Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 15:47     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:“My dad’s wife” and “My dad’s wife’s kids” (I can’t imagine thinking of them as “step siblings.” And I call her by her first name. “Ms Lynn” sounds like you 12 and live in Mississippi. I would just call her Lynn.

If these marriages happen after the kids are grown, the whole “step” thing makes no sense.



All of this. OP, you call her Ms. Lynn?!?!?!

Also, while I dislike my dad's wife, a good friend of mine uses the same terminology and absolutely ADORES her dad's wife.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 15:44     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Im in a similar position as OP but there are grandkids involved. My FIL’s new wife says my kids (baby, 2, and 5) should call her by her first name, not by a grandmother honorific title. We insist that our kids call adults Mr./Ms. (Southern! Can’t help it) but she insists they should just say her first name. I feel like this is cold toward my kids. This is their new grandma!


Maybe she doesn't want to be their grandma and you should respect her boundaries. You're not entitled to this.


I do respect her boundaries. We call her by her first name. I’m posting on a forum that this seems weird to me. My kids grandma died, grandpa remarried, and now they have a new grandma. I’m not “entitled” but it’s weird for my little kids. They don’t even remember the previous grandma! This is their grandma whether she wants to be or not.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 12:58     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:Im in a similar position as OP but there are grandkids involved. My FIL’s new wife says my kids (baby, 2, and 5) should call her by her first name, not by a grandmother honorific title. We insist that our kids call adults Mr./Ms. (Southern! Can’t help it) but she insists they should just say her first name. I feel like this is cold toward my kids. This is their new grandma!


Maybe she doesn't want to be their grandma and you should respect her boundaries. You're not entitled to this.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 12:55     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:Im in a similar position as OP but there are grandkids involved. My FIL’s new wife says my kids (baby, 2, and 5) should call her by her first name, not by a grandmother honorific title. We insist that our kids call adults Mr./Ms. (Southern! Can’t help it) but she insists they should just say her first name. I feel like this is cold toward my kids. This is their new grandma!


You can help it. You just don't want to because you think your culture is better.

Choose to be respectful by calling people what they want to be called.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 12:55     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:Im in a similar position as OP but there are grandkids involved. My FIL’s new wife says my kids (baby, 2, and 5) should call her by her first name, not by a grandmother honorific title. We insist that our kids call adults Mr./Ms. (Southern! Can’t help it) but she insists they should just say her first name. I feel like this is cold toward my kids. This is their new grandma!


She is right, first name. Mr./Mrs. is rude as it doesn't imply family. And, grandma is reserved for your mom. If your mom has passed, then maybe grandma but she's not comfortable so respect it.

My mom has been dating a man 10+ years. Kid calls him by his first name but he's a cold fish so he just normally stares at us and doesn't act like a grandpa. My mom is very much a grandma to his grandkids, but she sucks with my kid.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 12:51     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Im in a similar position as OP but there are grandkids involved. My FIL’s new wife says my kids (baby, 2, and 5) should call her by her first name, not by a grandmother honorific title. We insist that our kids call adults Mr./Ms. (Southern! Can’t help it) but she insists they should just say her first name. I feel like this is cold toward my kids. This is their new grandma!
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 12:22     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:My dad remarried when I was 40. I call his wife by her first name and I do not see her children as my step siblings. I’ve met them twice!


Similar with a friend's family, after his Dad passed, no one ever saw the wife again. actually I know of three situations like that. You can't force relationships even among people who are blood relatives.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 12:18     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My dad remarried a few years ago. I am 44. His wife seems okay, but there is only limited interaction when I visit. About a year ago, she asked me to call her "Momma Lynn." I respectfully declined and continued calling her "Ms. Lynn." Last week, she referred to her grown daughters as my step-sisters. I've never met either of her daughters. I associate stepfamilies with blended families, which were introduced from birth to 17 years. Do full-grown adults refer to their parent's spouse/family as "step?" It seems so juvenile.


Technically yes they are your step-siblings.

I suspect they feel similarly weird about it. Perhaps this is a bonding opportunity if everyone is at least basically cool.

No need for it to be a Capital T thing, you know?


I think the PP is trying not to make a thing about it, but Momma Lynn sure is. She needs to knock it off.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 10:18     Subject: Re:As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:"Those people" - but maybe just me?


My mom blew up a 30 year marriage to my dad so she could chase after a man 15 years older than her, who she had a relationship with when she was 17 (just all sorts of wrong here). I refer to him as "my mom's partner" when I'm feeling generous, and "that guy" when I'm not. She hates it, but I just really do not care. I'm not playing along with her ridiculous fantasy land "we're soulmates and were always meant to be together!!!!!" BS.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2024 21:49     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
My dad remarried when I was 40. I call his wife by her first name and I do not see her children as my step siblings. I’ve met them twice!
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2024 21:33     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:“My dad’s wife” and “My dad’s wife’s kids” (I can’t imagine thinking of them as “step siblings.” And I call her by her first name. “Ms Lynn” sounds like you 12 and live in Mississippi. I would just call her Lynn.

If these marriages happen after the kids are grown, the whole “step” thing makes no sense.


+1. I don’t have an issue with my mom’s husband and I actually really like his (adult) kids, but they aren’t step anything. I see these people once or twice a year, there is no familial relationship.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2024 18:38     Subject: Re:As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:I refer to my dad’s wife by her first name and I’ve only met her adult kids once and I’m lucky if I remember their names. I don’t dislike them I just don’t know them so they are at best acquaintances, certainly not family. Once my father told me that his wife and her kids are not included in his estate plans (beyond a modest amount for his wife) I don’t think about them much. She’s actually very pleasant around my kids and they refer to her by her first name. That was how my Dad introduced her to them.


I would caution you against thinking this is as black and white as you think it is. My dad also did not include his second wife in the estate beyond a modest amount. However, what she sued for and received was a different story.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2024 15:03     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
I refer to my DH's adult daughter as "Larla, DH's daughter." and her children as "DH's grandkids."

She is polite when I see her but we've never really had a conversation. I respect the fact she is disinterested in forming any kind of connection and never pushed for anything more.

Like above poster, I really don't think about her much. She isn't family and I don't consider her such.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2024 13:47     Subject: Re:As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
I refer to my dad’s wife by her first name and I’ve only met her adult kids once and I’m lucky if I remember their names. I don’t dislike them I just don’t know them so they are at best acquaintances, certainly not family. Once my father told me that his wife and her kids are not included in his estate plans (beyond a modest amount for his wife) I don’t think about them much. She’s actually very pleasant around my kids and they refer to her by her first name. That was how my Dad introduced her to them.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2024 18:49     Subject: As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?
Anonymous wrote:That’s your dad’s wife and those are her kids.


This. First names all the way around.