Perhaps you also need a financial advisor consultation if there are complex issues who works with such situations as an attorney may not be versed in such aspects.

OP here

To clarify, I’m not the only person commenting on here mid-divorce, so there are a bunch of us in the same shitty position with different needs and I’m so happy we’ve found each other!

In my case, it’s going to be very complex and very contingent on my having really thought through the scenario properly. There’s no outright mental illness (just some narcissism) but there are a lot of complicating factors including kids with medical conditions, APs, prenup, hard to value assets, dramatic family members, future inheritance and self-employed parties.

I’m also the type of person who will be fixating and flogging myself years later for missing something important like not putting in writing who gets thanksgiving or some minutiae along those lines.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s best to let things settle down and then get divorced otherwise it’s like trying to get a toddler to put on their shoe. But the tantrum take two years

Who is this advice for? The injured spouse? I don’t see the rush and agree I need to process the hurt my spouse caused me with the betrayal. But he’s in such a rush and thinks we can get this done in a few months. I feel like I’m not ready yet to be rational and will throw a lot of money away on lawyer fees for stuff that’s better worked out in therapy.

He wants to move on with the AP. You don’t see the rush but he does.

If so, she holds the cards. Slow it down. Fire your lawyer for a while/ Having multiple divorce lawyers - That is super common

Exactly. If he wants out quick he’s either got to make an offer I can’t refuse or be willing to take some punches along the way. If he wants something more reasonable he should let his balls cool off while my anger does.

Pp. sorry OP for not sticking to topic! I’m going to give your original question some thought.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s best to let things settle down and then get divorced otherwise it’s like trying to get a toddler to put on their shoe. But the tantrum take two years

Who is this advice for? The injured spouse? I don’t see the rush and agree I need to process the hurt my spouse caused me with the betrayal. But he’s in such a rush and thinks we can get this done in a few months. I feel like I’m not ready yet to be rational and will throw a lot of money away on lawyer fees for stuff that’s better worked out in therapy.

He wants to move on with the AP. You don’t see the rush but he does.

If so, she holds the cards. Slow it down. Fire your lawyer for a while/ Having multiple divorce lawyers - That is super common

Exactly. If he wants out quick he’s either got to make an offer I can’t refuse or be willing to take some punches along the way. If he wants something more reasonable he should let his balls cool off while my anger does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to reread the thread because I thought I missed something. How could wanting to have college paid for make you a “leach”

Crazy.

She’s salty that there’s less left for her spawn.

Yup. Have seen college funds and retirements, of which you are owed half during time of marriage, drained.

529 was intended for college and then redirected to private school for next family.

Have seen agreement to give up retirement portion due forged.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I’m hoping to come to an agreement without going to court, but I want to have everything well that out. In particular, I have medically complex kids and I need to make sure that they are always properly insured. I’m sure there are other things. I need to have a plan for with them, but making sure I get everything right is really getting me wound up. In theory, their father won’t be a jerk about their care, but I am wondering how things will change if and when there’s a new family involved.

What do you plan on providing financially?

I would try using mediation. Why give lawyers thousands of dollars.

If you do not trust the advice you are receiving and have to seek legal terms here then certainlyyou can get another attorney.


Go find another attorney, and once hired, that attorney will contact your current attorney. He can make arrangements for the one to withdraw and the other to take her place.
They send all the files. This is typical in this type of law.

You are under no obligation to employ a certain attorney, so if you want to replace that attorney, then by all means go for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s best to let things settle down and then get divorced otherwise it’s like trying to get a toddler to put on their shoe. But the tantrum take two years

Who is this advice for? The injured spouse? I don’t see the rush and agree I need to process the hurt my spouse caused me with the betrayal. But he’s in such a rush and thinks we can get this done in a few months. I feel like I’m not ready yet to be rational and will throw a lot of money away on lawyer fees for stuff that’s better worked out in therapy.

He wants to move on with the AP. You don’t see the rush but he does.

If so, she holds the cards. Slow it down. Fire your lawyer for a while/ Having multiple divorce lawyers - That is super common

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s best to let things settle down and then get divorced otherwise it’s like trying to get a toddler to put on their shoe. But the tantrum take two years

Who is this advice for? The injured spouse? I don’t see the rush and agree I need to process the hurt my spouse caused me with the betrayal. But he’s in such a rush and thinks we can get this done in a few months. I feel like I’m not ready yet to be rational and will throw a lot of money away on lawyer fees for stuff that’s better worked out in therapy.

He wants to move on with the AP. You don’t see the rush but he does.

Anonymous wrote:It’s best to let things settle down and then get divorced otherwise it’s like trying to get a toddler to put on their shoe. But the tantrum take two years

Who is this advice for? The injured spouse? I don’t see the rush and agree I need to process the hurt my spouse caused me with the betrayal. But he’s in such a rush and thinks we can get this done in a few months. I feel like I’m not ready yet to be rational and will throw a lot of money away on lawyer fees for stuff that’s better worked out in therapy.

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I saw in a friend's MSA:

The 529 plans remain the children's property and are to be spent on the education of the named beneficiary, and any leftover amount belongs to the named beneficiary. Parents agree to pay pro rata for the additional cost of a college degree. The higher earner was required to carry life insurance for the kids until the youngest was 23. Both parents split all direct costs of the kids - sports dues, equipment, tutors, car insurance, cell phones, out-of-pocket medical and dental, etc until each kid is 23—so, no lifelong or in-death commitments, but a commitment to get the kids through college.

Why do you need life insurance for the children? You mean life insurance for the adults with beneficiaries being the kids?

It’s best to let things settle down and then get divorced otherwise it’s like trying to get a toddler to put on their shoe. But the tantrum take two years

I agree with the above 100 percent

The problem is that a lot of middle aged people get temporary mental illness during the end of their marriage.

Anyone should be able to research and make a list of their personal property and online accounts. See sentence above re: why they struggle with creating that list.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I’m hoping to come to an agreement without going to court, but I want to have everything well that out. In particular, I have medically complex kids and I need to make sure that they are always properly insured. I’m sure there are other things. I need to have a plan for with them, but making sure I get everything right is really getting me wound up. In theory, their father won’t be a jerk about their care, but I am wondering how things will change if and when there’s a new family involved.

A standard custody agreement will list (among many other things) the childrens medical conditions in a section that states each parent must follow all medical directives re these conditions.

A standard custody agreement will also outline who will pay for the health insurance premiums as well as expenses and indicate at what $$ amount one parent needs to consult w the other parent about med expenses.

Check out Custody Exchange, sign up for a membership and go through the whole flow it takes you through to develop a custody agreement/parenting plan. Your mind will likely be put at ease with how detailed it is.