Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met at 22 and 36. Married at 25 and 39. Together 17 years/married 15 now with a teen/tween. We've had our ups and downs, but nothing that specifically has anything to do with our age gap - usually stuff .. money, sex, in-laws.

Even having our lived experience, I definitely would have some strong feelings if our son brought home a co-ed in his mid-30s - mostly just because society is so weird about it.

And to the previous posters saying "wait 20 years" ... we're almost there and I'm not sure what the issue is. He's in good health and is at a place in his career where he's basically on cruise control and can do some of the day-to-day heaving lifting with the kids (carpools, homework help), which has made my c-suite climb so. much. easier.

Good luck to your daughter - you sound like a great mom and your support means everything to her.

I noticed women who are with much older men are typically not that interested in building a deeper connection. It’s more transactional: money, sex, and just not being bothered by anything external (in-laws, for the above poster). How they look together as a couple +kids on Instagram, very superficial.
My exH would get irritated discussing my challenges at work; political issues; son’s issues at school. Not good with foreplay in bedroom. ExH built an office in the basement and was spending most of his days there, working. He now dates a 20 years younger woman with two little kids but don’t cohabitate with her, just takes on trips and restaurants. Now that he lives alone he seems to be the happiest.

OP - I very much appreciate the insight on red flags to look out for and future problems that she may not be considering now. I think my concerns lie with the fact that she, as a 24 year old, is naive about the reality of aging. I also am worried that there are reasons he isn’t married that women closer to his age have picked up on.

DD’s last boyfriend was 33 and she left him because he was superficial/not genuinely interested in her as a person. I don’t think I am worried that her new relationship is transactional. To be quite frank, she is not after him for money because she has more. They are also very good friends. I think I would be entirely approving of this relationship if I wasn’t worried that there is something inherently wrong with a man of his age interested in a younger girlfriend.

Your daughter may be just naive and not transactional. But HE is, just in a different way.

How so? Do you think he is 100% certainly approaching this relationship transactionally?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dont waste your youth on some old loser.

OP here. Posted because of my daughter’s new relationship. There is a voice in my head agreeing with this sentiment

OP, I met my husband when I was 25 and he was 37. So, not quite the gap you’re talking about, but close. We’ve been married for decades and are very happy together (two kids, two equal incomes, close to each other’s families, etc). I don’t feel like I wasted my youth. I had plenty of youth before we met and was very happy to settle down and have a family while I was still relatively young. He had never been married, though; I do think that would have been a different divide and a much harder one to overcome.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met at 22 and 36. Married at 25 and 39. Together 17 years/married 15 now with a teen/tween. We've had our ups and downs, but nothing that specifically has anything to do with our age gap - usually stuff .. money, sex, in-laws.

Even having our lived experience, I definitely would have some strong feelings if our son brought home a co-ed in his mid-30s - mostly just because society is so weird about it.

And to the previous posters saying "wait 20 years" ... we're almost there and I'm not sure what the issue is. He's in good health and is at a place in his career where he's basically on cruise control and can do some of the day-to-day heaving lifting with the kids (carpools, homework help), which has made my c-suite climb so. much. easier.

Good luck to your daughter - you sound like a great mom and your support means everything to her.

I noticed women who are with much older men are typically not that interested in building a deeper connection. It’s more transactional: money, sex, and just not being bothered by anything external (in-laws, for the above poster). How they look together as a couple +kids on Instagram, very superficial.
My exH would get irritated discussing my challenges at work; political issues; son’s issues at school. Not good with foreplay in bedroom. ExH built an office in the basement and was spending most of his days there, working. He now dates a 20 years younger woman with two little kids but don’t cohabitate with her, just takes on trips and restaurants. Now that he lives alone he seems to be the happiest.

OP - I very much appreciate the insight on red flags to look out for and future problems that she may not be considering now. I think my concerns lie with the fact that she, as a 24 year old, is naive about the reality of aging. I also am worried that there are reasons he isn’t married that women closer to his age have picked up on.

