The way you describe it sounds very boring for your kids. It would only probably work if you have a regular group of kids who like playing these sports together at their age.

lol. I understand. My kids competed internationally but one only enjoyed racing, not practicing. The other put in individual practice.

However, they have to want it more than you. And frankly, at ES age, I’d be more worried about burnout than them not reaching their potential.

Also, they may drop their respective sports and pick up another - or none.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I finally came back to read everyone’s answers. Many of you pinpoint my concerns on page 2.

(-) going pro. It’s not about that
(-) being the best on their teams
(-) travel teams
(+) what it is about = the things I learned by putting in effort have served me through life. Staying with piano (in that case you absolutely have to practice. Your teacher will know at the next lesson if you did not) taught me how you go from nothing to Tchaikovsky over years. And how you can go from nothing to a simple song like The Entertainer in a few months as a 4th grader. And how at 37, you can still improve from your old soccer and cross country days. I hit a new PR for running as a studies some methods and applied them.


I have the adult perspective; they don’t. But, I guess, I was *developing* it during ES. I want that helpful experience for my kids.

Overall, I got my wish and I do feel more relaxed about them. It’s all up to them. I can’t learn it for them.

Thank you all.

Your post was too much and it gave me a lot of anxiety. I am a parent of two teens and I saw a bit of myself in it. I wasn’t pushing in sports but other areas. I was WAY too much and it backfired. Things spiraled in the early teen years and our house got really bad. I had to back way off. My methods did not work.

You are coming for a good place but this level of pushing is going to kill their love for the sport. Let them be. Maybe they will be physically active adults on their own. Maybe they won’t. Let them enjoy their sports.

I was pushed to play an instrument and haven’t touched it since the day I was allowed to quit.

In elementary school the issue isn't really kids practicing at home. It's kids playing by themselves at the home. I don't expect my kids to run cone drills by themselves or ball-handling exercises. I do expect them to show a base level interest in the sport by at least thinking about it when they are away from practice. It's not because I expect them to reach an elite level of sport, but enough to justify the family commitment and expense to the sport they profess to love. As well as to prevent the disappointment that comes with getting cut or moved down a level.

As a child, I drove my mom crazy bouncing balls around the house or throwing them off walls. It wasnt about "training" but i got better just by getting familiar with my sports' equipment. I was constantly playing sports with friends. That doesn't seem to happen en masse with kids now (everything is so structured). Maybe it was less common than I thought, but casual interest in sports didn't require multi-thousands of dollars commitment nor tie up entire weekends worth of games/travel.

All that to say, I understand the OPs issue, I'm in the same boat, and the next year will be telling for one of my kids. I anticipate their lack of individual practicing/playing will cause them to get bumped down a level and they'll either a) likely want to quit or b) realize they love the sport, learn a lesson and start actually practicing to try to improve. I'm not holding my breath on b) but may make them stick with it another year as a lesson learned or that the things you "love" require commitment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I realized is the kids who go home and practice all on their own are the exceptions not the rule.

If you really want your kid to practice at home hire a private coach to work with them during the week.

I also realize too late that to look for complementary activities that would help improve their main activity.

If my kids don’t have the internal motivation to practice on their own some at home, then I’m not shelling out the $$ for private training.

While I completely understand this perspective I can relate to athletes to aren’t very motivated to work on their own, but work very hard in a group setting. I was definitely one of those athletes. I only ever did things on my own during breaks in college, where they put the fear in us that they would make our lives hell if we came back out of shape. Even now as an adult, I cannot find the motivation to work out on my own. Not even on a peloton or something like that. I have to be in the physical presence of others with someone telling me what to do, and I will work my butt off. Otherwise, not happening.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I realized is the kids who go home and practice all on their own are the exceptions not the rule.

If you really want your kid to practice at home hire a private coach to work with them during the week.

I also realize too late that to look for complementary activities that would help improve their main activity.

If my kids don’t have the internal motivation to practice on their own some at home, then I’m not shelling out the $$ for private training.

Right I feel that way too!! But I think there is something to be said for kids just not having the knowledge or individual motivation to practice on their own. If I knew of a high schooler who was good at their sport and would work with my kid that might be the best option.

Anonymous wrote:What I realized is the kids who go home and practice all on their own are the exceptions not the rule.

If you really want your kid to practice at home hire a private coach to work with them during the week.

I also realize too late that to look for complementary activities that would help improve their main activity.

If my kids don’t have the internal motivation to practice on their own some at home, then I’m not shelling out the $$ for private training.

What I realized is the kids who go home and practice all on their own are the exceptions not the rule.

If you really want your kid to practice at home hire a private coach to work with them during the week.

I also realize too late that to look for complementary activities that would help improve their main activity.

Anonymous wrote:The argument is assisting kids to not be in the 5% bottom of their rec team and then lose hope and give up when if they put a little bit of effort in they might do average. And feel
confident as they learn how to grow.

I think that’s the argument here.

+1. And I'm a BTDT parent in that regard (kid putting in some work, not being in the bottom group any more, and enjoying the sport). And FWIW my kid plays a sport where very few cuts are made from JV at our local public, so playing high school is possible even without making a top - or any - travel team.

Anonymous wrote:Strawman, I don’t see anybody on here talking about kids being on the top team in elementary school

point out a parent on here who said they desire for their kids to be on a top team

“Well travel sports start in like 2nd grade so... what is laughable? You have to work to make top teams.”

