Anonymous wrote:Why are you still dating him if he's making these comments and they invoke a strong adverse reaction? He's not your guy. Just tell him you enjoy dating him ,but marriage isn't in the cards for you as a couple.

This^. You go find someone who offers what you seek and let him find someone who is looking for what he offers.

Why are you still dating him if he's making these comments and they invoke a strong adverse reaction? He's not your guy. Just tell him you enjoy dating him ,but marriage isn't in the cards for you as a couple.

Also at least 50% of the men with SAHMs give them complete autonomy with everything but less than 10% of women with SAHDs can do that, they become resentful bean counters counting how husband spends every minute and penny.

Most of the SAHM tend to do several jobs at once, childbirth, breastfeeding, childcare, grocery shopping, cook, cleaner, driver, tutor, paperwork clerk, event organizer etc etc while most of the SAHD can hardly manage childcare and paperwork clerk, driving, grocery and lawncare which often leads to getting fired through divorce.

My dad was a SAHD starting in the 1980s. My mom wanted to make partner at her firm and simple could not do the work she needed while also caring for her family. My dad quit to support her (and raise me and my two siblings), and she left the house at 6:30 am and returned home at 10:00 pm most days of the week. She eventually did make partner, and she was the first woman at her (major) firm to do so.

He did absolutely everything for our family. I think he felt lonely at times but I think what he did was incredibly supportive and honorable.

Someone who wants to be a SAHP because it sounds easy is totally clueless. But if this man wants to SAH for other reasons, he could be the perfect fit for a woman who needs and wants that support.

Anonymous wrote:DH "retired" early at 60 and is a sahd/house husband. He does some things well, but the cleaning and laundry are much to be desired. I still have to remind him when the laundry needs doing or how the toilet is disgusting and needs to be cleaned.

Sorry, but I don't find a man who wants to be a sahd all that appealing.

How old are you? I don't get how you are equating your situation to OP's situation whatsoever.

I assume you don't have any young kids around the house anymore and nobody wants to keel over at their desk.

Why is the "retired" in quotes...because he was actually fired, or because he decided to call it a day earlier than you thought/hoped?

Anonymous wrote:I know two female lawyers with SAH husbands and they don’t even have kids! That would drive me crazy. Husbands go to gym for 3 hours and play golf 3-4x per week.

This seems fine to me. Much better than a guy who isn’t really ambitious but expects me to manipulate my life (move, find flexible work, never travel for work) around his “career.”
I would love to have the career I want to have without having to make any compromises and still come home to someone who makes me happy.

RUN. HE IS NOT JOKING.

What is your response to him when he says things like that?

Anonymous wrote:IF (admittedly a big IF) , he really is willing to be the primary caregiver and taking care of the household, what's wrong with that? Women seem to enforce the patriarchy just as much as men.

OP is certainly entitled to not wanting a house husband but a lot of the replies are calling hi lazy, telling her to run, etc. What's wrong with a man being a stay at home dad?

I wouldn't trust anyone to be a stay at home wife/husband unless they'd demonstrated work ethic in some way. Is his apartment sparkling clean? Has he shown he can work a job? Does he make nice dinners?

Anonymous wrote:DH "retired" early at 60 and is a sahd/house husband. He does some things well, but the cleaning and laundry are much to be desired. I still have to remind him when the laundry needs doing or how the toilet is disgusting and needs to be cleaned.

Sorry, but I don't find a man who wants to be a sahd all that appealing.

Well, assuming you’re around 60 years of age, the good news is that you don’t have to worry about any men (SAHDs or otherwise) being interested in you.

IF (admittedly a big IF) , he really is willing to be the primary caregiver and taking care of the household, what's wrong with that? Women seem to enforce the patriarchy just as much as men.

OP is certainly entitled to not wanting a house husband but a lot of the replies are calling hi lazy, telling her to run, etc. What's wrong with a man being a stay at home dad?

Red flag

There are some versions of this. My brother is a SAHD but it's in part because they live abroad and as a trailing spouse it's hard to find work or an employer that will sponsor his own work visa. But my brother a) was employed before and b) actually does the house chores and childcare.

I also know people who have husbands who don't work and they also don't clean or do the childcare. My best friend is married to one of these guys and I think she's losing patience fast. He never deliberately said he was staying home he's just been "job hunting" for ages.

I know two female lawyers with SAH husbands and they don’t even have kids! That would drive me crazy. Husbands go to gym for 3 hours and play golf 3-4x per week.

Anonymous wrote:DH "retired" early at 60 and is a sahd/house husband. He does some things well, but the cleaning and laundry are much to be desired. I still have to remind him when the laundry needs doing or how the toilet is disgusting and needs to be cleaned.

Sorry, but I don't find a man who wants to be a sahd all that appealing.

Are you much younger? Because my spouse and I are both targeting 60 for retirement and it seems doable financially.