DD’s last boyfriend was 33 and she left him because he was superficial/not genuinely interested in her as a person. I don’t think I am worried that her new relationship is transactional. To be quite frank, she is not after him for money because she has more. They are also very good friends. I think I would be entirely approving of this relationship if I wasn’t worried that there is something inherently wrong with a man of his age interested in a younger girlfriend.

Your daughter may be just naive and not transactional. But HE is, just in a different way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met at 22 and 36. Married at 25 and 39. Together 17 years/married 15 now with a teen/tween. We've had our ups and downs, but nothing that specifically has anything to do with our age gap - usually stuff .. money, sex, in-laws.

Even having our lived experience, I definitely would have some strong feelings if our son brought home a co-ed in his mid-30s - mostly just because society is so weird about it.

And to the previous posters saying "wait 20 years" ... we're almost there and I'm not sure what the issue is. He's in good health and is at a place in his career where he's basically on cruise control and can do some of the day-to-day heaving lifting with the kids (carpools, homework help), which has made my c-suite climb so. much. easier.

Good luck to your daughter - you sound like a great mom and your support means everything to her.

I noticed women who are with much older men are typically not that interested in building a deeper connection. It’s more transactional: money, sex, and just not being bothered by anything external (in-laws, for the above poster). How they look together as a couple +kids on Instagram, very superficial.
My exH would get irritated discussing my challenges at work; political issues; son’s issues at school. Not good with foreplay in bedroom. ExH built an office in the basement and was spending most of his days there, working. He now dates a 20 years younger woman with two little kids but don’t cohabitate with her, just takes on trips and restaurants. Now that he lives alone he seems to be the happiest.

OP - I very much appreciate the insight on red flags to look out for and future problems that she may not be considering now. I think my concerns lie with the fact that she, as a 24 year old, is naive about the reality of aging. I also am worried that there are reasons he isn’t married that women closer to his age have picked up on.

DD’s last boyfriend was 33 and she left him because he was superficial/not genuinely interested in her as a person. I don’t think I am worried that her new relationship is transactional. To be quite frank, she is not after him for money because she has more. They are also very good friends. I think I would be entirely approving of this relationship if I wasn’t worried that there is something inherently wrong with a man of his age interested in a younger girlfriend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has a good career and no first family (no ex wife, no kids), and there isn’t some employee/boss dynamic going on, then I don’t think it’s terrible.

It will be much more challenging in 20 years.

We have a 10 year age difference. I ended up with the health issues. You never know the future.

On average men live 6 years less than women, they start having health issues way earlier. You are an exception.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has a good career and no first family (no ex wife, no kids), and there isn’t some employee/boss dynamic going on, then I don’t think it’s terrible.

It will be much more challenging in 20 years.

We have a 10 year age difference. I ended up with the health issues. You never know the future.

Anonymous wrote:Met at 22 and 36. Married at 25 and 39. Together 17 years/married 15 now with a teen/tween. We've had our ups and downs, but nothing that specifically has anything to do with our age gap - usually stuff .. money, sex, in-laws.

Even having our lived experience, I definitely would have some strong feelings if our son brought home a co-ed in his mid-30s - mostly just because society is so weird about it.

And to the previous posters saying "wait 20 years" ... we're almost there and I'm not sure what the issue is. He's in good health and is at a place in his career where he's basically on cruise control and can do some of the day-to-day heaving lifting with the kids (carpools, homework help), which has made my c-suite climb so. much. easier.

Good luck to your daughter - you sound like a great mom and your support means everything to her.

I noticed women who are with much older men are typically not that interested in building a deeper connection. It’s more transactional: money, sex, and just not being bothered by anything external (in-laws, for the above poster). How they look together as a couple +kids on Instagram, very superficial.
My exH would get irritated discussing my challenges at work; political issues; son’s issues at school. Not good with foreplay in bedroom. ExH built an office in the basement and was spending most of his days there, working. He now dates a 20 years younger woman with two little kids but don’t cohabitate with her, just takes on trips and restaurants. Now that he lives alone he seems to be the happiest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dont waste your youth on some old loser.

