Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell my friend "yeah this is becoming too unwieldy with all these extra people and their schedules, so I'm going to pass, but my offer to treat YOU to a spa weekend at the Four Seasons (or whatever it i) still stands if you'd like to do that instead or in addition to."

If I bail, the trip would be cancelled.

I wish we could have had all the detailed ironed out before she started inviting others. My friend is a few years older than me so many of her friends are turning 50 this year so naturally they want to celebrate together.

It just happens to be that the date of the trip is closer to my actual birthday so this would be my birthday trip too. That’s why DH is fine with my going all out. Now I can’t even go all out.

I don't understand why the trip would necessarily be canceled if you bailed? Why can't your friend and her friends still plan whatever trip they want? And if it did get canceled, so what? You can renew your offer to treat your friend to a one-on-one luxury weekend or do the luxury weekend with your DH instead.

You obviously aren't going to enjoy traveling with a large group of women you don't even know (no snark, I wouldn't either) so bail and move on.

I have 3 kids. I can’t just go on a large international trip solo anytime. I want to go on this trip. Think far place like Australia or South Africa, once in a lifetime trip. We are going to a place that many people have never been to but always wanted to go.

My friend is not a luxury spa type person. We actually considered going to Mexico or the Caribbean but I told her we can do that anytime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel for OP. A lot of ppl have a visceral reaction to the 2000/nite hotel room snob, but in all fairness at 50 it's not totally outlandish.

This trip is spiraling out of OP's control. Heck even the birthday gal is losing steam. I think the best thing to do is for the birthday girl is set dates that work best for her and go from there. Decision by committee is a very long and miserable process. Someone has to take the lead and in this case it has to be the birthday girl.

The problem is that these other people are also turning 50 so it is also their birthday, not just my friend. Ugh. What a mess.

So let them go on their 50th birthday trip and you treat your friend to a different trip.

This BUT ALSO

why can't you just talk to your friend about how you feel?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel for OP. A lot of ppl have a visceral reaction to the 2000/nite hotel room snob, but in all fairness at 50 it's not totally outlandish.

This trip is spiraling out of OP's control. Heck even the birthday gal is losing steam. I think the best thing to do is for the birthday girl is set dates that work best for her and go from there. Decision by committee is a very long and miserable process. Someone has to take the lead and in this case it has to be the birthday girl.

The problem is that these other people are also turning 50 so it is also their birthday, not just my friend. Ugh. What a mess.

So let them go on their 50th birthday trip and you treat your friend to a different trip.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

She does want to go on the trip.

We talked about a trip with the kids. We talked about domestic and international trips. I asked her what SHE wanted to do for her own birthday and she chose this trip, the same trip we talked about before she was divorced. I think she is losing steam with all the different people. I’m not leading so she may be thinking about costs.

And while it isn’t MY milestone birthday, the trip falls closer to my birthday than hers.

Ok AND......

Good Lord you don't come across very good in your posts OP

Someone said it was her birthday, not mine. I was just saying that the trip is closer to my birthday than hers. If it matters, it was planned to celebrate our birthdays together.

You’re changing the facts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell my friend "yeah this is becoming too unwieldy with all these extra people and their schedules, so I'm going to pass, but my offer to treat YOU to a spa weekend at the Four Seasons (or whatever it i) still stands if you'd like to do that instead or in addition to."

If I bail, the trip would be cancelled.

I wish we could have had all the detailed ironed out before she started inviting others. My friend is a few years older than me so many of her friends are turning 50 this year so naturally they want to celebrate together.

It just happens to be that the date of the trip is closer to my actual birthday so this would be my birthday trip too. That’s why DH is fine with my going all out. Now I can’t even go all out.

I don't understand why the trip would necessarily be canceled if you bailed? Why can't your friend and her friends still plan whatever trip they want? And if it did get canceled, so what? You can renew your offer to treat your friend to a one-on-one luxury weekend or do the luxury weekend with your DH instead.

You obviously aren't going to enjoy traveling with a large group of women you don't even know (no snark, I wouldn't either) so bail and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell my friend "yeah this is becoming too unwieldy with all these extra people and their schedules, so I'm going to pass, but my offer to treat YOU to a spa weekend at the Four Seasons (or whatever it i) still stands if you'd like to do that instead or in addition to."

If I bail, the trip would be cancelled.

I wish we could have had all the detailed ironed out before she started inviting others. My friend is a few years older than me so many of her friends are turning 50 this year so naturally they want to celebrate together.

It just happens to be that the date of the trip is closer to my actual birthday so this would be my birthday trip too. That’s why DH is fine with my going all out. Now I can’t even go all out.

Tell your friend to woman up and set the dates and make some hard decisions. She opened this can of worms. You should tell her your concerns and be open with her. Otherwise, either the trip doesn't happen due to sheer inertia/indecision, or it comes together haphazardly and nobody is happy with the result.

