Gonna chime in here with another example of general misery, anxiety, resentment, and a personal fight against encroaching alcoholism to cope with it all

I assumevits similar to caring for special needs. People that need a lot of help with human life.

Anonymous wrote:AARP did a survey, you can find it on their site. They found massive caregiver burnout and awful impacts on the caregiver's own finances (from impacts on the caregiver's work to paying out of pocket for the recipient's needs).

PP again. Found the survey: https://www.aarp.org/pri/topics/ltss/family-caregiving/aarp-research-insights-caregiving/

AARP did a survey, you can find it on their site. They found massive caregiver burnout and awful impacts on the caregiver's own finances (from impacts on the caregiver's work to paying out of pocket for the recipient's needs).

Seeing this happen to my FIL (80) right now. For years, MIL has had some sort of cognitive decline but he’s hidden it and only fairly recently had her tested: results showed mid stage dementia (she’s still verbal, can perform most ADL, no longer drives) and FIL decided upon no further testing.

So, he does all of the caretaking to include grocery shopping, meal prep, housecleaning, doctor appointments. Already it’s taking a toll: FIL gets emotional and cries easily and refuses to hire or ask for any help. We’ve tried.

I worry that if FIL ever loses consciousness or worse, MIL would not know what to do (she can’t operate anything without help, can no longer write).

We cared for an elderly family member in our home for the past year. We loved her and I don't regret a minute of it, and also:
We both physically injured ourselves doing what needed to be done, even though we had training,
We didn't feel that we could have visitors in the house, even for an afternoon (so I bowed out of hosting my book club, neighborhood gatherings etc.) The smells were difficult. She liked to spend her time in front of the TV in our main gathering room.
We didn't travel that year.
We spent more than $20,000 out of pocket that year for co-pays, assistive devices that were not covered, etc.
We hired a sitter to come one day every other week to give us a break.
Again, we don't regret a minute of it but it was really hard - emotionally, physically, in every way.
I haven't seen any imaging studies of caregivers' brains but there must have been some changes.
We're just 3 months out (she died in January) and I'm still feeling the effects.
Both of my grandmothers died at home being cared for by my mom, but they were in their 70's and the daughter (my mom) was in her 50's. (You can do the math)..With better medicine these days (pacemakers, blood pressure & cholesterol meds) people are living into their 100's with daughter/caregivers in their 80's, if they survive the experience. I know of two women facing this right now.
Thanks for the opportunity to tell it like it is. People want to make us out to be saints or angels for doing this. That doesn't help.

From my own personal experience

🫠😶‍🌫️😥🙏🤬🤪😌😶

Anonymous wrote:In one study, they showed that a caregiver taking care of someone with dementia was likely to get dementia themselves. I read this study a long time ago but you could probably find it with google.

I think this happened to my mom. She took care of my grandfather for a few years in their house. In that time, I saw her cognitive function decline. Now, she's getting tested.

Elbowing my way in to mention that I’m certain Betsy Hackman’s health took a sharp decline when she alone took on all care of her elderly husband.

Anonymous wrote:It’s killing me.

Same - I gained 10 pounds and was diagnosed with high blood pressure after always having low normal BP even during 3 pregnancies. In addition, caregiving for my Mom has nearly destroyed my relationship with my father because we are constantly at odds and he has completely unrealistic expectations of me. It is killing me physically, mentally and emotionally.

I feel like OP started this post thinking there may be studies showing a lot of benefits to caregivers for elderly?

OP there is some research on this.

Informal Caregiver Burnout? Development of a Theoretical Framework to Understand the Impact of Caregiving
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6689954/

In one study, they showed that a caregiver taking care of someone with dementia was likely to get dementia themselves. I read this study a long time ago but you could probably find it with google.

Anonymous wrote:The interesting studies I have seen pointed out that contrary to popular belief, the first group that has done eldercare en masse was Boomer women. The Longitudinal Study of Generations out of California tracked boomers as kids, their parents, grandparents and now their children.

The boomer's parents and grandparents did very little eldercare and that is for living relatives. So they basically left them to fend for themselves, moved away, etc.

This is very interesting! And yes, I see this with my own family. My grandparents (born 1925-35) were the first real generation to live long lives. They all lived into their late 80s/90s. Their parents and grandparents all mostly died very sudden deaths in their 50s/60s. Only one of my great grandparents lived until her 80s and she was in a nursing home for 20 years. Same story with dh’s side.

Key is that now elderly really don’t have sudden deaths. With blood pressure, diabetes and cholesterol meds, people are dying of old age slowly. Even cancer used to be a quick killer in that you only lived months, whereas now you live another 5 years. It was hard to watch my grandparents go downhill for decades and now my parents too. People aren’t healthier than they used to be. If anything they’re heavier, with worse nutrition. So they are living long lives but in pain, sedentary and with many medical issues. Of course I’m grateful for their long lives, I just wish their bodies were as healthy as their minds.

It’s scary how much help the elderly need now and it coincides with women working (less SAHMs) and labor becoming increasingly expensive.