The advice from my preschool was to tell the child, if they are asking about it, that the decision is yours (the parents) and you will decide what is right for your rising kindergartener and the family. And leave it at that. Not discuss acceptance and rejection.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why everyone says the process is so bad. You go to a couple of adult only admissions events where you basically just listen politely. You take your kid to two events, totally out of your control how they act for the most part. And you get in where you get in. And if you don’t get in, there’s always great publics around and you save a whole bunch of money!

Let’s call it about 5 essay questions for each application. Making time after work or on weekends for virtual info sessions. Scheduling time off work for parent tours, parent interviews, AND child visits. Organizing school recommendations and grades to be sent on time around the busy holiday season. Managing child expectations (and your own tbh) throughout the process. All this across multiple schools (5 for us). Then two different financial aid processes (Clarity is much better imho).

So, yea, it’s a lot. But our children deserve it, so we take it in stride.

All of this was maybe 15 hours of work per school across 3-4 months, with diminishing hours per school due to essay overlaps, etc. You get to choose how many schools you apply to. We’ve never viewed it as “our children deserve it” — it’s simply a nice to have that I’m not even convinced is superior in academic quality nor life lessons. If you aren’t concerned about the results, it shouldn’t be as much pressure. Your kids will be fine.

I didn’t say anything about pressure. I simply noted the time commitment. I went to private then went on to HYP so I only applied to programs where I felt the academic quality was superior to open the door for the same types opportunities I had (does not need to be HYP). That’s what I meant by deserve it. Of course you can pick apart my word choices, and the ones I’m using now, but I stand by it

I see what you’re saying, I think we just fundamentally disagree that the academic quality is proven to be superior. I went to public in this area and went on to HYP, so I don’t see private as necessary or superior at opening doors.

Nice. Now what else can you tell me about the 90s that we should assume is still true today

Bingo

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say, we'll see. And then you distract. And (assuming that's where he will go) you don't bring the school up again until August.

August??? Some schools (like Beauvoir, etc) send acceptance packages around decision time in March. If you’re accepting a school, I don’t see the harm in sharing after a decision is made/deposit paid

If you have a highly anxious kid maybe the less information the better or else they will be exhausting you with questions for many months.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why everyone says the process is so bad. You go to a couple of adult only admissions events where you basically just listen politely. You take your kid to two events, totally out of your control how they act for the most part. And you get in where you get in. And if you don’t get in, there’s always great publics around and you save a whole bunch of money!

Let’s call it about 5 essay questions for each application. Making time after work or on weekends for virtual info sessions. Scheduling time off work for parent tours, parent interviews, AND child visits. Organizing school recommendations and grades to be sent on time around the busy holiday season. Managing child expectations (and your own tbh) throughout the process. All this across multiple schools (5 for us). Then two different financial aid processes (Clarity is much better imho).

So, yea, it’s a lot. But our children deserve it, so we take it in stride.

All of this was maybe 15 hours of work per school across 3-4 months, with diminishing hours per school due to essay overlaps, etc. You get to choose how many schools you apply to. We’ve never viewed it as “our children deserve it” — it’s simply a nice to have that I’m not even convinced is superior in academic quality nor life lessons. If you aren’t concerned about the results, it shouldn’t be as much pressure. Your kids will be fine.

I didn’t say anything about pressure. I simply noted the time commitment. I went to private then went on to HYP so I only applied to programs where I felt the academic quality was superior to open the door for the same types opportunities I had (does not need to be HYP). That’s what I meant by deserve it. Of course you can pick apart my word choices, and the ones I’m using now, but I stand by it

I see what you’re saying, I think we just fundamentally disagree that the academic quality is proven to be superior. I went to public in this area and went on to HYP, so I don’t see private as necessary or superior at opening doors.

Nice. Now what else can you tell me about the 90s that we should assume is still true today

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t have to manage a four year old’s expectations about this at all, because it’s your job to decide how much they know or how they frame the process. They don’t need to have any concept of admissions to go to the playdates.

Exactly. Neither of my children knew the PK/K age visit was anything beyond just playing. My son asked to go back to one school's playground because that's where we'd run into his friend. By then my spouse and I knew he didn't get in (it was my top choice, and the rejection was harder for me than for my son, who was oblivious to the process), and the friend got in but chose elsewhere, so I just said the friend wouldn't be at that playground if we went back. He was completely unbothered about it.

If you must learn your child's preferences before you choose, wait until you're accepted before encouraging them to take a position on what they liked or didn't like about the schools. Prior to decisions, all they should know is it's a playdate at a new place.

Make sure they understand that if they don't get into the right kindergarten, they will never be able to attend Harvard or do anything that matters.

Anonymous wrote:We told our 4 yr old we are helping her find her forever school and asked her questions about why she liked this or that one. We haven't told her about the selective part really, just we'll see what fits our family all around and we'll see. She's okay with that.

I know this is probably a troll but I’m dying over “forever school.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why everyone says the process is so bad. You go to a couple of adult only admissions events where you basically just listen politely. You take your kid to two events, totally out of your control how they act for the most part. And you get in where you get in. And if you don’t get in, there’s always great publics around and you save a whole bunch of money!

