Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I know they've put a ton of effort into their appearance, I will. Otherwise no.

Exactly - we don't talk a lot about appearances (I remember my mom always said things like "she'd be so pretty if she straightened her hair/ lost a little weight / wore some makeup / got a mani"), but if my dds (tween/teens) dress up for a show or school dance, I will tell them how beautiful they look. If my son (6) dresses up for church and has a fresh hair cut, I will tell him he looks so handsome. He has speech problems (among other things), and when I dress up or wear new earrings, he will tell me, "mommy, you look so handsome." He is the only one to ever notice lol so I'll take it.

When I was a tween/teen I would have interpreted this as my regular self was not good enough for a compliment.

I tell my kid I see her inner beauty shining out of her

Anonymous wrote:I try to avoid giving physical compliments.

When I was a kid I was told I was beautiful often. So much so I did child modeling.

Then I went through puberty and was not cute. The comments stopped. I noticed and it plummeted my self confidence.

Now I’m a slightly above average looking adult who still struggles deeply with self confidence. I find myself depending on compliments from those around me for self worth. I’m actually in therapy for it.

Perhaps an extreme example but I do avoid giving compliments like this.

Your feelings have nothing to do with your looks or the comments you received about them. Your feelings had everything to do with your parents and how they treated you. Only a "special" type of parent allows theor kid to model - it actually says a lot about the other types of messages you received as a kid and why you feel the way you do.

FWIW I have 4 kids. One is super model gorgeous and has been since birth. The rest are pretty, but not in the same league. Everyone told me she should be a model. Once she hit puberty everyone told her she should be a model. She asked me why she wasn't put in modeling and I said that it is a choice she has to make and I don't want to influence how she views that career path. We've discussed in length the pitfalls of that career. She's on the fence about it at 15 yo. Now if she wants to do it, I'll support her. She also has an IQ of 145 and wants to me a medical doctor. I don't want her to lose one dream for another.

Her self confidence shouldn't be tied to how she looks. Neither should yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I don't tell them that they are good-looking or beautiful in a direct way. I will tell them that they are looking very good when they are well dressed or they have made me very proud with their accomplishments. So I praise the effort.

I do tell them that if they were ugly or slow, I would have found it very easy to put them in daycare, not breastfeed them and continue my career. Instead I became a happy SAHM because they were so worth it and such a joy to be with.

You’re a monster

Yea that is some weird logic to tell your kids, implying that daycare and bottle fed kids are ugly/slow?

Is that what you got out of this? Wow, y'all are so easy to trigger. How will you survive the next 4 years?

It's pure entertainment (how other people parent) that's for sure.
Don't want to see negative comments, don't post on anonymous boards

A a sweet name. I do tell her she is lovely. We are not girlie girls. It’s not a vanity thing, she is beautiful. I love her gorgeous heart most of all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I don't tell them that they are good-looking or beautiful in a direct way. I will tell them that they are looking very good when they are well dressed or they have made me very proud with their accomplishments. So I praise the effort.

I do tell them that if they were ugly or slow, I would have found it very easy to put them in daycare, not breastfeed them and continue my career. Instead I became a happy SAHM because they were so worth it and such a joy to be with.

You’re a monster

Yea that is some weird logic to tell your kids, implying that daycare and bottle fed kids are ugly/slow?

Is that what you got out of this? Wow, y'all are so easy to trigger. How will you survive the next 4 years?

All the time to mine but they are 3 and 6.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I don't tell them that they are good-looking or beautiful in a direct way. I will tell them that they are looking very good when they are well dressed or they have made me very proud with their accomplishments. So I praise the effort.

I do tell them that if they were ugly or slow, I would have found it very easy to put them in daycare, not breastfeed them and continue my career. Instead I became a happy SAHM because they were so worth it and such a joy to be with.

You’re a monster

Yea that is some weird logic to tell your kids, implying that daycare and bottle fed kids are ugly/slow?

yes

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I don't tell them that they are good-looking or beautiful in a direct way. I will tell them that they are looking very good when they are well dressed or they have made me very proud with their accomplishments. So I praise the effort.

I do tell them that if they were ugly or slow, I would have found it very easy to put them in daycare, not breastfeed them and continue my career. Instead I became a happy SAHM because they were so worth it and such a joy to be with.

Wow! What if one of your beautiful daughters had a child with a facial difference? Gwyneth Paltrow did. What if one of your daughters had a “slow” child? This is so *wildly* ableist, and I’m not sure I’ve ever even used the term before, but it fits. All children are worthy of love.

But, I don't see all children getting love from their parents. In fact, most parents see their children as a burden. People post all the time about how they dislike their kids, their spouse etc.

What do you care what I think about my children. You only care about what I think about yours. And I don't.

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I don't tell them that they are good-looking or beautiful in a direct way. I will tell them that they are looking very good when they are well dressed or they have made me very proud with their accomplishments. So I praise the effort.

I do tell them that if they were ugly or slow, I would have found it very easy to put them in daycare, not breastfeed them and continue my career. Instead I became a happy SAHM because they were so worth it and such a joy to be with.

You’re a monster

Buttt what if they look like their parents

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I don't tell them that they are good-looking or beautiful in a direct way. I will tell them that they are looking very good when they are well dressed or they have made me very proud with their accomplishments. So I praise the effort.

I do tell them that if they were ugly or slow, I would have found it very easy to put them in daycare, not breastfeed them and continue my career. Instead I became a happy SAHM because they were so worth it and such a joy to be with.

Wow! What if one of your beautiful daughters had a child with a facial difference? Gwyneth Paltrow did. What if one of your daughters had a “slow” child? This is so *wildly* ableist, and I’m not sure I’ve ever even used the term before, but it fits. All children are worthy of love.

Anonymous wrote:I try to avoid giving physical compliments.

When I was a kid I was told I was beautiful often. So much so I did child modeling.

Then I went through puberty and was not cute. The comments stopped. I noticed and it plummeted my self confidence.

Now I’m a slightly above average looking adult who still struggles deeply with self confidence. I find myself depending on compliments from those around me for self worth. I’m actually in therapy for it.

Perhaps an extreme example but I do avoid giving compliments like this.

If your confidence is tied to external validation that’s unhealthy. Therapy maybe? To tell my good looking almost adult child that he’s handsome is not impacting his self esteem.

Anonymous wrote:Or cute? Handsome?

Is this considered negative now?

I occasionally say “you’re handsome.” I don’t say it regularly and it’s not negative to me.