.

Attorneys will routinely lie to you to get business. You will also hear the same folky sayings from every divorce attorney. It’s uncanny. Also, the best advice I got was: never tell them everything. It’s not necessary. They are not exactly your mother — ie not always on your side