Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 15:31     Subject: Re:Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't need to tell her. You may want to keep some of the statements - unless you have online access. You do need to honor the will. But I assume these accounts will be settled outside the will since you are either on it or are the designated beneficiary. I also assume the will doesn't specifically list these accounts as going to her or you both together.


Correct. They are separate. He put as both as beneficiaries on the other non-probabte accounts but did not include her on the accounts I'm referencing. Part of me feels like challenging the audacity if questioned, when she put in writting to remove her and treated my dad poorly, but the other part of me wants to keep the peace. I'm over beng the rational one and feel she should feel the full spectrum of embarassment/guilt for having her hands out.

Do not tell her about the accounts to which she is not entitled. Remove that paperwork to a safe spot and keep the records for seven years in case of audit.

Do not make any attempt to withhold her inheritance. I understand your feelings, but you would be committing a crime. Just grey rock her and do what you are supposed to do. There is no thing where you can go to court and petition based on her prior request. She would have to disclaim the inheritance now. And she’s not. Don’t let your sister’s bad behavior drag you in.


I agree with all this except that I don’t see how OP would be committing any crime.

People who are saying she is stealing clearly don’t understand that accounts with beneficiaries are handled outside of wills and go directly to the beneficiary. The assets in the will would be handled separately.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 15:27     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Anonymous wrote:Long story short, my sister (she 45/me 42) is emotionally stunted, lacks emotional regulation, and lashed out/blamed our dad for our brother's substance abuse-related death a few years ago. She verbally attacked our dad, said many hurtful things, asked to be removed from the will, and distanced herself from both of us. My dad was deeply hurt but left her in the will. My brother's death was not my dad's fault, but I am convinced the grief expedited my dad's death (our mother passed when we were teens). I remained close to my dad until his death and was deeply hurt by his passing. I mostly ignored my sister's reaction since I had long suspected hints of mental illness with her; her life has been one mess and mistake after another. Before he passed, he placed me as a joint account holder and beneficiary on several accounts.

I have refrained from telling my sister about the separate accounts because of her irrational nature and short memory; she already has her hands out concerning his estate and said little when I reminded her of her removal request. The joint bank statements are all over his house. I am considering shredding them since they provide substantially more to me and don't concern her. Should I shred them and never mention the extra I received to prevent arguments about unfair treatment, or let the chips fall as they may if she sees them?

Don't hide, but don't offer her the information either. Don't spend on it unless to pay your dad's final arrangements. She can find out after you secure a lawyer. She sounds a little like a jerk, but not knowing her side either but I have someone like this in my family, it on the surface sounds the same. Blames the parent, entitled, unforgiving, yet also a complete mess and comes around for a money handout and to lash out to deflect.

Don't know what the will leaves to either, I didn't see if you mentioned it in another reply to on here? Are you the executor? Get a probate lawyer, didn't see if you got one already.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 15:06     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My brother is undiagnosed bipolar and very bad with money. My dad basically left everything to us 50-50 as beneficiaries, but it’s unspoken that I have to be my brothers keeper in a financial sense. He doesn’t work and lives off inheritance. He’s always trying to pull money out of joint accounts for day trading, crypto, fishy investments, money for relatives etc. things can get really complicated, but I’m grateful my dad had the foresight to put all his accounts in Merrill and hire an adviser who knows my family’s (my brothers) situation… they have been very helpful in working with us.


If it's not in a trust, I don't see how this is legal. It's his money to do with what he wants if it's not in a trust.


This.

Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 15:04     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OK, so you are stealing money from her? I can see why she'd get upset. She is in the will, you need to honor that.


That’s not how it works with joint accounts or with beneficiary designations.

If your dad has you as sole beneficiary, only you get that money, OP.

If you are joint on a bank account, the money is already yours. I’m not 100% sure if she is entitled to any of it or not.

My sister is also mentally unstable. I do what I need to protect myself and my mental health. She will say or do anything, including lying.

Pretty sure mine has borderline personality disorder.

My sister will have her hand out too to get whatever she can.





No. There are joint accounts and there are joint accounts with rights to survivorship. OP needs to figure out which one.

If you are legally entitled to the money, just don't tell her. Don't destroy the focus (wtf?) but put them somewhere safe in your house.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 14:56     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, but if your dad did not explicitly say that you were the only beneficiary of that account, she is entitled to it.


When you add a beneficiary to a financial account you are explicitly saying who gets the account. No one else is entitled to it. If he wanted it to be split, he would have added them both as beneficiaries to split it in whatever percentage he said.


