Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 08:10     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
They do shed
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 08:09     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
Cat mom here. We have a cat and a golden retriever. I agree the cat is low maintenance, but they do she and scratch furniture. Ours has ruined a leather couch, but i still love her. You either can overlook they, or you can’t. OP sounds pretty rigid.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:58     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?


Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?


OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.


But you did commit to it before marrying him. Once you got what you wanted, you bailed. You’re selfish.


+1000

This is different than saying you would agree to get a cat and then saying you're rethinking it. (That's still a jerk move, by the way). But he already has a cat! This is so much worse.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:56     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
Anonymous wrote:OP here- to all saying divorce and that my DH would divorce me, you all are being ridiculous and overreacting. We love each other very much and my DH would never divorce me over a cat. He loves his cat but he loves me more.


Ha, good luck with that. You're a total jerk for agreeing to the cat and then changing your mind. He's had the cat for longer than you. Even if he does agree he'll resent you forever. So have fun with that.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:56     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
Anonymous wrote:You should divorce him so he can be with his cat

If I were your husband, I d divorce you now. You ve just made a detrimental lie. I can’t trust you anymore.


He could get an annulment for false pretenses.

I hate cats and even I think OP is a total AH.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:54     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?


Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?


OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.


Because a cat isn’t like a possession. It’s a living creature with physical and emotional needs, and the discussion of its future was made during your engagement. Just like a relationship can end if you change your mind about whether you want kids, this can end it as well. You are in the wrong completely.


OP- So what is the solution? Should I sacrifice my comfort and just agree to the cat?


Well, you should have told him up front that you wouldn't be ok with the cat and let him dump you then.

At this point, yes, you sacrifice your comfort and just agree to the cat you idiot.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:53     Subject: Re:Changed my mind about wanting a pet
I'm deathly allergic to cats but even I would take one in in your case. You absolutely cannot go back on your word with this. Also, cats are ridiculously easy to take care of.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:44     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
The fact that you think going to play with his cat at his parents’ house is a *compromise* speaks volumes. A compromise means you’re giving something too. You’re “letting” him visit his own cat?! WTF!
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:41     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
My goodness. What CAN you handle?
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:40     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
You’d be gone if you did that to me
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:39     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
Love me love my pet.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:37     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
“a pet” and “his cat, which I previously agreed to have” are not the same thing
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:35     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
Anonymous wrote:I would divorce you. Honestly.


I do think this is a troll but playing it out, it's not about the cat as much as it is about lying and then completely overriding thr spouse's wishes without even the slightest consideration.

You pull the exit once you realize a partner will do that because your life will be absolutely miserable with that person.

Someone who shows so little care about you and is willing to lie is not a good person to build a life with.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:33     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
Anonymous wrote:If there was no existing cat, it would be fine for you to say that you didn't want one. But there is an existing cat -- a living being to whom your DH is committed and that you knew about before marriage. The cat needs to be allowed to come home.


+1 this is not a hypothetical cat, or a general discussion about not wanting a cat. This is your husband’s pet!
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2025 07:28     Subject: Changed my mind about wanting a pet
I would divorce you. Honestly.