Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another parent interested in effective methods of discipline here. The usual suggestions don't work with every kids and I wish there were more parenting tips beyond the redirection, do not engage, positive encouragement etc. My parent friend group is mostly Americans who would balk at the idea of timeout, but when I have spent time around them and their children what I see is they basically put up with bad or at least very annoying behavior and let their toddlers/kids "walk all over them" like OP is describing. They don't seem happy about it, it's exhausting. But god forbid we talk about discipline and punishment.

They don't work as you don't stick with them. Do nanny style time outs. Every time they get up you put them back and start all over. It may take all day.

Anonymous wrote:2.5 DS is driving us crazy over the long holiday break. Constantly boundary testing and fighting everything (getting dressed, diaper changes, stopping destructive behavior). He's verbal enough that we know he understands what he's doing is wrong/not allowed, but he's just keeps at it to get a reaction out of us. DH threatened timeout and the following conversation ensues:

DS: What is timeout dada?
DH: we lock you in your room for 5 minutes and you're not going to like it.
DS: can I be loud in my room?
DH: .....yes..
DS: can i be really loud?
DH: yes
DS: I go to timeout!

DH suggested locking him in a closet so it's dark and he's scared (for a few minutes) so he's actually incentivized to avoid it as a punishment. Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to punish him. Punishing is the wrong focus.
If he throws food, plate goes away. Natural consequence. If he hits, you both need a break which means he needs to be in his room: he can be loud there, that hurts nothing. Follow up with a normal pleasant interaction, because you've had your break and are ready to try again. Yes it's repetitive, because he's 2. This phase passes.

BTW, it sounds like he needs more exercise and attention. Take the kid to the park, cone home and read a story.

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to punish him. Punishing is the wrong focus.
If he throws food, plate goes away. Natural consequence. If he hits, you both need a break which means he needs to be in his room: he can be loud there, that hurts nothing. Follow up with a normal pleasant interaction, because you've had your break and are ready to try again. Yes it's repetitive, because he's 2. This phase passes.

BTW, it sounds like he needs more exercise and attention. Take the kid to the park, cone home and read a story.

Anonymous wrote:Another parent interested in effective methods of discipline here. The usual suggestions don't work with every kids and I wish there were more parenting tips beyond the redirection, do not engage, positive encouragement etc. My parent friend group is mostly Americans who would balk at the idea of timeout, but when I have spent time around them and their children what I see is they basically put up with bad or at least very annoying behavior and let their toddlers/kids "walk all over them" like OP is describing. They don't seem happy about it, it's exhausting. But god forbid we talk about discipline and punishment.

Anonymous wrote:OP, my parenting style leans to the authoritative side a bit and even I would never consider locking my child in a dark closet or room.
Please do not do this. It is abusive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has a tablet, randomly take it away and say "I be mean". Then have a discussion about the wisdom and ethics of being arbitrarily mean.

Sounds like this kid is ready for a two-way discussion about how life works.

As a kid, I was sent to my room as a punishment. It was someplace I liked to be. So it wasn't traumatic. And I got the point that I was being shunned. That was enough punishment.

I haven't thought of that before, I might give that a try, thanks! If anything it would be an interesting experiment to see if he can understand the situation. He certain can connect bad behavior (hitting, throwing, tantrums around things like getting dressed/transitions) with the phrase "I be mean." When we ask him "Why are you being mean?" he will usually giggle and say something circular like "Because i be not nice." So he's not getting the part where one should NOT be mean.

Anonymous wrote:2.5 DS is driving us crazy over the long holiday break. Constantly boundary testing and fighting everything (getting dressed, diaper changes, stopping destructive behavior). He's verbal enough that we know he understands what he's doing is wrong/not allowed, but he's just keeps at it to get a reaction out of us. DH threatened timeout and the following conversation ensues:

DS: What is timeout dada?
DH: we lock you in your room for 5 minutes and you're not going to like it.
DS: can I be loud in my room?
DH: .....yes..
DS: can i be really loud?
DH: yes
DS: I go to timeout!

DH suggested locking him in a closet so it's dark and he's scared (for a few minutes) so he's actually incentivized to avoid it as a punishment. Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP: We are doing parent child interaction training for a child with ADHD and before the child learns to sit quietly on a chair in time-out, he gets put into a bathroom with the door closed (not dark of course). If he tries to get out, he stays longer in the bathroom. This is all under therapist guidance and so far, we have had to do it 5-6 times. The therapist assured us that a bit of "fear" of consequence that is not liked by the child is actually good b/c you want them to not like the consequence. Once he learns to sit on a chair quietly, then he no longer goes to the bathroom.

thank you. this is helpful. This is what i want to know more about. How you can SAFELY discipline a kid this age and use actually negative consequences (things they "fear" or really want to avoid) to encourage better behavior.