Anonymous wrote:I would do nothing and tell her to call me either when it’s better or when she wants to see a doctor. I’m not into playing games with a competent adult who simply refuses to cooperate.

Not OP, but this sounds very reasonable. It sets a healthy boundary.

How did you find out that your mother fell? Did she tell you or your father?

I would do nothing and tell her to call me either when it’s better or when she wants to see a doctor. I’m not into playing games with a competent adult who simply refuses to cooperate.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to waste resources but can you call an ambulance to come take her? Since she’s older they will probably take her to the hospital and not give her a choice. That’s what my cousin did with my great uncle who fell and broke his hip but refused to get care for several days.

Paramedics will not kidnap a lucid adult against her will.

Anonymous wrote:I hate going to the doctor as mine is useless and doesn't take concerns seriously even when my testing is showing serious concerns for several years. I keep trying to switch but always end up back with her.

Invite her out to eat, pick her up, drive her to urgent care or the ER. Don't tell her you are taking her there. Could it be a money issue?

Just a note of caution. If she has anxiety and control issues, taking her to the doctor without warning could set off some pretty troublesome behavior. Also, she still has a right to refuse care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume your dad goes along to get along/survive? I had to eventually hire a geriatric case worker. I stay out of it and just call her. Mom behaved better for her and she is trained to work with these sorts of things.

Mom is still mom-stubborn, difficult and anxious, but this woman can convince her to much needed tests and yes, even an Xray when mom broke her arm. She also has contacts to have doctors come to mom when needed. Aides come to help her fix meals and bathe. It takes out all the dysfunctional dynamics of treating me like a disobedient child while she acts like a hostile teen and wants me to parent her, but she also wants me to be subservient and be a pacifier to all her anxieties. Most importantly, I can make sure she is getting decent care.

I don't think I've ever seen this dynamic described so accurately as you have here. My mother is also in her hostile teen era and I'm absolutely at my wits end. Somehow your description is helping me understand things a little better.

I am so glad you found this helpful. I went through an emotionally exhausting ordeal with my mother over many years and I remember trying to figure out what would please her and what she needed from me. As I wrote down everything I learned from my interactions I realized she has always been impossible to please and slightly irrational and unrealistic, but with age her desires were just ridiculous and her behavior was deteriorating rapidly. I was enabling her by even trying to please her with all the demands and mood swings. Detaching and letting trained experts manage her, pushed her to exercise her social skills more which is good for the brain. She also started showing more independence.The case worker can navigate the system much better than I can and she ensures better care than I could. The dramatics are pointless and draining. Sometimes it takes a paid, trained professional stranger to cut through all that.

I hate going to the doctor as mine is useless and doesn't take concerns seriously even when my testing is showing serious concerns for several years. I keep trying to switch but always end up back with her.

Invite her out to eat, pick her up, drive her to urgent care or the ER. Don't tell her you are taking her there. Could it be a money issue?

Anonymous wrote:I would say "oof Mom you should go get that x-rayed" ONE TIME. Why are you so involved? My parents are incredibly self sufficient. If they don't want medical care, OKAY. Stop giving her so much attention for acting like a toddler.

Unless you suspect she has dementia I would not involve myself at all. "Sorry your foot still hurts mom" and move on with the conversation.

Not all of us have self sufficient parents and when we ignore the problem just comes back 100xs worse

Any chance you have a friend who is a doctor or a nurse? They might be able to convince her. I am sorry your mom is acting this way, it’s an X-ray not a cancer diagnosis.