Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where does OP say her son will receive an inheritance? I wouldn't count on that.

As of now, this is in writing in divorce decree (which has some legal bearing, even if changes the will). Son is also in family trusts as sole beneficiary. Of course I know this.

If these are irrevocable trusts, then it probably doesn't matter if your son maintains the relationship or not.

If they are revocable trusts, expect the new woman and her kids to inherit everything from your ex.

Your son should not sell his soul and put up with shitty treatment for 20 years for a potential inheritance dangled over his head.

Cool, however "If a revocable trust and a will contradict each other, the trust will generally take precedence over the will. This is because a trust is a separate legal entity that holds assets, and the will only governs assets not held in the trust"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Allow" my son? He's an adult. Dad will pay or not ... and can invent any reason.

He just turned 18. An adult technically, but everyone knows how vulnerable kids, particular boys are in this age. Son is mildly autistic and this whole situation is very stressful for him

Yes an adult. He can manage his relationship with his dad (feel free to run down the pros and cons with him) but the choice is his. Land the helicopter and back off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This is not enforceable. Just so you know.

People put a lot of things in their marriage settlement agreements that aren’t actually enforceable in a court of law. Forcing one parent to pay for college exclusively is one of them.

You and your son should be more grateful that your ex is agreeing to pay for it. He is not, in fact, “obligated” to.

It's part of the civil assets settlement and is totally enforceable. I can arrest his real estate, accounts etc. It will only take time, and legal costs which is inconvenience.

Seems like too many posters here are upset some other mother was able to get a great deal for her child. Or maybe they are upset that men they are dating have money hidden for their natural kids.

Too much baggage from the fonts. Get some therapy and don't let this loser waste any more of your time

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you on everything except the idea that this lady is being “forced upon” your son. Reality is that both you and your exH have moved on, and exH is appropriately emphasizing to your son that he (exH) is an adult allowed to make decisions about his life not preserve in amber the life that is over. Honestly that is important for your son to comprehend and deal with. You got divorced and this is how it goes. Your exDH is correct that if he is serious about this lady, who had nothing to do with the dissolution of your marriage, then son needs to accept her as part of his dad’s and also by extension, son’s life.

There are more and less forceful ways to do that but your son does need to make the adjustment, sorry to say.

I understand that - and this is what I wrote above. Because my exH is a nutjob and abuser, I would rather prefer him coupled with someone who I can call and check on my son from time to time. She was NOT the AP who was a fault for marriage dissolution. The divorce and its' collateral damage to all of us was huge.
I feel maybe the divorce itself was a wake-up call for my exH. I appreciate he tried to find the woman who would have easier time blending and fitting in. She's from the same region as I am (speaks the same native language as all of us and our son). The AP was a complete corporate w...re and a social climber - a totally different breed, he wouldn't be able to coexist long term. This new woman is just a mom of two with nothing to her name, someone who is easy for him to manipulate. Just just myself 24 years ago. So I totally approve his choice and it's better that he settles now than continue going angry and mad without sex for years, with unknown risks.
I told son the same - be polite with her, keep the "tell-all" story to himself. Maintain a good face with her whereby there was a really bad play behind the curtain for everyones' sake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This is not enforceable. Just so you know.

People put a lot of things in their marriage settlement agreements that aren’t actually enforceable in a court of law. Forcing one parent to pay for college exclusively is one of them.

You and your son should be more grateful that your ex is agreeing to pay for it. He is not, in fact, “obligated” to.

A lot of the details in your posts and follow up posts make it seem like you are enmeshed with your son. He doesn’t want to eat at the table his mom lovingly restored 6 years ago when he was twelve? He wants to do a tell all about how his dad was beating him at Christmas dinner? I feel bad for him, the adults in his life made the example of Drama and he has become that way too.

I would butt out and encourage him to be more independent if it were me. You’re fighting a losing battle on the inheritance either way, your only way to stop DH from remarrying would have been to stay married to him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where does OP say her son will receive an inheritance? I wouldn't count on that.

As of now, this is in writing in divorce decree (which has some legal bearing, even if changes the will). Son is also in family trusts as sole beneficiary. Of course I know this.

If these are irrevocable trusts, then it probably doesn't matter if your son maintains the relationship or not.

If they are revocable trusts, expect the new woman and her kids to inherit everything from your ex.

Your son should not sell his soul and put up with shitty treatment for 20 years for a potential inheritance dangled over his head.

It sounds to me like you are making him do something he doesn’t want to do so that you aren’t inconvenienced by going back to court.

OP I am with you on everything except the idea that this lady is being “forced upon” your son. Reality is that both you and your exH have moved on, and exH is appropriately emphasizing to your son that he (exH) is an adult allowed to make decisions about his life not preserve in amber the life that is over. Honestly that is important for your son to comprehend and deal with. You got divorced and this is how it goes. Your exDH is correct that if he is serious about this lady, who had nothing to do with the dissolution of your marriage, then son needs to accept her as part of his dad’s and also by extension, son’s life.

There are more and less forceful ways to do that but your son does need to make the adjustment, sorry to say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, let him decide if he wants to break free from Dad and maybe take loans if he needs or suck it up and put up with it a few more years. Afterwards he can disappear if he wants to.

As for as Dad's connections for internships and such, it doesn't sound like it's worth the heartburn

Mom expects life long child support to subsidize her and wants all the inheritance.

NP. You’re a clown. She said neither of those things.

And obviously, child support has no bearing on paying for college—which is orders of magnitude more than child support.

Yes, CS and college are two totally different things

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“better than someone never married”

This speaks volumes about you, op.

Keep you and your judgement away from your son. He will be the better for it.

🙄

Of course thats better! I don't have any judgement about anyone never married, but if the lady was never married late 30s, she would press for a baby right away.

If she’s in it for the money, unless your ex has had a vasectomy, she can trap him anyway. It has nothing to do with prior marriage.

Nice try on the backpedal though.

NP, you’re the a-hole here. Nothing wrong with OP looking out for her son.

Anonymous wrote:Where does OP say her son will receive an inheritance? I wouldn't count on that.

As of now, this is in writing in divorce decree (which has some legal bearing, even if changes the will). Son is also in family trusts as sole beneficiary. Of course I know this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, let him decide if he wants to break free from Dad and maybe take loans if he needs or suck it up and put up with it a few more years. Afterwards he can disappear if he wants to.

As for as Dad's connections for internships and such, it doesn't sound like it's worth the heartburn

Mom expects life long child support to subsidize her and wants all the inheritance.

NP. You’re a clown. She said neither of those things.

And obviously, child support has no bearing on paying for college—which is orders of magnitude more than child support.

Where does OP say her son will receive an inheritance? I wouldn't count on that.