Duke? Yeah, that’s a reach for any kid at any school. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

I kept my kid working on his other apps. If we never have to use them, great.

I'm missing something...the ED decision hasn't come out yet so your daughter is freaking out how she might get rejected? Not too normal, but not too unusual. Tell your daughter to grow a pair.

Or, your counselor knows who got in ED because of some earlier communication with the ED school and that the counselor is being proactive in managing expectations?

This is not the fault of ED. This is the fault of our weird college admissions system.

In most other places, you have a pretty good idea of where you can go by the time you apply. Your DD would have a much better idea of her chances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP - don’t listen to the criticism. Kids are built differently and it sounds like yours is very competitive and has worked very hard. They will end up in a great school that is the right place for them! Whether the RD works out or not, trust that everything will be ok in the end. The hard work WILL pay off. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

Don't enable. Poor kid is having a meltdown because she was given poor guidance. Mom wants to change the system because things didn't work out for THEM.

And what would you have done differently/ Sounds like the mom was trying to set expectations and as others have noted, kids handle rejection very differently.
OP - my kid sounds very similar. Was rejected from her ED 2 years ago. She was extremely upset and we were very worried but after a couple days. she bounced right back and found some other schools. She is having a good experience at her current school. Just follow her lead and give her time to absorb the news. And it is possible the meltdown with the counselor means she got the anxiety out of her system so she can take any bad news a little better.

I would not have claimed to change the system because things didn't work out.

ED is a little different since it is one school. The school!
With RD, you usually have an assortment of schools so a rejection won't sting as much.
ED is for kids who are putting all their eggs in one basket - betting everything on the one dream school. The impact of a rejection, in my opinion is stronger.

We did EA but not ED. ED is a HUGE amount of pressure on a teen. Today is the worst day for her in the whole process, waiting around for the decision to finally come. After today, either she's in and all is great, or she's not in and she can do something about it and just apply RD to some schools. Knowing before great is good because it gives time to really do all those apps before January. She will 100% get in somewhere. Deep breath, and update us on how it goes!

I understand, OP. I am on pins and needles myself, worrying for my DC! Good luck in the RD rounds. It is hard for sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP - don’t listen to the criticism. Kids are built differently and it sounds like yours is very competitive and has worked very hard. They will end up in a great school that is the right place for them! Whether the RD works out or not, trust that everything will be ok in the end. The hard work WILL pay off. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

Don't enable. Poor kid is having a meltdown because she was given poor guidance. Mom wants to change the system because things didn't work out for THEM.

And what would you have done differently/ Sounds like the mom was trying to set expectations and as others have noted, kids handle rejection very differently.
OP - my kid sounds very similar. Was rejected from her ED 2 years ago. She was extremely upset and we were very worried but after a couple days. she bounced right back and found some other schools. She is having a good experience at her current school. Just follow her lead and give her time to absorb the news. And it is possible the meltdown with the counselor means she got the anxiety out of her system so she can take any bad news a little better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP - don’t listen to the criticism. Kids are built differently and it sounds like yours is very competitive and has worked very hard. They will end up in a great school that is the right place for them! Whether the RD works out or not, trust that everything will be ok in the end. The hard work WILL pay off. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

Don't enable. Poor kid is having a meltdown because she was given poor guidance. Mom wants to change the system because things didn't work out for THEM.

This is not necessarily true. I have kids who handle stress very differently because they are built differently. This mom-shaming is horrible and ill-placed.

No issue with the student's reaction as long it doesnt become debilitating. During this process, parents are supposed to the shoulder to cry on/the rock.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is an ED issue. Yes, she would be very bummed RD, but she'd have other schools sending news simultaneously. She'd be able to pivot much more quickly. ED rejections make kids wallow in the disappointment for months.

Nah. So many schools have EA now that many kids are getting multiple decisions in December. My kid got two acceptances the week after his ED rejection last year.

Also…rejection is hard, but it’s part of life. You’re not always going to have a distraction from your disappointment, so figuring out how to manage it is a critical life skill.

I told my kid last year when he was rejected from his ED that I was so proud of him for trying, even though it was a long shot. I hope OP can find a similar sentiment to share with her kid if she gets disappointing news.

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP - don’t listen to the criticism. Kids are built differently and it sounds like yours is very competitive and has worked very hard. They will end up in a great school that is the right place for them! Whether the RD works out or not, trust that everything will be ok in the end. The hard work WILL pay off. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

It's not mean to point out that this is not an ED issue.

You are correct and I agree. That is not an accurate synopsis of the comments I’m referring to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP - don’t listen to the criticism. Kids are built differently and it sounds like yours is very competitive and has worked very hard. They will end up in a great school that is the right place for them! Whether the RD works out or not, trust that everything will be ok in the end. The hard work WILL pay off. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

Don't enable. Poor kid is having a meltdown because she was given poor guidance. Mom wants to change the system because things didn't work out for THEM.

This is not necessarily true. I have kids who handle stress very differently because they are built differently. This mom-shaming is horrible and ill-placed.

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP - don’t listen to the criticism. Kids are built differently and it sounds like yours is very competitive and has worked very hard. They will end up in a great school that is the right place for them! Whether the RD works out or not, trust that everything will be ok in the end. The hard work WILL pay off. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

Don't enable. Poor kid is having a meltdown because she was given poor guidance. Mom wants to change the system because things didn't work out for THEM.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is an ED issue. Yes, she would be very bummed RD, but she'd have other schools sending news simultaneously. She'd be able to pivot much more quickly. ED rejections make kids wallow in the disappointment for months.

Nah. So many schools have EA now that many kids are getting multiple decisions in December. My kid got two acceptances the week after his ED rejection last year.

Also…rejection is hard, but it’s part of life. You’re not always going to have a distraction from your disappointment, so figuring out how to manage it is a critical life skill.

I told my kid last year when he was rejected from his ED that I was so proud of him for trying, even though it was a long shot. I hope OP can find a similar sentiment to share with her kid if she gets disappointing news.

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP - don’t listen to the criticism. Kids are built differently and it sounds like yours is very competitive and has worked very hard. They will end up in a great school that is the right place for them! Whether the RD works out or not, trust that everything will be ok in the end. The hard work WILL pay off. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

It's not mean to point out that this is not an ED issue.