Let’s call it about 5 essay questions for each application. Making time after work or on weekends for virtual info sessions. Scheduling time off work for parent tours, parent interviews, AND child visits. Organizing school recommendations and grades to be sent on time around the busy holiday season. Managing child expectations (and your own tbh) throughout the process. All this across multiple schools (5 for us). Then two different financial aid processes (Clarity is much better imho).

So, yea, it’s a lot. But our children deserve it, so we take it in stride.

All of this was maybe 15 hours of work per school across 3-4 months, with diminishing hours per school due to essay overlaps, etc. You get to choose how many schools you apply to. We’ve never viewed it as “our children deserve it” — it’s simply a nice to have that I’m not even convinced is superior in academic quality nor life lessons. If you aren’t concerned about the results, it shouldn’t be as much pressure. Your kids will be fine.

I didn’t say anything about pressure. I simply noted the time commitment. I went to private then went on to HYP so I only applied to programs where I felt the academic quality was superior to open the door for the same types opportunities I had (does not need to be HYP). That’s what I meant by deserve it. Of course you can pick apart my word choices, and the ones I’m using now, but I stand by it

I see what you’re saying, I think we just fundamentally disagree that the academic quality is proven to be superior. I went to public in this area and went on to HYP, so I don’t see private as necessary or superior at opening doors.

We told our 4 yr old we are helping her find her forever school and asked her questions about why she liked this or that one. We haven't told her about the selective part really, just we'll see what fits our family all around and we'll see. She's okay with that.

You shouldn’t have to manage a four year old’s expectations about this at all, because it’s your job to decide how much they know or how they frame the process. They don’t need to have any concept of admissions to go to the playdates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why everyone says the process is so bad. You go to a couple of adult only admissions events where you basically just listen politely. You take your kid to two events, totally out of your control how they act for the most part. And you get in where you get in. And if you don’t get in, there’s always great publics around and you save a whole bunch of money!

Let’s call it about 5 essay questions for each application. Making time after work or on weekends for virtual info sessions. Scheduling time off work for parent tours, parent interviews, AND child visits. Organizing school recommendations and grades to be sent on time around the busy holiday season. Managing child expectations (and your own tbh) throughout the process. All this across multiple schools (5 for us). Then two different financial aid processes (Clarity is much better imho).

So, yea, it’s a lot. But our children deserve it, so we take it in stride.

All of this was maybe 15 hours of work per school across 3-4 months, with diminishing hours per school due to essay overlaps, etc. You get to choose how many schools you apply to. We’ve never viewed it as “our children deserve it” — it’s simply a nice to have that I’m not even convinced is superior in academic quality nor life lessons. If you aren’t concerned about the results, it shouldn’t be as much pressure. Your kids will be fine.

I didn’t say anything about pressure. I simply noted the time commitment. I went to private then went on to HYP so I only applied to programs where I felt the academic quality was superior to open the door for the same types opportunities I had (does not need to be HYP). That’s what I meant by deserve it. Of course you can pick apart my word choices, and the ones I’m using now, but I stand by it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why everyone says the process is so bad. You go to a couple of adult only admissions events where you basically just listen politely. You take your kid to two events, totally out of your control how they act for the most part. And you get in where you get in. And if you don’t get in, there’s always great publics around and you save a whole bunch of money!

Let’s call it about 5 essay questions for each application. Making time after work or on weekends for virtual info sessions. Scheduling time off work for parent tours, parent interviews, AND child visits. Organizing school recommendations and grades to be sent on time around the busy holiday season. Managing child expectations (and your own tbh) throughout the process. All this across multiple schools (5 for us). Then two different financial aid processes (Clarity is much better imho).

So, yea, it’s a lot. But our children deserve it, so we take it in stride.

All of this was maybe 15 hours of work per school across 3-4 months, with diminishing hours per school due to essay overlaps, etc. You get to choose how many schools you apply to. We’ve never viewed it as “our children deserve it” — it’s simply a nice to have that I’m not even convinced is superior in academic quality nor life lessons. If you aren’t concerned about the results, it shouldn’t be as much pressure. Your kids will be fine.

Don’t involve your kid in this so much. I basically told my kid that we were considering schools vs schools considering him, in an age appropriate way of course. I don’t recall what exact words I used, but it was all ok.

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why everyone says the process is so bad. You go to a couple of adult only admissions events where you basically just listen politely. You take your kid to two events, totally out of your control how they act for the most part. And you get in where you get in. And if you don’t get in, there’s always great publics around and you save a whole bunch of money!

Let’s call it about 5 essay questions for each application. Making time after work or on weekends for virtual info sessions. Scheduling time off work for parent tours, parent interviews, AND child visits. Organizing school recommendations and grades to be sent on time around the busy holiday season. Managing child expectations (and your own tbh) throughout the process. All this across multiple schools (5 for us). Then two different financial aid processes (Clarity is much better imho).

So, yea, it’s a lot. But our children deserve it, so we take it in stride.

No advice but sympathy. Having trouble with my four-year old too who seems to have made her mind up. I think every kid is different and picks up on things differently.