Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 09:25     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Maybe his course load doesn't need to be so high. Can he dial it back? There's lots of ways to go through life and "hardest possible course load" doesn't always need to be it.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 09:24     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS is a junior in HS taking a tough load this year. He is saying he doesn’t want to go to college, it’s not worth it, etc. Says he can make $ trading stocks, going into a trade, or some other way. I fear this is a combo on burnout and TikTok influence. I would be fine with him going into a trade but he has never shown the slightest interest in any of them. Daytrading doesn’t seem like a sustainable strategy. Thoughts? Similar experiences? Clearly, a summer job is in order so he gets what it is to work.


Your DS is right. Unfortunately, upwardly mobile parents can’t stand to not have their kids go to college, even if it’s not in their kid’s best interests.


So are you saying your kids aren't going to college?
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 09:23     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Tell him not going to college is even harder than going to college, and that you'll need to see incredible drive and motivation from him in order to allow that to happen. You want to see a business plan for the next 10 years, with financial estimates on how he's planning to support himself and what sector of activity he's going to work/invest in, with what incremental goals for what incremental timeframes.

That should shut him up.


I know you think you're being cute, but I took time off before I went to college and proactively created a plan for my life, printed out a copy, left it for my mom to read on the counter. There are many reasons kids don't want to go to college right away. It's mature of them to admit it, talk about it, and be willing to explore options. We're not all idiots. Life is long and thank god we're not locked into anything at 17 years old.

OP - have an open mind, don't treat him like a moron. And he absolutely needs to get a job. All high school kids should work before graduating. Sports/ECs just don't teach the same lessons.


It's OP's kid who is being cute. What you did is quite different than what he is saying. He put trades in the sane category as daytrading, and he put daytrading first. That is not someone who is serious about entering the trades.

Maybe someone who is a little burnt out with his current life. We'll time to figure out what this things coming out of his mouth really entail. My guess is that OP's kid has no idea, unlike you.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 09:20     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:Cut him off as soon as he graduates from HS. Give him 3-6 months to move out on his own and get a job. Let him experience what life is like for those without a college degree. Yes, I know some trades make money, but being uneducated really limits ones options in life and is unrefined.


Spoken like someone who has no idea the level of education needed by someone to be a master electrician. Or who doesn't know anyone who is an electrician or a plumber. Just because they are in a trade doesn't make them unrefined, grow up.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 09:15     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Cut him off as soon as he graduates from HS. Give him 3-6 months to move out on his own and get a job. Let him experience what life is like for those without a college degree. Yes, I know some trades make money, but being uneducated really limits ones options in life and is unrefined.


How narrow minded of you!! Being trained in a trade IS being educated, you snob!! UNREFINED? Jesus. Trades are more in demand than another white collar do nothing middle manager, mediocre white man. Is it unrefined when a hero shows up to fix your heat in these single digit temps? Is it refined when you can't fix your own toilet clog?


DP. I think there's a difference. Training for a trade is just that - training.
Having to take irrelevant or seemingly unnecessary or useless required classes and electives is an education. You don't necessarily have to go to college to be an "educated" person. My grandfather only went through the 8th grade, but he was well-read with broad general knowledge. I consider that "educated." Being a master in a narrow subject, imo, is well-trained and an expert in that subject; but not necessarily "well educated." My son doesn't see the purpose of college - says he can learn on his own reading on the internet. He doesn't understand the importance of a degree on the resume.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 09:05     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would require him to apply to college, but then defer and spend a year doing what he thinks he wants to do. Then he can see if it's as good as he thinks it will be.

Sounds advice!


Agree with this. Really smart guidance.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 06:58     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:Cut him off as soon as he graduates from HS. Give him 3-6 months to move out on his own and get a job. Let him experience what life is like for those without a college degree. Yes, I know some trades make money, but being uneducated really limits ones options in life and is unrefined.


How narrow minded of you!! Being trained in a trade IS being educated, you snob!! UNREFINED? Jesus. Trades are more in demand than another white collar do nothing middle manager, mediocre white man. Is it unrefined when a hero shows up to fix your heat in these single digit temps? Is it refined when you can't fix your own toilet clog?
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 06:55     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:Tell him not going to college is even harder than going to college, and that you'll need to see incredible drive and motivation from him in order to allow that to happen. You want to see a business plan for the next 10 years, with financial estimates on how he's planning to support himself and what sector of activity he's going to work/invest in, with what incremental goals for what incremental timeframes.

That should shut him up.


I know you think you're being cute, but I took time off before I went to college and proactively created a plan for my life, printed out a copy, left it for my mom to read on the counter. There are many reasons kids don't want to go to college right away. It's mature of them to admit it, talk about it, and be willing to explore options. We're not all idiots. Life is long and thank god we're not locked into anything at 17 years old.

