Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious! If a man asked my dad for permission to marry me, my dad would say, “You don’t know my daughter at all, do you?” OP, this is DCUM, not the Catholic dating forum. Women here have their own careers and have ambitions other than having a million babies and making meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Wow you sound angry. DH and I were both law partners in our mid-30s and atheist DH still gave my Dad the courtesy of having a talk before he proposed. Lighten up!

The courtesy of treating a woman like a goat or cow? Yikes

What? How does a relationship between two men who are about to become relatives become me being a goat to you? You are freaky. Do you just look to twist every normal interaction between people into something that offends you? Why?

Anonymous wrote:No, they ask for a “blessing”. I’m very traditional and dh asked for a blessing. He asked his parents too. All 4 were waiting for that phone call. I’d assume most women would be upset if a man asked her dad for permission.

+1 I got engaged about 10 years ago and exactly this. Agree this isn't the norm anymore but my family is traditional and it was part of building that family relationship.

It really varies. One thing that I have seen recently with friends is the young couple together telling the parents (both sets) that they are engaged and they hope they have their blessing, or they wanted them to be the first to know. Something that sort of honors their parents but isn’t asking permission. I also see a lot of young men that tell the bride’s parents they’re going to propose and they hope they have their blessing. I haven’t heard of anyone *asking* permission in a long time.

When my father asked for my grandfather’s permission to propose, my grandfather sardonically said, “Do you know what you’re getting into?”

Anonymous wrote:Our post-Christian society doesn’t understand that marriage is not just the union of two people, but two families. Part of what’s wrong with our culture is too much emphasis on individualism and self-centeredness.

This is the United States, sweetie. Not everyone is a Christian. Read the first amendment. We are an individualistic nation. Get over it.

My DD's boyfriend called and asked to have dinner with my DH and I this past week when he is in our area in the coming months. He also asked that we not tell our DD about the dinner, so yes, they still ask. He is a very respectful and family oriented in his approach to life so we are not surprised by this, not in the least.


I would be horrified if one of my daughters' potential fiance asked me ahead of her. It's not my decision AT ALL.

I have four DDs and I don’t understand the horrified comment AT ALL. One of our DDs boyfriends, who we know very well and love, recently asked to talk to let us know that he plans to propose to our daughter. He actually told us and sibs. He didn’t ask for permission but said hopes he has our blessing.

He’s going to be a part of our family. We prioritize building and maintaining a close family and I think him talking to us is recognition of that. He knows, as do we, that our DD is extremely independent, and him having this conversation with us in no way minimizes that. I think he just demonstrated that his values are consistent with ours and how much he cares for our DD.

If your lady is conventional, make the call. If she is unconventional, don't. If you don't know what she prefers, make an effort to find out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious! If a man asked my dad for permission to marry me, my dad would say, “You don’t know my daughter at all, do you?” OP, this is DCUM, not the Catholic dating forum. Women here have their own careers and have ambitions other than having a million babies and making meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Wow you sound angry. DH and I were both law partners in our mid-30s and atheist DH still gave my Dad the courtesy of having a talk before he proposed. Lighten up!

The courtesy of treating a woman like a goat or cow? Yikes

Our post-Christian society doesn’t understand that marriage is not just the union of two people, but two families. Part of what’s wrong with our culture is too much emphasis on individualism and self-centeredness.

For us, it wouldn't matter either way, as long as kids are happy, who cares?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, it’s not legal for a GIRL to get married, OP.

Actually, it's legal in some states, but only if they ask the parent's permission.

This^. Minor marriages are allowed in several states.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious! If a man asked my dad for permission to marry me, my dad would say, “You don’t know my daughter at all, do you?” OP, this is DCUM, not the Catholic dating forum. Women here have their own careers and have ambitions other than having a million babies and making meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Wow you sound angry. DH and I were both law partners in our mid-30s and atheist DH still gave my Dad the courtesy of having a talk before he proposed. Lighten up!

What courtesy? And why not your mom too?

Deceased. Otherwise she would have been there too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD's boyfriend called and asked to have dinner with my DH and I this past week when he is in our area in the coming months. He also asked that we not tell our DD about the dinner, so yes, they still ask. He is a very respectful and family oriented in his approach to life so we are not surprised by this, not in the least.

I would be horrified if one of my daughters' potential fiance asked me ahead of her. It's not my decision AT ALL.

That's not the point. He isn't giving you the "decision." Obviously they've already talked about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious! If a man asked my dad for permission to marry me, my dad would say, “You don’t know my daughter at all, do you?” OP, this is DCUM, not the Catholic dating forum. Women here have their own careers and have ambitions other than having a million babies and making meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Wow you sound angry. DH and I were both law partners in our mid-30s and atheist DH still gave my Dad the courtesy of having a talk before he proposed. Lighten up!

What courtesy? And why not your mom too?

Anonymous wrote:It's more like giving advanced notice out of respect and to make sure there won't be negativity.

This. It’s “blessing” not “permission”, unless op you’re actually asking about permission rather than a blessing. It’s just a nice thing to do, set positive vibes going forward.

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious! If a man asked my dad for permission to marry me, my dad would say, “You don’t know my daughter at all, do you?” OP, this is DCUM, not the Catholic dating forum. Women here have their own careers and have ambitions other than having a million babies and making meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Wow you sound angry. DH and I were both law partners in our mid-30s and atheist DH still gave my Dad the courtesy of having a talk before he proposed. Lighten up!