Anonymous wrote:My 26-year-old oldest son and I had a long conversation yesterday, and he told me that he wished that I would have pushed him much harder into music and sports activities when he was younger.

I put him to take piano and guitar at the age of six, golf at the age of six, and tennis at the age of seven. It was a constant struggle with him from the age of six until he turned eleven, because he said to me that he hated them. He was really into academics and fought me every step along the way. I gave up on him about music/sports at the age of eleven. He graduated from an Ivy and is making a lot of money; however, he feels like he doesn't have anything else in his life. He wants to learn music and golf, but it is going to take a long time for him to learn. His dating life, according to him, is not that great either because, according to him, women are looking for guys with other qualities besides bringing home a big paycheck.

On the other hand, his 24-year-old younger brother was the complete opposite. He also started piano, music, golf and tennis at the age of six, and he took them very seriously until he left for college. He never complained about pushing him to do those things. He went to a state school and made so many friends there. He makes good money but his life, according to him, is very good. He plays sports and music with friends on most weekdays and weekends, and he also has a very busy dating life with a lot of women to choose from. He attributes that to how he was pushed by me as a child, and now he is benefitting from it.

​Do you regret not pushing your kid harder?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids aren't adults yet, but just reflecting on music. I asked both my kids to try an instrument and both did so happily at first.

The older one chose piano. She's quite good at it, but hates to practice. I've been encouraging her to continue (now in 6th grade) even if she doesn't practice a ton. She plays a bit every day and I call that a win. She does enjoy music and playing, just not practicing, which I don't think is that unusual for 11 yo.

The younger one chose violin. She played for 2 years and practiced daily. She didn't hate it at first, but by the end of the first year she was pretty unhappy. We switched teachers and tried again. She was really terrible at it (even with daily practice and trying her best) AND hated every bit of it. She got no joy out of playing. Ever. I let her quit with zero remorse.

I'm sure some would let my older one quit and others would push the younger one to continue. I've tried to follow their strengths and separate out whether they dislike playing altogether or just practicing. I guess I'll see how they feels as adults.

I find it hard to believe then when a kid is offered any instrument choice to play, that they would pick the violin. Any time I hear parents say their kid chose the violin, often it was between a violin an oboe and a French Horn...not literally any instrument that exists. Often times those parents are prejudiced against pop music instruments.

Sometimes you have to go with your gut and realize that very few kids actually want to play the violin if they could literally choose anything, and suggest an instrument that someone would likely play for fun as an adult.

She was too little for a wind instrument at the time she started, so the options were strings or piano and her sister already played piano.

Her first teacher actually specialized in fiddle and did a combination of classical and fiddle music. He played lots of fun songs and events professionally and even taught her Baby Shark.

The second teacher loves pop music and plays violin backup on weekends to a T Swift impersonator. She'd write simple riffs and rhythms from T Swift songs for my daughter to try at lessons. Not stodgy. I wasn't going for Carnegie Hall, but a happy kid.

I really tried my best to find good fits and make it fun. The younger one could still choose a wind instrument next year in elementary school when they start band, so that's still an option, though I don't think she wants to try.

Just for reference, my older one is currently learning Popular from Wicked on piano. Her selection. I certainly don't push classical music, though their teachers usually slip some in here and there.

Guitar would have been the obvious choice.

I'm not aware of teachers who do guitar with little kids. That's more upper elementary at the earliest. I'm sure there are exceptions, but it's not as common as piano or violin.

My kid started guitar at 7. I literally just went to the music school down the street and off they went. Maybe I got lucky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids aren't adults yet, but just reflecting on music. I asked both my kids to try an instrument and both did so happily at first.

The older one chose piano. She's quite good at it, but hates to practice. I've been encouraging her to continue (now in 6th grade) even if she doesn't practice a ton. She plays a bit every day and I call that a win. She does enjoy music and playing, just not practicing, which I don't think is that unusual for 11 yo.

The younger one chose violin. She played for 2 years and practiced daily. She didn't hate it at first, but by the end of the first year she was pretty unhappy. We switched teachers and tried again. She was really terrible at it (even with daily practice and trying her best) AND hated every bit of it. She got no joy out of playing. Ever. I let her quit with zero remorse.

I'm sure some would let my older one quit and others would push the younger one to continue. I've tried to follow their strengths and separate out whether they dislike playing altogether or just practicing. I guess I'll see how they feels as adults.

I find it hard to believe then when a kid is offered any instrument choice to play, that they would pick the violin. Any time I hear parents say their kid chose the violin, often it was between a violin an oboe and a French Horn...not literally any instrument that exists. Often times those parents are prejudiced against pop music instruments.

Sometimes you have to go with your gut and realize that very few kids actually want to play the violin if they could literally choose anything, and suggest an instrument that someone would likely play for fun as an adult.

She was too little for a wind instrument at the time she started, so the options were strings or piano and her sister already played piano.

Her first teacher actually specialized in fiddle and did a combination of classical and fiddle music. He played lots of fun songs and events professionally and even taught her Baby Shark.

The second teacher loves pop music and plays violin backup on weekends to a T Swift impersonator. She'd write simple riffs and rhythms from T Swift songs for my daughter to try at lessons. Not stodgy. I wasn't going for Carnegie Hall, but a happy kid.

I really tried my best to find good fits and make it fun. The younger one could still choose a wind instrument next year in elementary school when they start band, so that's still an option, though I don't think she wants to try.

Just for reference, my older one is currently learning Popular from Wicked on piano. Her selection. I certainly don't push classical music, though their teachers usually slip some in here and there.

Guitar would have been the obvious choice.

I'm not aware of teachers who do guitar with little kids. That's more upper elementary at the earliest. I'm sure there are exceptions, but it's not as common as piano or violin.