Anonymous
Post 02/13/2025 13:28     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Apparently never for many adult children in NYC:

https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/boomer-generation-wealth-nyc-how-do-people-afford-to-live.html
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2025 12:51     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was it right after college? How much did you help in college beyond housing and tuition?
For college, we paid room and board, books and school expenses, travel home and back, and tuition. We also gave them a used car sophomore or junior year.


For college - we are donut hole families. Kids went to in-state public schools for STEM education. They earned free tuition and one and a half years worth college credits. Both graduated with double majors. However, both stayed in dorms and apartments after the first year. So, we bought them new cars, room and board, all school expenses, all clothes, travel, socialization, supplies. They were on our medical plan until they were 25.

For grad - paid for everything once again. They also have access to a credit card in their name that we fund, access to our amazon, wf, costco, dept stores, uber, starbucks etc.

We did this for several reasons - a) kids are very frugal and since we are already established, it does not cost us much to include them. b) kids put most of their money in savings, IRA, investments. c) there is communication and transparency on both sides and kids are strategic and good moral kids with no bad habits d) kids know that roof over their head and basic living (food, car, clothes) will always be available to them e) we want to give them the leg up that we did not get. and so we not only did not want them to have any debts, but we also wanted most of their retirement savings to start now.

We will pay to the best of our abilities for college and wedding. We don't consider our children launched until they are married, and even then the soft transfer of wealth starts happening much earlier.



How? It seems unusual that a public university would give full ride (merit, I assume, given that you are a donut hole family)


DP: There are public universities that give full merit awards or close to it to top students. Just not T50 Universeities


Anonymous
Post 02/13/2025 12:39     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
DS is 26 and we still have him on our cell phone plan and car insurance. He has access to our amazon, starbucks, and uber. We occasionally give him a little money to have a special night out or if he gets hit with a higher cost need (i.e. new tires for his car).
He has a good paying job but lives in a high COL area. His partner is in her PhD program and makes very little money. She gets no support from her parents, so we are the only ones to help out. We can afford to help and don't mind to make things a little easier for them and relieve some financial stress. We told him that once his partner finishes her PhD and gets a job, we can talk about them moving toward true financial independence.

DD is 21 and just started her masters of accounting program. We pay 100% of everything except spending money. She's had good internships every year of college and is frugal so that money carries her for almost a whole year. When she finishes school she will get the same as her brother.

I think kids that have a runway toward financial independence do better in the long run than kids who are cut off and have to flounder.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2025 11:39     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:21. Had to be.


Can't if they are in grad or professional school.


They can if they work part time


Not in every program/university. The program my DD was most interested in did not allow attendees to have outside jobs. They could petition after their first year for an exception to have an outside job if they'd done an exceptional job during their first year of grad school.


What kid of program is this?


Law school or med school


How would a law school even know if you have a part time job? If you don't tell them, how would they ever find out?


I think you can get away with it in law school. I know of several friends who did. You definitely can't get away with it in medical school. I got my masters in child psychology and I wasn't allowed to have outside employment. My grad school stipend stipulated that the only employment I could have were my TA hours and research assistant hours. Assisting the professors and assisting the PhD candidates were my jobs through the grad program. Some held jobs on the sly, but always academic type jobs, like tutoring. Or babysitting a professor's kid. Professors would look the other way if those outside commitments didn't interfere with your TA/research assistant duties. Program heads and department Deans were much stricter. I know of one person who was asked to leave the program during my first year because they found out she had a retail job. I went to med school after my masters and there was no way I could have had outside employment during that time.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2025 09:39     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:21. Had to be.


Can't if they are in grad or professional school.


If you have to be 100% financially independent at 21, you are probably not in grad school.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2025 09:38     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
21, 45,never.
Useless question.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2025 09:37     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We will pay to the best of our abilities for college and wedding. We don't consider our children launched until they are married, and even then the soft transfer of wealth starts happening much earlier.


I feel like you can't assume marriage in this day and age. If they're 40 and unmarried, you won't consider them launched?


Right? I'm 48 and have been independent since I was 20. I probably won't ever get married.


