Anonymous
03/26/2025 05:14
Subject: I am not a troll: my kid can’t handle being yelled at, at all
Anonymous wrote:I swear I’m not a troll and Idgaf about the culture wars or anything like that.
My preschooler is delightful, brave, and kind. I love them and we have what I think is a pretty secure and gentle but authoritative parenting style. We have rules and boundaries and consequences. But we almost never raise our voices. Like, almost never. And I’ve realized that if I raise my voice at my kiddo at all, they burst into tears.
Today it was a push on the stairs in a bad moment. I said “we do not push on the stairs” in I mean, a loud and stern voice. It’s the voice I would use on a dog doing something naughty. It wasn’t out of control angry or anything. I think it was totally appropriate given the importance of not pushing on the stairs. It caused a full meltdown of tears and general despair.
Is this just an age phase? Or am I creating a kid who isn’t going to be able to play sports or work in a firehouse or whatever? I don’t need to worry about this, right?
Im an adult and cry when someone I know yells at me so...
Anonymous
03/25/2025 21:09
Subject: Re:I am not a troll: my kid can’t handle being yelled at, at all
Anonymous wrote:This is my DD8 to a tee. Things are fine at home since no one is yelling and we have good relationships.
But she is really, really struggling in public school. Observing teachers yelling at other kids or at the whole group multiple times a day is causing her great stress. She breaks down at bedtime and just can’t handle it.
How can I make her more tolerant to the classroom yelling? It’s like her nervous system cannot be convinced it’s not about her. She also empathizes with some of the kids and feels insecure about frazzled teachers.
I can’t switch schools for various reasons and with the lack of individual consequences for kids these days I’m afraid she’s in for many years of angry, frustrated teachers and stressful classrooms. Any advice appreciated.
My DS8 as well. The lunchroom is the worst. Having a calm teacher this school year has made a world of difference.
Anonymous
03/24/2025 18:42
Subject: I am not a troll: my kid can’t handle being yelled at, at all
My feeling based on my life is kids traumatized by yelling or even frozen silent disapproval are terrified they won't meet the conditions for love they interpret as conditional.
Like, I tearfully told my mother in 6th grade when I got my all A report card I was afraid that I would have had a B in arithmetic. I had cried and agonized in bed at night for a week.
What did she do? She said, but you got the A didn't you.
That's felt conditional love. Not saying parents here feel conditional love but somehow kids are feeling they need to do something to be loved and if people yell in their presence it's on them .
Like, I tearfully told my mother in 6th grade when I got my all A report card I was afraid that I would have had a B in arithmetic. I had cried and agonized in bed at night for a week.
What did she do? She said, but you got the A didn't you.
That's felt conditional love. Not saying parents here feel conditional love but somehow kids are feeling they need to do something to be loved and if people yell in their presence it's on them .
Anonymous
03/24/2025 17:35
Subject: I am not a troll: my kid can’t handle being yelled at, at all
This sounds totally normal.
Anonymous
03/24/2025 17:24
Subject: Re:I am not a troll: my kid can’t handle being yelled at, at all
Anonymous wrote:This is my DD8 to a tee. Things are fine at home since no one is yelling and we have good relationships.
But she is really, really struggling in public school. Observing teachers yelling at other kids or at the whole group multiple times a day is causing her great stress. She breaks down at bedtime and just can’t handle it.
How can I make her more tolerant to the classroom yelling? It’s like her nervous system cannot be convinced it’s not about her. She also empathizes with some of the kids and feels insecure about frazzled teachers.
I can’t switch schools for various reasons and with the lack of individual consequences for kids these days I’m afraid she’s in for many years of angry, frustrated teachers and stressful classrooms. Any advice appreciated.
This is op, this is basically what I’m worried about. But I guess we’ll just carry on and see how we go.
Anonymous
03/24/2025 17:23
Subject: I am not a troll: my kid can’t handle being yelled at, at all
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am i the picky who thinks that is a good thing? That sounds like healthy boundary
Yeah, but the poor preschooler is trapped in that family until adulthood. It will be a traumatic upbringing, for sure. The kid is the canary in ops dysfunctional coal mine.
Not just trapped in that family unit until adulthood; it might also be that they are trapped in a body which does not correspond with their true gender. Have you asked them about this, OP? Many therapists in 2025 specialize in this area; maybe have your child talk to one of them to check it out?
You gotta get a life, man.