Anonymous
Post 01/17/2025 07:41     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you all. Thank god my in-laws are 1000+ miles away and I don’t need to deal with them directly. Life is good!!!!!


This!


I much prefer mine local to needing to travel to see them or vice versa. I’ve had it both ways and it is much better seeing them for a couple hours at a time than multiple days straight, needing to drive or fly, take PTO, etc. I can also send my spouse and/or kids without me. Highly recommend.


Lol I've wondered about this. My in laws aren't local and when we have to see them for 1-2 weeks straight I'm literally suffocating. I'm glad it's not that often, but I think (?) I'd feel better if they were just local and we got dinner with them on occasion so I didn't have to put up with them for more than 2 hours at a time. (Then again I would have to see them way more often so

How about this? MY ILs live 5 minutes away but also have a second home 2 hours away. So, instead of just simply having dinner or popping by on weekends when we had time, we were required to pack up the car and everything you need for small kids at least once a month to go stay with them. After about 8-10 years of this--there was a lot of fighting and threats for my spouse if we didn't do exactly what his parents wanted--I finally put my foot down. My kids started having sports and wanting to spend time with friends on weekends and my husband saw the light. It's been about 15 years since and they still complain to him and anybody who will listen about how we never spend time with them. They are five minutes down the street and have been welcome in my home whenever they want. They just don't want to and only want it on their terms.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2025 07:31     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
So curious about why people are talking about not getting babysitting, even now they are talking about whether their grown kids were babysat when they were younger. Why is that part of a questions about how often visiting happens? Is it an unconscious transactional arrangement such that they go together in people’s heads?
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2025 07:23     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you all. Thank god my in-laws are 1000+ miles away and I don’t need to deal with them directly. Life is good!!!!!


This!


I much prefer mine local to needing to travel to see them or vice versa. I’ve had it both ways and it is much better seeing them for a couple hours at a time than multiple days straight, needing to drive or fly, take PTO, etc. I can also send my spouse and/or kids without me. Highly recommend.


Lol I've wondered about this. My in laws aren't local and when we have to see them for 1-2 weeks straight I'm literally suffocating. I'm glad it's not that often, but I think (?) I'd feel better if they were just local and we got dinner with them on occasion so I didn't have to put up with them for more than 2 hours at a time. (Then again I would have to see them way more often so pick your poison...)


Local is better. For sure. I would never want to go back to the way it was before they retired and moved here. They were driving to see us every 6 weeks and staying Friday to Monday. Dinner or brunch twice a month is so much better.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2025 17:20     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
Anonymous wrote:We live 30 minutes away from my in laws and they have come to our house once in probably three or four years. We had a second baby and they never came to visit/meet him at all. They don’t work and do nothing all day. We’ve offered to pay for an uber to our house but literally all they want to do is talk about their petty grievances with their families from over two decades ago and stay at home watching tv. Normally I would just assume they don’t like me but my MIL always is asking me to come over by myself so we can spend time together. But like…I work full time and have children.


It wouldn't hurt you to visit occasionally.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2025 17:19     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you all. Thank god my in-laws are 1000+ miles away and I don’t need to deal with them directly. Life is good!!!!!


This!


I much prefer mine local to needing to travel to see them or vice versa. I’ve had it both ways and it is much better seeing them for a couple hours at a time than multiple days straight, needing to drive or fly, take PTO, etc. I can also send my spouse and/or kids without me. Highly recommend.


Great point. PP w/ local ILs: I’ve only once had my MIL stay overnight in 22 years. We stopped vacationing with them long ago - it was ridiculous to burn leave just to travel and hang out with them for a full week at a time.

And for years, DH has visited his parents solo. My MIL no longer drives so there’s even more freedom in that she won’t just drop by like she used to do.


You sound very unkind. Do you want your kids to treat you that way?
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2025 23:51     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you all. Thank god my in-laws are 1000+ miles away and I don’t need to deal with them directly. Life is good!!!!!


This!


I much prefer mine local to needing to travel to see them or vice versa. I’ve had it both ways and it is much better seeing them for a couple hours at a time than multiple days straight, needing to drive or fly, take PTO, etc. I can also send my spouse and/or kids without me. Highly recommend.


Lol I've wondered about this. My in laws aren't local and when we have to see them for 1-2 weeks straight I'm literally suffocating. I'm glad it's not that often, but I think (?) I'd feel better if they were just local and we got dinner with them on occasion so I didn't have to put up with them for more than 2 hours at a time. (Then again I would have to see them way more often so pick your poison...)
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2025 23:29     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you all. Thank god my in-laws are 1000+ miles away and I don’t need to deal with them directly. Life is good!!!!!


This!


I much prefer mine local to needing to travel to see them or vice versa. I’ve had it both ways and it is much better seeing them for a couple hours at a time than multiple days straight, needing to drive or fly, take PTO, etc. I can also send my spouse and/or kids without me. Highly recommend.


Great point. PP w/ local ILs: I’ve only once had my MIL stay overnight in 22 years. We stopped vacationing with them long ago - it was ridiculous to burn leave just to travel and hang out with them for a full week at a time.

And for years, DH has visited his parents solo. My MIL no longer drives so there’s even more freedom in that she won’t just drop by like she used to do.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 09:32     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you all. Thank god my in-laws are 1000+ miles away and I don’t need to deal with them directly. Life is good!!!!!


This!


I much prefer mine local to needing to travel to see them or vice versa. I’ve had it both ways and it is much better seeing them for a couple hours at a time than multiple days straight, needing to drive or fly, take PTO, etc. I can also send my spouse and/or kids without me. Highly recommend.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 09:26     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you all. Thank god my in-laws are 1000+ miles away and I don’t need to deal with them directly. Life is good!!!!!


This!
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2025 20:04     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
Both DH and I have parents about 20-25 minutes away. We each see our own parents about once a week. I see my in-laws as little as possible, though.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2025 18:56     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
np here, previous poster 18:34 if you don't mind me asking: Do you mind not having holidays in your home? Is their home nicer/bigger than yours? Does that bother you? Not to have your own Christmas (if that's what you celebrate) I assume they are empty nesters and don't usually need as much room as they have.

How old are the Inlaws/parents? This is good that they have energy to babysit regularly.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2025 18:34     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
40 minutes without traffic, 2-3 a month for a meal, we also stay over for Holidays.

They come to most of the kids games, they babysit whenever the kids don’t have school and 2 weeks in the summer.

They love my kids and are very supportive of me.

Hope I have the same relationship with my DIL.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2025 18:06     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
30-45 minutes depending on traffic, 45-60 by metro. Monthly on average, though sometimes we see each other a few times a month and then maybe skip a month. A mix of us going to them, meeting somewhere out, and them coming to us though probably the latter happens the least often. They are pretty chill and I don't mind spending time with them. Sometimes other relatives join too...I have an uncle in-law (fil's brother) we are pretty close with.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2025 18:00     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
So sorry for you all. Thank god my in-laws are 1000+ miles away and I don’t need to deal with them directly. Life is good!!!!!
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2025 12:43     Subject: If you and your in laws are in the dmv
I wish my in-laws were warmer and more interested since my own mom passed away when my kids were in elementary school. We see them a couple times a month but other than grilling the kids on school, they don’t engage with them at all and mostly just want to discuss their own lives and interests: their friends, their trips, pickleball, restaurants, the stock market, etc. My kids just end up sitting there bored out of their minds on their phones.