Can I hijack for a moment to ask you about this? Do you ever get lonely? What do you do in your spare time? Do you visit family members and/or friends often?
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2025 03:00     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Kid #1 - age 24

Kid #2 - age 22

Kid #3 - age 23

Kid #4 - still at home at age 26 - working full-time and taking grad classes part-time - she pays for her car insurance, phone, health care (through her job), school, and travel - we don't charge her for rent or food (though she often buys groceries)
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2025 18:19     Subject: Re:At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Right after college. We helped them with the deposit, first month's rent, furnishing the place, gave them their car from HS (7 yo), and gifted them $10K (for their first year Roth IRA and to get started on 401K). Then they were set up and good. We still pay if they join us on vacation or fly to us, but they are able to pay all their bills and save for a house and retirement with their own job. They also take their own vacations (on their own budget)

The other is still in college, but expect that to be as soon as they get their first real job after college---we will do the same to setup and then they will be on their own
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2025 13:57     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was it right after college? How much did you help in college beyond housing and tuition?
For college, we paid room and board, books and school expenses, travel home and back, and tuition. We also gave them a used car sophomore or junior year.


For college - we are donut hole families. Kids went to in-state public schools for STEM education. They earned free tuition and one and a half years worth college credits. Both graduated with double majors. However, both stayed in dorms and apartments after the first year. So, we bought them new cars, room and board, all school expenses, all clothes, travel, socialization, supplies. They were on our medical plan until they were 25.

For grad - paid for everything once again. They also have access to a credit card in their name that we fund, access to our amazon, wf, costco, dept stores, uber, starbucks etc.

We did this for several reasons - a) kids are very frugal and since we are already established, it does not cost us much to include them. b) kids put most of their money in savings, IRA, investments. c) there is communication and transparency on both sides and kids are strategic and good moral kids with no bad habits d) kids know that roof over their head and basic living (food, car, clothes) will always be available to them e) we want to give them the leg up that we did not get. and so we not only did not want them to have any debts, but we also wanted most of their retirement savings to start now.

We will pay to the best of our abilities for college and wedding. We don't consider our children launched until they are married, and even then the soft transfer of wealth starts happening much earlier.



How? It seems unusual that a public university would give full ride (merit, I assume, given that you are a donut hole family)


In-State public. MD resident kid went to UMD for CS. Annual tuition was 10K for MD residents. UMD gave 40K for 4 years. + NMS scholarship of 8K for 4 years. UMD did not pay for room and board.

Full ride would mean - tuition+room+board



Anonymous
Post 02/12/2025 13:33     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:21. Had to be.


Can't if they are in grad or professional school.


They can if they work part time


Not in every program/university. The program my DD was most interested in did not allow attendees to have outside jobs. They could petition after their first year for an exception to have an outside job if they'd done an exceptional job during their first year of grad school.


What kid of program is this?


Law school or med school


How would a law school even know if you have a part time job? If you don't tell them, how would they ever find out?
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2025 13:32     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We will pay to the best of our abilities for college and wedding. We don't consider our children launched until they are married, and even then the soft transfer of wealth starts happening much earlier.


I feel like you can't assume marriage in this day and age. If they're 40 and unmarried, you won't consider them launched?


Right? I'm 48 and have been independent since I was 20. I probably won't ever get married.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2025 13:31     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
22, they started making about 100k right out of school.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2025 08:23     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:21. Had to be.


Can't if they are in grad or professional school.


They can if they work part time


Not in every program/university. The program my DD was most interested in did not allow attendees to have outside jobs. They could petition after their first year for an exception to have an outside job if they'd done an exceptional job during their first year of grad school.


What kid of program is this?


Law school or med school
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2025 08:12     Subject: At what age were your dcs 100% financially independent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was it right after college? How much did you help in college beyond housing and tuition?
For college, we paid room and board, books and school expenses, travel home and back, and tuition. We also gave them a used car sophomore or junior year.


For college - we are donut hole families. Kids went to in-state public schools for STEM education. They earned free tuition and one and a half years worth college credits. Both graduated with double majors. However, both stayed in dorms and apartments after the first year. So, we bought them new cars, room and board, all school expenses, all clothes, travel, socialization, supplies. They were on our medical plan until they were 25.

For grad - paid for everything once again. They also have access to a credit card in their name that we fund, access to our amazon, wf, costco, dept stores, uber, starbucks etc.

We did this for several reasons - a) kids are very frugal and since we are already established, it does not cost us much to include them. b) kids put most of their money in savings, IRA, investments. c) there is communication and transparency on both sides and kids are strategic and good moral kids with no bad habits d) kids know that roof over their head and basic living (food, car, clothes) will always be available to them e) we want to give them the leg up that we did not get. and so we not only did not want them to have any debts, but we also wanted most of their retirement savings to start now.

We will pay to the best of our abilities for college and wedding. We don't consider our children launched until they are married, and even then the soft transfer of wealth starts happening much earlier.



How? It seems unusual that a public university would give full ride (merit, I assume, given that you are a donut hole family)