Read the thread, bud. It’s only three pages.

The argument is assisting kids to not be in the 5% bottom of their rec team and then lose hope and give up when if they put a little bit of effort in they might do average. And feel
confident as they learn how to grow.

I think that’s the argument here.

Strawman, I don’t see anybody on here talking about kids being on the top team in elementary school

point out a parent on here who said they desire for their kids to be on a top team

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I finally came back to read everyone’s answers. Many of you pinpoint my concerns on page 2.

(-) going pro. It’s not about that
(-) being the best on their teams
(-) travel teams
(+) what it is about = the things I learned by putting in effort have served me through life. Staying with piano (in that case you absolutely have to practice. Your teacher will know at the next lesson if you did not) taught me how you go from nothing to Tchaikovsky over years. And how you can go from nothing to a simple song like The Entertainer in a few months as a 4th grader. And how at 37, you can still improve from your old soccer and cross country days. I hit a new PR for running as a studies some methods and applied them.


I have the adult perspective; they don’t. But, I guess, I was *developing* it during ES. I want that helpful experience for my kids.

Overall, I got my wish and I do feel more relaxed about them. It’s all up to them. I can’t learn it for them.

Thank you all.

OP, I get it too. And I think how much you push is kid dependent.

I have a kid who acts disinterested in everything except academics. But by her own admission, she actually enjoys her instrument and sports. So I believe what she says rather than the look on her face, and I do push a little. But only a little (I think this was kind of your option C). At one point she had a piano teacher who refused to take my kid at her word and never pushed even the tiniest bit. Kid gave up piano for violin because she was pushed just a little in school strings and felt a progression there. Kid seems happy when gentle pushing on both sport and instrument lead to improvement, so I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing until it stops working.

I have a kid who acts passionate about everything they do except academics and will actively seek out practice opportunities. I don't push much, because I don't have to. In fact sometimes I have to actively peel the kid away from extracurriculars to do chores or school.

I have a kid who says she likes her sport and her instrument but really only ever does extra work in the instrument. I occasionally offer to do some sports practice with her, but I believe her when she says no and never push it. And she's happy with being the worst on her team. I figure at least she's getting the grind from her instrument and pushing the sport would be counter productive.

So I think it's a balance. Know your kid. Constantly question your motives. Decide how you work from there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I finally came back to read everyone’s answers. Many of you pinpoint my concerns on page 2.

(-) going pro. It’s not about that
(-) being the best on their teams
(-) travel teams
(+) what it is about = the things I learned by putting in effort have served me through life. Staying with piano (in that case you absolutely have to practice. Your teacher will know at the next lesson if you did not) taught me how you go from nothing to Tchaikovsky over years. And how you can go from nothing to a simple song like The Entertainer in a few months as a 4th grader. And how at 37, you can still improve from your old soccer and cross country days. I hit a new PR for running as a studies some methods and applied them.


I have the adult perspective; they don’t. But, I guess, I was *developing* it during ES. I want that helpful experience for my kids.

Overall, I got my wish and I do feel more relaxed about them. It’s all up to them. I can’t learn it for them.

Thank you all.

OP, I get it. I have an 11yo who has won races with zero practice. And made top sports teams without any work. As an adult, I recognize that this will not last.

So I am also struggling to teach the lesson that the value isn't in the medal itself, but in the grind. And that you feel better after doing hard things rather than the ones that come easily. But maybe that just has to come with age and maturity.

Or also just depends on your area. I don’t think you’re wrong in anything you’re saying OP. One, it’s expensive so you want them to be really into it and make effort. I give my kids the same expectations or tell them they can play rex if they aren’t that into it because it’s a financial and time commitment for the family. Two, the reality is you really do have to practice to make teams in any competitive environment. There are zero kids who have talent but don’t practice that will make the HS teams in our uber competitive school. The kids who make the teams have natural athletic ability + physical strength + work ethic/practice. All 3. It’s unfortunately that cut throat so I tell my kids that all the time. There’s a few no cut sports like cross country and football but trust me even those have tiers oven you’re in. You could be on the team but you won’t play or get to race.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I finally came back to read everyone’s answers. Many of you pinpoint my concerns on page 2.

(-) going pro. It’s not about that
(-) being the best on their teams
(-) travel teams
(+) what it is about = the things I learned by putting in effort have served me through life. Staying with piano (in that case you absolutely have to practice. Your teacher will know at the next lesson if you did not) taught me how you go from nothing to Tchaikovsky over years. And how you can go from nothing to a simple song like The Entertainer in a few months as a 4th grader. And how at 37, you can still improve from your old soccer and cross country days. I hit a new PR for running as a studies some methods and applied them.


I have the adult perspective; they don’t. But, I guess, I was *developing* it during ES. I want that helpful experience for my kids.

Overall, I got my wish and I do feel more relaxed about them. It’s all up to them. I can’t learn it for them.

Thank you all.

OP, I get it. I have an 11yo who has won races with zero practice. And made top sports teams without any work. As an adult, I recognize that this will not last.

So I am also struggling to teach the lesson that the value isn't in the medal itself, but in the grind. And that you feel better after doing hard things rather than the ones that come easily. But maybe that just has to come with age and maturity.