Probably gave conflicting information and OP stopped responding.
His wishes might be divided equally at the same time putting one child on the account for practical reasons.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 12:54     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
There are a lot of reading comprehension concerns out here. Unless I’m missing something, op didn’t say she wouldn’t abide by the will. She asked about the separate bank account that isn’t part of the will. At least that’s how I’m reading it.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 12:47     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Honor the will and hide the non-will information from her. She doesn’t need to know so why tell her and invite trouble? Your father found an elegant solution. And I’m sorry for your loss and for your difficult sister.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 12:19     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Anonymous wrote:My brother is undiagnosed bipolar and very bad with money. My dad basically left everything to us 50-50 as beneficiaries, but it’s unspoken that I have to be my brothers keeper in a financial sense. He doesn’t work and lives off inheritance. He’s always trying to pull money out of joint accounts for day trading, crypto, fishy investments, money for relatives etc. things can get really complicated, but I’m grateful my dad had the foresight to put all his accounts in Merrill and hire an adviser who knows my family’s (my brothers) situation… they have been very helpful in working with us.


If it's not in a trust, I don't see how this is legal. It's his money to do with what he wants if it's not in a trust.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 12:15     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Op this is stealing you can not do this

Follow the will
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 12:13     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Anonymous wrote:She's in the will because your dad loved her. It is HIS will that she inherits. You sound greedy and emotionally stunted to not see this. The mature thing to do is be transparent and make sure your dad's wishes are implemented.



This.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 11:41     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Absolutely go and remove all paperwork from the house now. Go take trash bags and shove all the papers you can find in the house into the bags and take them to your house. You can sort them later, you just need them out if the house. The bank accounts are your account not hers.

If she distanced herself from your father does she even have access to the house? I would immediately change the locks if she had a key to prevent her from entering the house or moving in. Trying to get a mentally unstable person out of a deceased parents house who moved in as soon as the parent died is a nightmare. I also would sell ASAP.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 11:29     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
My brother is undiagnosed bipolar and very bad with money. My dad basically left everything to us 50-50 as beneficiaries, but it’s unspoken that I have to be my brothers keeper in a financial sense. He doesn’t work and lives off inheritance. He’s always trying to pull money out of joint accounts for day trading, crypto, fishy investments, money for relatives etc. things can get really complicated, but I’m grateful my dad had the foresight to put all his accounts in Merrill and hire an adviser who knows my family’s (my brothers) situation… they have been very helpful in working with us.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 11:23     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
There are laws to follow. Follow the will and the laws and that's it. Why are we even talking about her saying that she wanted nothing. Her saying it doesn't overrule the law.
Tell the court that you kept it all because sister said she wanted nothing and see how it goes.


Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 11:07     Subject: Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
She's in the will because your dad loved her. It is HIS will that she inherits. You sound greedy and emotionally stunted to not see this. The mature thing to do is be transparent and make sure your dad's wishes are implemented.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2025 09:37     Subject: Re:Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't need to tell her. You may want to keep some of the statements - unless you have online access. You do need to honor the will. But I assume these accounts will be settled outside the will since you are either on it or are the designated beneficiary. I also assume the will doesn't specifically list these accounts as going to her or you both together.


Correct. They are separate. He put as both as beneficiaries on the other non-probabte accounts but did not include her on the accounts I'm referencing. Part of me feels like challenging the audacity if questioned, when she put in writting to remove her and treated my dad poorly, but the other part of me wants to keep the peace. I'm over beng the rational one and feel she should feel the full spectrum of embarassment/guilt for having her hands out.

Do not tell her about the accounts to which she is not entitled. Remove that paperwork to a safe spot and keep the records for seven years in case of audit.

Do not make any attempt to withhold her inheritance. I understand your feelings, but you would be committing a crime. Just grey rock her and do what you are supposed to do. There is no thing where you can go to court and petition based on her prior request. She would have to disclaim the inheritance now. And she’s not. Don’t let your sister’s bad behavior drag you in.


I don't see how making the OP a joint account holder on bank accounts removes the accounts from the father's estate.

Life insurance can be a different story, as can certain accounts that will only be released to a designated beneficiary.


The money in a joint account passes automatically to the surviving account holder when the other dies. It is not part of the deceased account holder's estate. The same would hold if the account holder named a payable-on-death beneficiary. These are both OG ways of passing on assets outside of probate.