Sigh. I am living this hell right now because I invited all the girls and two boys. So no one or two kids are excluded or anything. Then, one of the boys I didn’t invite now has a party that overlaps with my kids party. They invited the whole class. I did not. That is the risk. This is first grade and I was sure we were done with whole class parties but I guess not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All class parties are, in my experience, very rare. I don't think we've been to more than a couple ever, and none older than kindergarten. Invite your kids friends.

Maybe all class parties shouldn't be rare? Perhaps if we were all more inclusive in general it would foster better relationships among the children at school?

Teacher here. I disagree. Kids can be mean to each other, and having to invite the mean kid to your birthday party seems like a potential problem and not one the birthday kid needs to deal with on their day. I do a lot to foster relationships in the classroom and during lunch bunches, etc. But at home and in your own time, that’s your safe space and you don’t need to invite people that make you feel bad about yourself.

I did all class parties for three kids all through their elementary schools without any problems. Nobody was being mean because they were all having a good time. And I used private venues so I could watch the kids carefully.

The bully problem is one thing but some mothers are as nasty as their kids and they invite everyone but the “odd” kid. The quiet kid who dresses funny and has no friends. Those are the children I think of when I decide to invite everyone.

That’s great that you could do whole class parties. I don’t imagine that your kids had a bully targeting them, because it would have been a hard thing for me to invite my kid’s bully to their party.

There’s always going to be a bully problem because when your child goes to someone’s birthday party his or her bully might have also been invited. Bullies will be at social events, school events.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone so comfortable sorting by gender? Seems a silly reason. We should be encouraging more mixed gender socializing for the benefit of both genders.

Mostly because it is an easy way to cut the list without hurting feelings, if you can’t accommodate 20+ kids from class.

But it’s really no different than inviting all the black kids or white kids.

You sound like a troll.

And you sound like someone who doesn’t think very critically. Why is it ok to exclude someone based on gender but not personality? They can control one of those things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All class parties are, in my experience, very rare. I don't think we've been to more than a couple ever, and none older than kindergarten. Invite your kids friends.

Maybe all class parties shouldn't be rare? Perhaps if we were all more inclusive in general it would foster better relationships among the children at school?

Teacher here. I disagree. Kids can be mean to each other, and having to invite the mean kid to your birthday party seems like a potential problem and not one the birthday kid needs to deal with on their day. I do a lot to foster relationships in the classroom and during lunch bunches, etc. But at home and in your own time, that’s your safe space and you don’t need to invite people that make you feel bad about yourself.

I did all class parties for three kids all through their elementary schools without any problems. Nobody was being mean because they were all having a good time. And I used private venues so I could watch the kids carefully.

The bully problem is one thing but some mothers are as nasty as their kids and they invite everyone but the “odd” kid. The quiet kid who dresses funny and has no friends. Those are the children I think of when I decide to invite everyone.

That’s great that you could do whole class parties. I don’t imagine that your kids had a bully targeting them, because it would have been a hard thing for me to invite my kid’s bully to their party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone so comfortable sorting by gender? Seems a silly reason. We should be encouraging more mixed gender socializing for the benefit of both genders.

Mostly because it is an easy way to cut the list without hurting feelings, if you can’t accommodate 20+ kids from class.

But it’s really no different than inviting all the black kids or white kids.

You sound like a troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone so comfortable sorting by gender? Seems a silly reason. We should be encouraging more mixed gender socializing for the benefit of both genders.

Mostly because it is an easy way to cut the list without hurting feelings, if you can’t accommodate 20+ kids from class.

But it’s really no different than inviting all the black kids or white kids.

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone so comfortable sorting by gender? Seems a silly reason. We should be encouraging more mixed gender socializing for the benefit of both genders.

Mostly because it is an easy way to cut the list without hurting feelings, if you can’t accommodate 20+ kids from class.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify. She’s turning 5, not in 5th grade.

Invite everyone or as many as the venue will accommodate.

5 year old boys have been known to tease 5 year old girls. They grow out of it.

FWIW It's "fox paws", not "faux pas".

Please tell me more about these fox paws. I'm truly hoping you think you're funny?

Haven’t you heard? Fox paws comes from the same dictionary as “wahlah”.

Why is everyone so comfortable sorting by gender? Seems a silly reason. We should be encouraging more mixed gender socializing for the benefit of both genders.

DDs first grade class had 21 kids total. We invited them all to a unique venue birthday and most of them came. It cost $$$ but they had an absolute blast and I would not have done a thing differently. As they get older they will gravitate towards smaller or girls or boys parties. Enjoy these years, they fly by quickly!

Our daughter turned 5 last year and she/we purposefully chose a venue with a 10-kid limit, meaning she could invite 8 friends from school (plus herself and her little sister). She chose 6 girls from her class (only half the girls in her class) and 2 from girl scouts who were in different classes.

I think it's fine to have a girls-only party and invite all the girls in her class. If you don't want to invite all the girls, then I think it's best not to only exclude 1-3 girls, because that will feel purposeful.

Invite all of the girls only.

I thought the “rule” was you either invite the whole class or less than half. Or either all the girls or less than half.

Teach your daughter that she does not have to make room for people who are unkind to her. If someone hurts her it is not her job to understand them and make them feel better. Our daughters aren’t social workers.