OP here. Posted because of my daughter’s new relationship. There is a voice in my head agreeing with this sentiment

Oof. I was once your daughter - started dating a 38 year old when I was 23 (and dated him for 3 years).

The best thing you can do is always be non-judgmental and open to talking to her. My parents were super judgy, which made me shut down and hide things from them. So when things started going south (and they WILL go south), I had nobody to talk to and I stayed in that relationship far longer than I should have.

The other thing would be to also encourage her to go out and have fun with people her own age. Anything that will get her out meeting men her own age.

Agree with this poster. I was also in this situation and ended up staying and having 2 kids. Wish I hadn't.

My exH was 11 years older. The age difference started to feel big when he turned 50. Performance issues which he began trying to resolve by sleeping around and screaming at family. We got divorced. He “upgraded” to a 20 yo younger woman. I do think that men who date much younger partners are not able to see their own flaws or connect well emotionally. It always mattered how I looked like for the external world, but the relationship was non-existent

Your daughter has time to wait, date and see: usually such traits pop up on year 3-4 of the relationship.

Met at 22 and 36. Married at 25 and 39. Together 17 years/married 15 now with a teen/tween. We've had our ups and downs, but nothing that specifically has anything to do with our age gap - usually stuff .. money, sex, in-laws.

Even having our lived experience, I definitely would have some strong feelings if our son brought home a co-ed in his mid-30s - mostly just because society is so weird about it.

And to the previous posters saying "wait 20 years" ... we're almost there and I'm not sure what the issue is. He's in good health and is at a place in his career where he's basically on cruise control and can do some of the day-to-day heaving lifting with the kids (carpools, homework help), which has made my c-suite climb so. much. easier.

Good luck to your daughter - you sound like a great mom and your support means everything to her.

Anonymous wrote:If he has a good career and no first family (no ex wife, no kids), and there isn’t some employee/boss dynamic going on, then I don’t think it’s terrible.

It will be much more challenging in 20 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a sense of “why” he was single at 38? Divorce or kids?

Never married, no children, has had serious girlfriends

I met my DH when he was 36 (I was 30). We got married when he was 39. Never married, no kids, but has had ltr live in gf. Just because a man hasn't been married by 38 doesn't mean there's something wrong with him. He never thought marriage was important, until we got together, and I told him that it was important to me. His previous gf didn't care about getting married,either.

We've been married for 20+ years.

As to the age difference... I have always been more attracted to older more mature men, but now that we are in our 50s/60, I'm finding the age difference much more noticeable. He is still healthy and has always looked young, but age catches up to us all in terms of looks and physicality. He is now retired; I'm still working. IMO, that difference is going to be the big sticking point as you age.

Also, what about children? Even if she has a kid at 28, he will be what.. 42? She will be a young mom, and he will be an old dad, like DH is. We have a 16 and 19 yr old, and he's 60. While that isn't an issue for us since I'm 54, that might be an issue for the wife when she's still a pretty young 46 yr old, and her DH is 60.

I don't think most young women can fathom what this will look like in 20 years.

Anonymous wrote:What’s his baggage at 38? It’s kind of lose-lose. If he’s never been married at that age it’s a red flag but if he’s divorced that comes with its own set of issues.

I’d think if she’s dating for fun then have at it, but I’d personally encourage her to not date for marriage. When any sex hits 50 things start going downhill. When she’s 40 and he’s 54 she’s really going to notice the differences.

If he's a great husband, father, provider, etc, those tradeoffs will be worth it.

What’s his baggage at 38? It’s kind of lose-lose. If he’s never been married at that age it’s a red flag but if he’s divorced that comes with its own set of issues.

I’d think if she’s dating for fun then have at it, but I’d personally encourage her to not date for marriage. When any sex hits 50 things start going downhill. When she’s 40 and he’s 54 she’s really going to notice the differences.

Anonymous wrote:That's ok, just as long as it's the man who is older because old women get discarded

Only because it becomes very dusty as women age , men can keep working it