Anonymous wrote:I feel for OP. A lot of ppl have a visceral reaction to the 2000/nite hotel room snob, but in all fairness at 50 it's not totally outlandish.

This trip is spiraling out of OP's control. Heck even the birthday gal is losing steam. I think the best thing to do is for the birthday girl is set dates that work best for her and go from there. Decision by committee is a very long and miserable process. Someone has to take the lead and in this case it has to be the birthday girl.

The problem is that these other people are also turning 50 so it is also their birthday, not just my friend. Ugh. What a mess.

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell my friend "yeah this is becoming too unwieldy with all these extra people and their schedules, so I'm going to pass, but my offer to treat YOU to a spa weekend at the Four Seasons (or whatever it i) still stands if you'd like to do that instead or in addition to."

I'm inclined toward this. If this trip has been talked about for 2 years and was intended to celebrate both your birthdays, then I think it's rather rude that your friend invited other ppl that you don't know. Lesson learned. Always speak your mind when others ask if they can invite more ppl. When it comes to planning an international trip, it's not always the more the merrier. In fact, quite the opposite.

This is why I don't travel is friends.

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell my friend "yeah this is becoming too unwieldy with all these extra people and their schedules, so I'm going to pass, but my offer to treat YOU to a spa weekend at the Four Seasons (or whatever it i) still stands if you'd like to do that instead or in addition to."

If I bail, the trip would be cancelled.

I wish we could have had all the detailed ironed out before she started inviting others. My friend is a few years older than me so many of her friends are turning 50 this year so naturally they want to celebrate together.

It just happens to be that the date of the trip is closer to my actual birthday so this would be my birthday trip too. That’s why DH is fine with my going all out. Now I can’t even go all out.

I feel for OP. A lot of ppl have a visceral reaction to the 2000/nite hotel room snob, but in all fairness at 50 it's not totally outlandish.

This trip is spiraling out of OP's control. Heck even the birthday gal is losing steam. I think the best thing to do is for the birthday girl is set dates that work best for her and go from there. Decision by committee is a very long and miserable process. Someone has to take the lead and in this case it has to be the birthday girl.

I would just tell my friend "yeah this is becoming too unwieldy with all these extra people and their schedules, so I'm going to pass, but my offer to treat YOU to a spa weekend at the Four Seasons (or whatever it i) still stands if you'd like to do that instead or in addition to."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

She does want to go on the trip.

We talked about a trip with the kids. We talked about domestic and international trips. I asked her what SHE wanted to do for her own birthday and she chose this trip, the same trip we talked about before she was divorced. I think she is losing steam with all the different people. I’m not leading so she may be thinking about costs.

And while it isn’t MY milestone birthday, the trip falls closer to my birthday than hers.

Ok AND......

Good Lord you don't come across very good in your posts OP

Someone said it was her birthday, not mine. I was just saying that the trip is closer to my birthday than hers. If it matters, it was planned to celebrate our birthdays together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My friend went on a recent birthday milestone trip for a friend where she invited people from various times of her life on a trip. My friend said she had to room with 3 other people, only 1 she knew 20 years ago. She said bill splitting for a large group was horrible.

So then bail. You seem incredibly difficult. It's not your birthday. It is not your place to tell your friend she can't invite other friends to her birthday get away. You can tell your friend you want to plan another trip just the two of you instead. You can tell her you'll join but you're going to get your own room. You can suck it up. I'm not sure what you're looking for here. Do you want us to tell you it's ok to tell the birthday girl she can't invite these other friends?

The friend who went on the milestone birthday was for a 40th and not the birthday friend that my post is based on.

I’m not difficult. I just like to stay at nice hotels. This is an exotic country so accommodations matter. It isn’t like we are going to Florida and I want to stay at the four seasons or st Regis while the others would prefer Hilton garden inn. Although that would also bother me.

I once went to a girls trip to Florida and a friend’s friend insisted on this hotel that was cheaper. I remember I didn’t want to go against this woman I have never met. I was familiar with the city because I had been many times. These were newer friends and went with the flow. Our hotel didn’t even have a pool. There were ants. AC didn’t work. It was just a crappy old hotel.

If this trip is a go, I will just make sure the hotel meets normal American standards like a Hilton or Marriott. I won’t insist on ultra luxury like I was planning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

She does want to go on the trip.

We talked about a trip with the kids. We talked about domestic and international trips. I asked her what SHE wanted to do for her own birthday and she chose this trip, the same trip we talked about before she was divorced. I think she is losing steam with all the different people. I’m not leading so she may be thinking about costs.

And while it isn’t MY milestone birthday, the trip falls closer to my birthday than hers.

Ok AND......

Good Lord you don't come across very good in your posts OP