Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a 24 year old wanted to get engaged to her 24 year old steady boyfriend, DCUM would've tripped even if both were well employed.

However, relationship with a decade+ older senior colleague seems acceptable to them. That's kind of surprising!

21/22, DCUM probably not approve. But 24 and well-employed would be on the edges of fine.

But it’s not a relationship, it’s just a crush! Harmless fun!

I think people are also recognizing the horrific state of the dating market. Meeting someone in person , instead of online, automatically gives bonus points.

I'm 48 and have crushes on people of all ages (generally not much over 55, because sag, but since I was in my teens, I've had crushes on guys of all ages. It doesn't mean I want things to develop or go anywhere. It's just fun to look and flirt sometimes.

The fact that it is a coworker is worse than the age gap IMO

By the Rule of Half Plus Seven it's probably ok but it depends on exactly when they will turn 36/26. 😂

Anonymous wrote:
My 24 year old daughter has a crush on a 35 year old at her work.

Is this normal? She has had 1 boyfriend years ago but they were the same age.

She’s an adult but I’m worried why she is so open about this?
How would you fix this?

Yes, it's normal.

You do not "fix" it. You stay out of your adult child's love life.

As other have said there is nothing you can really do at this point. Your parenting lessons are basically fully baked in at this point but honestly the fact you are worried makes it seem like think you think DD may be a little naive and/or still lacks some maturity/judgment.

They probably had different formative experiences during childhoods which is neat. DD didn’t really experience things like 9/11, had her formative middle school and high school years during the Obama years marked by outrage over tan suits and was probably already surrounded by social media and smart phones. The guy was in middle school before cell phones and the fast internet were ubiquitous and high school before smart phones. Nothing earth shattering. the same is true if they were to fall for someone from another country even if they were the same age so eh. Parents just got to get to decades of worrying about things they can’t control I guess

Fine til They try and have kids that sperm won’t work as well

So she has a crush on him? That’s totally different than them actually dating. Which would be a bit weird, but they’re both adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a 24 year old wanted to get engaged to her 24 year old steady boyfriend, DCUM would've tripped even if both were well employed.

However, relationship with a decade+ older senior colleague seems acceptable to them. That's kind of surprising!

I got married at 25 (we were both employed, post grad school). I have no issue with the age difference here. Plus this is a crush, not a relationship! Are we policing thoughts now?

+1. Are you really overseeing your adult DD’s crushes now? God help us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this a problem? Do you envision her to be a teenager and he is an adult? I mean, 35 year olds are still in an extended adolescence too in this generation- with exceptions of course, but it looks like adulting doesn't even start till 40s now.

But assuming they are both fairly mature- where is ths problem?

I just have always thought an agegap of 1 decade is a bit too much /OP

It’s fine if that’s too much for you, but your adult daughter is apparently fine with it.

My husband and I are 12 years apart, as are my parents. Simmer down. It's fine.

It’s a crush and be thankful your adult daughter feels safe to talk about it with you. Don’t stomp all over it if you want to her to continue talking with you.

You don’t even know if it’s reciprocated.

I’d only say something if he’s married or in a committed relationship, otherwise it’s really none of your business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as he’s not married, what’s the problem?

Different life stages makes it inappropriate right? /OP

If he's not married and has no kids, they are at the same life stage - working adults, never married, no kids.... what's the problem?

Would it be different if this 35 year old was the one with the crush on 26 year old?

What can you really do even if your 21+ kid is dating or marrying someone who doesn't seem right for them to you? A parent of an adult child has no say in it. Its likely to offend them and if their partner finds out, offend them even more. Is there a way to express your concern, unless there is an obvious reason like abuse, failure to launch, crime etc?

Totally depends on the people and their personalities. I’m picturing my DD who is that age (mature, focused, and serious yet still chronologically young) and a two young men I know well who are that target age. If she were interested in one, I would encourage her to step back a bit and look at the relationship in terms of where they are in life right now. Very different. The other one I would run her to the altar this weekend because they’d be excellent complements to each other even with the age gap.