Anonymous wrote:I would acknowledge it if it were my spouse or sister or bff. I have lost about 20 pounds and I am dying for someone to notice. I will find it motivating. But just like my mom, or sister, or husband. The people who already know I am trying. I don’t want to talk about it with coworkers or casual friends.

This - I lost over 40 pounds (about 20% of my body weight) in 2020/early 2021 and received a lot of comments when we returned to the office post-COVID. Meanwhile, DH thought I lost 5 pounds and wondered why I was buying new clothes lol (I dropped from sz 12 to 2/4).

I would acknowledge it if it were my spouse or sister or bff. I have lost about 20 pounds and I am dying for someone to notice. I will find it motivating. But just like my mom, or sister, or husband. The people who already know I am trying. I don’t want to talk about it with coworkers or casual friends.

Anonymous wrote:I hate the thought that some one is focusing on my body. You have lost weight is basically like saying..I think of you as fat. I know that is not the intention but it is what it means to me.

God, I hate it too. I love my parents but they are so fat-phobic. My mom can recount every morsel of what every person at every gathering ate. I think she knows exactly what I weigh at every moment. I remember once I worked really hard - exercised and dieted to a tortured degree - and got down to 125 lbs at 5'7. My mom couldn't stop complimenting me. "THIS is your perfect weight!" she kept saying. "Your legs...your arms...absolutely gorgeous. Never looked better." And all I could think was please stfu. I definitely took it as an affront to my normal weight (10-15 lbs heavier).

To answer the OP, no. I don't think you should say anything other than, "You look wonderful." I absolutely despise when people comment on my weight in any, even when it's a positive. Stop focusing on my body.

I realize if I don’t have anything nice to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all, but: how is this not obvious to adults? Can you really not figure out what you should do in this situation? I genuinely don’t understand.

I hate the thought that some one is focusing on my body. You have lost weight is basically like saying..I think of you as fat. I know that is not the intention but it is what it means to me.

Sounds like the consensus is to not comment on it?

Anonymous wrote:Only if you’re over the age of 75.

I would think people over 75 don’t want to lose weight. People that old losing weight usually means they are unwell

Anonymous wrote:I’ve lost 115lbs over the last two years (yes, I’ve used medicine, diet and exercise).

I’ve heard every possible response ranging from nothing to “holy shit you lost a whole person”.

I don’t mind any of them except when people compare us. I’ve been blown away by how common it has been for people to respond with something like “dang, now I’m fatter than you. Now I have to lose weight”

This type of weight loss can make for awkward social interactions. I ran into someone that lost a similar amount of weight. I hadn’t seen her in maybe a year and half. She called my name, was excited to see me, and came up to talk to me. I stared at her blankly for several seconds because I literally had no idea who she was. She was unrecognizable. That’s a challenge to come back from because we both knew why I didn’t recognize her. I did my best to recover without mention of her drastic appearance change or weight, but it was incredibly awkward.

Only if you’re over the age of 75.

i think, if anything, you could say you look really nice today or something like that.

don't mention weight loss.

I lost 50lbs and people I hadn’t seen in a while had no idea what to say 🤣
I got a lot of “wow you look great!” Or “looking fit” but also things like “oh you look so different… did you cut your hair? I like it this length” or “oh you look… taller?” Lol. My ILs (diff culture) are the ones who say $hit like “oh you’ve lost weight, good job! Now DH/son needs to” as he’s lost 30lbs and they poke his stomach 🙄

I don’t mind you look nice/good/etc, no need to go into weight specifics.

Agree, say nothing. Or “you look good!” That gives them a chance to say “thanks, I lost 50 lbs” if they want, but doesn’t put them on the spot.

Don't say anything about the weight loss. Say something about the clothes or looking well. I lost 40 pounds during Covid. My parents died and life inside my house was hellish. Weight loss is not always for a good reason. People would congratulate me. It was awkward.

I’ve lost 115lbs over the last two years (yes, I’ve used medicine, diet and exercise).

I’ve heard every possible response ranging from nothing to “holy shit you lost a whole person”.

I don’t mind any of them except when people compare us. I’ve been blown away by how common it has been for people to respond with something like “dang, now I’m fatter than you. Now I have to lose weight”

Anonymous wrote:What do you say if someone has lost a lot of weight? If you say to someone - you look like you have lost some weight? It could be a backhanded compliment, sort of like saying to someone that their acne has cleared up to some degree or another.

If don't acknowledge that someone looks great, it could be taken like ill will. Is it best not to comment at all unless they bring it up?

ABSOLUTELY NOT out of the blue. I've known at least three people at work who were dying of something terrible. Unless you know this person well and they ask -OR- you are very concerned, keep your mouth shut. I've also known it to be a major sign of depression and/or stress. I lost a significant amount of weight in a very short amount of time due to major life issues. I didn't realize it. I wish someone had said something to kinda shake me out of it. My husband had wasted away to 90 lbs and nobody but me and our kids said anything. It took prompting people to say something for him to get medical attention. He nearly died and was in the hospital for something that could've been resolved earlier. It kills most people instantly, but he somehow beat the odds.