I would divorce the spouse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would bring up divorce. No one is allowed to hit my kid with a belt.

Ex DH will then have kid alone 50% time.

And remarry to a woman who will not tolerate this child and prefer her own kids, leading to further disruption to this child’s life.

OP, you need to be more strict with your son on a daily basis. Explain to your husband that you both shouldn’t let the situation escalate to that point again.

Anonymous wrote:I would bring up divorce. No one is allowed to hit my kid with a belt.

Ex DH will then have kid alone 50% time.

Anonymous wrote:It’s important for your spouse to know that using an object to hit and leaving a mark can be investigated as child abuse, at least in Maryland. Beyond the philosophical question of corporal punishment, there are legal risks.

Then they must have changed the laws in Maryland as someone who dealt with cps there in 2012 I was told you can punish your child however you see fit including threatening them with a gun.

Good for him . Someone has to put a foot down and actually punish this child. I would say thank you , next time we use a belt after 1 warning. No more second chances it’s the only way children learn..

Were you literally out to lunch while your kid was running around like a hellion, OP?

It’s not ok. But you are complicit. You should have removed Your child before it escalated. And after the threat, you really blew it. You admitted you expected further misbehavior yet you allowed the further misbehavior to happen despite the threat. While you didn’t actually hit your child you set your child up to be hit.

You have no business acting like you played no part in this.

I would not hit with an object and I would not hit a 4 year old. He has only been on this earth for 4 years. You can not expect him to know how to act. Teach him. There are other punishments that could have happened. If you can’t stop pushing people, we will remove you so you don’t have access to them. If you can not stop hitting the dog, we will remove you so that the dog is safe. If you can’t stop whining, we will remove you to gather your emotions until you can talk to other respectfully. Every single time, follow through. Have a talk with husband. You must be on the same page. Hitting with a belt is abusive. There will be a point where the belt no longer works. And then what?

I would bring up divorce. No one is allowed to hit my kid with a belt.

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your husband it’s time to go home early and take a parenting class together. A four year old should not be so badly behaved. I’m guessing your husband’s feels your discipline strategy isn’t working and he’s right. Get in the same page about consequences and enforcement and be consistent every time.

I agree with this. I'm not pro spanking, especially with an implement like a belt, but this situation seems like a looong list of failures in discipline and action leading up to it so you need to work on that. My kid would have been whisked away after even one of these things.

I would have been okay with a swat on the butt in that situation, but no objects, ever. Sometimes the thing that breaks the chain of kid behavior needs to be a swift immediate shock in the moment, over and done. Explanations, reasoning, logic don’t really work on a,preschooler. If they do, your kid was always going to be inclined to be obedient anyway. I only did it three times in my kid’s life, and for danger situations. I wanted him to be afraid of getting a spanking enough not to run in the street/climb on a third floor balcony. For the rest, I tried all the time outs, 1-2-3 magic, but so many times I remember thinking to myself “this would be so much simpler if the kids occasionally got a swat on the butt”. One swat, no beating.

You do need a class on parenting just to learn techniques to try to disrupt the situation before it gets to the point where spanking is the best option left. Remove, redirect, repeat.

It’s important for your spouse to know that using an object to hit and leaving a mark can be investigated as child abuse, at least in Maryland. Beyond the philosophical question of corporal punishment, there are legal risks.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like child was out of control and DH didn’t know how to handle it. I would teach DH 1-2-3 magic. It’s not perfect, but it gives control back to the parent.

Then I would look into a more CBT-based parenting class, so that the spouse can be an effective parent.

If the physical discipline stops, I’d let the incident go.

If the physical continued and grew worse, I’d start documenting in preparation for divorce.

Not a fix, then DC will be alone w/ex DH 50% time.

DH probably felt like he was losing face in front of own parents, who beat him.

No more kids with this man, OP. Next time have a plan to manage young kids.

Just tell your husband it’s time to go home early and take a parenting class together. A four year old should not be so badly behaved. I’m guessing your husband’s feels your discipline strategy isn’t working and he’s right. Get in the same page about consequences and enforcement and be consistent every time.

Parents who “discipline” like that never seem to realize that their kids act out because of the chaotic life and traumatic abuse that they are living. My kid doesn’t even know that spanking exists and they literally never hit anyone or act out for any extended period of time.