1k per person

Anonymous wrote:Same amount whether the two of us or four of us: $250

If it’s an outdoor picnic wedding or at the park plaza, same $250.

MAYBE if they hosted our meals and things for three days and it was crazy, we’d give more. Like a wedding in Monaco with events Friday through Sunday.

My nephew's wedding was a 4-day extravaganza that rivaled a Royal wedding -- it was all paid for by the bride's parents, so I don't see that having any influence on the amount of our gift.

We gave them $250. We never got a thank you note.

Jesus Christ. I would never give anything close to $500 for a wedding gift unless it was my immediate family. I truly cannot believe that is the expectation anywhere.

We got married in our 30s and explicitly stated no gifts and did not do a registry. We received a pile of lovely cards and were very happy. Nearly everyone were invited came, probably in part because they were relieved they weren’t expected to fork over thousand extra for a gift for two grown adults who own a home and can buy whatever they want for themselves. We recognized that many of our guests were paying $5k+ to fly internationally and get hotels for our wedding. The audacity is expecting your guests to give you another $1000 is just breathtaking.

Wedding gifts and registries started when people got married young and had no money and needed to set up a house. It’s absurd to ask for that level of generosity when you are a grown, self-sufficient adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the marrying couple is unemployed and rarely holding down a job. Or already has a child.

Definitely give as much as you can.

No, give what works for you, which doesn’t have to be “as much as you can.” If a couple is unemployed or facing serious childcare costs, they shouldn’t be throwing expensive weddings and expecting the costs to be defeated by their guests’ generosity.

Defrayed, not defeated!

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the marrying couple is unemployed and rarely holding down a job. Or already has a child.

Definitely give as much as you can.

No, give what works for you, which doesn’t have to be “as much as you can.” If a couple is unemployed or facing serious childcare costs, they shouldn’t be throwing expensive weddings and expecting the costs to be defeated by their guests’ generosity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you are paying for your flights, hotel and rental car plus some meals on their wedding weekend?

Irrelevant

Nope. Definitely plays into the calculus. People are so entitled these days.

Maybe the marrying couple is unemployed and rarely holding down a job. Or already has a child.

Definitely give as much as you can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a New York wedding, then call the couple and ask them how much they are paying per plate for each guest, then multiply it by the number of guests in your family.

Why? Because their expenses translate to an invoice for you under New York law.

OP here. I’m from NYC. I now live in DC. The wedding is for our friends here in DC, not NYC.

Give $1000s of dollars so they think you’re amazing!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For just regular weddings where it’s not close family? $200 is fine. You’re currently likely giving the most expensive gift. Especially if you’re talking about weddings where kids are invited — those tend to be more downscale and gifts are going to average much cheaper than childless affairs in manhattan. If it’s a family wedding, the answer changes.

$200 will definitely not be the most expensive gift in UMC families and if you are in the tri state area, it would be downright offensive. Know your audience.

No amount of a gift is “offensive”. Not if you were raised with the least bit of manners.

Do you know any New Yorkers?

OP here. I’m from NYC. I believe 500 is standard for a couple.

Meh. I do $300. Also NYC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For just regular weddings where it’s not close family? $200 is fine. You’re currently likely giving the most expensive gift. Especially if you’re talking about weddings where kids are invited — those tend to be more downscale and gifts are going to average much cheaper than childless affairs in manhattan. If it’s a family wedding, the answer changes.

$200 will definitely not be the most expensive gift in UMC families and if you are in the tri state area, it would be downright offensive. Know your audience.

No amount of a gift is “offensive”. Not if you were raised with the least bit of manners.

Do you know any New Yorkers?

OP here. I’m from NYC. I believe 500 is standard for a couple.

What’s your actual question OP?

Do your kids drink open bar? Do they work and give their own wedding gifts?

Anonymous wrote:$1,500 -2,000 for a family of 5.

Lol

Hard pass. And a lie.

Ask a wedding planner how full of krap that amount is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For just regular weddings where it’s not close family? $200 is fine. You’re currently likely giving the most expensive gift. Especially if you’re talking about weddings where kids are invited — those tend to be more downscale and gifts are going to average much cheaper than childless affairs in manhattan. If it’s a family wedding, the answer changes.

$200 will definitely not be the most expensive gift in UMC families and if you are in the tri state area, it would be downright offensive. Know your audience.

NYC has on down the tubes the last 10 years: pot stank everywhere, crime up, took down driving lanes, 20-30% tax surcharges on everything, lines take forever.

Why you’d get married there or continue to live there paying through the nose for all that is sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For just regular weddings where it’s not close family? $200 is fine. You’re currently likely giving the most expensive gift. Especially if you’re talking about weddings where kids are invited — those tend to be more downscale and gifts are going to average much cheaper than childless affairs in manhattan. If it’s a family wedding, the answer changes.

$200 will definitely not be the most expensive gift in UMC families and if you are in the tri state area, it would be downright offensive. Know your audience.

No amount of a gift is “offensive”. Not if you were raised with the least bit of manners.

Do you know any New Yorkers?

OP here. I’m from NYC. I believe 500 is standard for a couple.

Then give $1000. Dc people are very cheap and 90% of them would never give $500 when it’s just the couple attending. They think $250 is perfectly fine. Of course it is, but for New Yorkers that’s more like a shower gift amount.

That’s why DMV residents have more money than those from the New York region. They’re careful with their money. People in NY metro area are insecure & all about keeping up with Joneses.

Anonymous wrote:If it's a New York wedding, then call the couple and ask them how much they are paying per plate for each guest, then multiply it by the number of guests in your family.

Why? Because their expenses translate to an invoice for you under New York law.

If each set of parents is chipping in $50k and each of the couple is too, and they make $750k a year before taxes, they don’t care what you give.

$500 gift when you’re from out of town, flying, hotel, eating, etc is not necessary.

Frankly local people should give more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are no "rules". It's a celebration, not a financial obligation or a fund-raiser, although etiquette does require a gift of some kind. Still, you ought give only what you comfortably can afford, taking into account any collateral expenses associated with attending, as when it's a destination event where you'll incur travel costs just to be there.

For those who may say you should cover the per capita cost of attendance for yourself, nobody should be hosting an event if they're dependent upon repayment from guests in order to afford what they planned. Guests have no control over how elaborate, or not, an event is.

NP. While many disagree, I appreciate this take. The costs of attending the wedding should be relevant to the gift amount. My husband and I are struggling with the price of the wedding of a close family member. We aren't cheap, but as a larger family flying to a tropical destination requiring flights that will cost a minimum of $800 RT for each of us, paying for multiple rooms at an expensive hotel, purchasing high-priced food at the hotel, dressing for a cocktail dress code, plus the shower and gifts, we are talking about spending well over $5000 (probably closer to 10K), to attend this wedding. Our family members recognize what a huge ask it is for all of us to attend. I don't know if we can afford to give a gift of more than $1000 on top of these expenses. I sincerely hope that isn't the expectation, especially with the current economic uncertainty.

Don’t go or only a couple of you go.

No you don’t match the amount and apply head. It matters how close you are, second wedding, is it a destination wedding so it’s like 30 ppl who go, etc

You don’t have to do everything you’re invited to.