Anonymous
12/17/2024 22:48
Subject: Struggling to accept the kid I have...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was catching up with some friends this weekend and they were telling me how busy their 2nd graders are between friends and sports/activities. DD had 2 friends, one seemed to have moved on, and I'm doing what I can to help her keep the other friend. She does no activities, doesn't want to, that's been a huge struggle for us too. She is mean to her brother, mean to us (has her moments when she is very sweet though). She's in therapy but I can't tell if it's helping. She had a birthday party in October with a dozen kids but she has only been invited to one birthday party this year.
It all just makes me sad. Sad for her and sad for us. She says it doesn't make her sad. Weekends are lame for her and us while I run her little brother around.
Anyone else have a kid like this who became socially successful later in life? Or any advice?
It’s hard to hear you talk about your daughter like this. She’s a littl girl in second grade and you seem
to be obsessed with her social standing. Please don’t share your own problems with her. Especially not inmature observations like “lame weekends.” You sound like the mean one.
+100
It’s some kind of weird obsession some parents have with social judgements like this. Some people are loners and it doesn’t make them less successful or mean that they have a mental illness. I hope mom never conveys her feelings about this to her kid. I suspect that the OP’s personal neediness has led her to quiz her child for indications of loneliness or struggles. Jesus.
Anonymous
12/17/2024 20:31
Subject: Struggling to accept the kid I have...
Kid sounds find and socially fine. Everyone doesn’t need a whole host of friends. Some prefer smaller groups. Find your own friends.
Anonymous
12/16/2024 19:29
Subject: Struggling to accept the kid I have...
One possibility to consider is that DD might be strongly introverted. That can cause significant social anxiety and awkwardness. I would suggest that OP read the book “Quiet” and see if that is part of the puzzle.
If it merely is strong introversion, that would still be in the normal range, but it is less common than other personalities. If that is the case, pharmaceutical treatment might not be sensible. Such people often are naturally home bodies. They often have just 1 or 2 friends they feel comfortable with. They usually can benefit from social skills classes and from therapy to help them be more comfortable expressing themselves with words in unfamiliar groups of people.
It is a possibility, only OP could say if it applies to her DD.
If it merely is strong introversion, that would still be in the normal range, but it is less common than other personalities. If that is the case, pharmaceutical treatment might not be sensible. Such people often are naturally home bodies. They often have just 1 or 2 friends they feel comfortable with. They usually can benefit from social skills classes and from therapy to help them be more comfortable expressing themselves with words in unfamiliar groups of people.
It is a possibility, only OP could say if it applies to her DD.
Anonymous
12/16/2024 19:13
Subject: Struggling to accept the kid I have...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldnt worry about friends. But I would force some extracurricular activities. She’ll meet new kids and find some hobbies she can progress in over the years. Too much time home isn’t a good thing.
How do you force a child who doesn't want to do something, to do something?
You can’t. She’ll eventually find things she enjoys doing. The worst thing you can do is wish she was like the other girls. Maybe you can get therapy to help you accept her as she is, which sounds like a typical kid.
My daughter had a best friend in first grade. Only her and she was happy. Her friend moved in second grade. In third grade during Covid we moved and she had no friends. We traveled, visited her cousins, rented Airbnb houses and went to beaches, pretty much anything that might be open. She got a friend in 4th and now 7th grade she has about five close friends and she’s happy.
It’s not so unusual for young children to prefer being at home with their family. It will change.