OP - have an open mind, don't treat him like a moron. And he absolutely needs to get a job. All high school kids should work before graduating. Sports/ECs just don't teach the same lessons.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 06:10     Subject: Re:DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Its great that he's a junior and saying this, so he has time to plan.
He definitely does not need to go to college right out of high school, nor do you need to support him financially once he graduates high school.
Let him know that you support his decision and that if he wants to go to trade school or CC you can offer to pay tuition or let him live at home while he gets his training. If he wants to go straight to work, explain that once he graduates HS he will need to find a place to live and a job. Period.
He can always go to college later. There is no law that says you need to go immediately after high school.

I am wondering how many people on this forum did not go to college or have have family members who did not. In my family, 3 of us did not go to college at all or go at the traditional time and we all turned out just fine.

Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 05:45     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:Going into a trade: okay reason to skip college (although I’d impress on your child that not having a degree will close some doors, especially if he wants to progress to management in a trade or if he decides he doesn’t want to work in a trade anymore).

Day trading, bitcoin, etc: not an acceptable reason to skip college.


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 05:32     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
I am going to guess your kid’s career plans aren’t well thought out. My reaction would be to ask,”What’s the plan?” Remind him that THE PLAN will not include a lengthy free housing and food (give a deadline) courtesy of mom and dad. My bet is that your kid will change his mind.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2025 00:00     Subject: Re:DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:Time for him to support himself and see what he prefers.

Plumbers and electricians make quite a bit as do general contractors.



I told my straight A student he can be a plumber if he wants but in my state it takes 5 years to train through the union. You do get paid while you work.

I bought him a household plumbing guide for Christmas. It's sitting on his dresser.

I'm open to it. We'll see what happens. He's got one grandpa who was a physics PhD from an Ivy and the other only had a h.s. degree and was a blue collar worker.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2025 23:59     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Going into a trade: okay reason to skip college (although I’d impress on your child that not having a degree will close some doors, especially if he wants to progress to management in a trade or if he decides he doesn’t want to work in a trade anymore).

Day trading, bitcoin, etc: not an acceptable reason to skip college.


+1

Friend's son knew from the time he hit high school that he wanted to be a mechanic for high-end cars. He and his family found a training program (and it was selective! Not anyone could just walk into this program) run by one of the highest-end car brands. He spent, I think, 18 months or two years JUST studying and getting hands-on experience through this full-time program. He can make great money now and loves what he does, but yes, he had to work very hard to get there in his trade.

Is your son that passionate about and focused on a trade, OP? If he's a junior right now, and he really means it re: a trade, well, he needs to start thinking about it now. Not after he finishes high school.

OP, unless your son is very serious about a trade, and is willing and able to do whatever training a trade takes, he's going to find that he's stuck in the lowest level jobs. I suspect he has no idea that trades require schooling too, sometimes quite a lot of it. And PP is right that for advancement, he may find that he can't get beyond a certain job level (and pay level) without a collee degree.

Agree with some above, who say that if he hasn't worked a basic service or labor type of job, he needs to do that. He may find out fast that he'd rather go to college.


If my kid wanted to go into a trade (mine didn't---no interest in doing that), I'd encourage them to get an AA degree first , probably in Business. Then go into the trade, that way you have the beginning tools to own your own company later. But I'd make sure they understand that trades are great, but by age 45/50, many are back breaking and hard to do 10 hours a day. So what do they plan to do then or if they get injuries that prevent them from working? It's a realistic probability, so you need to have a plan, as most plumbers and electricians simply cannot afford to stop working at age 50. But you could move into owning the business
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2025 23:54     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS is a junior in HS taking a tough load this year. He is saying he doesn’t want to go to college, it’s not worth it, etc. Says he can make $ trading stocks, going into a trade, or some other way. I fear this is a combo on burnout and TikTok influence. I would be fine with him going into a trade but he has never shown the slightest interest in any of them. Daytrading doesn’t seem like a sustainable strategy. Thoughts? Similar experiences? Clearly, a summer job is in order so he gets what it is to work.


Has he made any money trading stocks? if your family has money, I really don't see the point of going to college.


We "have money" but our kids are not getting it randomly. They still need to forge a career path in life.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2025 23:53     Subject: DS says he doesn’t want to go to college
Anonymous wrote:A year in an entry level job in a trade would be a great experience before either continuing or deciding to go to college. I always planned to go to college but after spending the summer after HS graduation working in a warehouse I was especially motivated.


Exactly! I worked the summer before college for Sat/Sun in a fast food joint (along with a full time job during the week). IMO every kid should be required to do so for 3-4 months. Not that I needed motivation (I was attending a T10 university as a double major), but man, you quickly realize how mind numbing it is and that the workforce is filled with idiots (or at least 2/3 of them). let's see, I worked with one person who was going to start their 3rd time in Junior year in HS that fall (30+ years ago---HS is not that difficult). I worked with people who had worked there for 2+ years and yet had never been allowed to run the cash register and take orders (this was back when people actually used cash, and you had to make change--and balance the register with the payments at end of shift---they were not allowed because manager didn't trust them to not loose money with all of that) . So yes, working a lower level job that doesn't require even a HS degree is motivation for a kid to find a path---be it college or a trade.