Anonymous
Post 12/21/2024 11:18     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do not get him private lessons at 8! This is rec basketball and he’s a beginner. Hes fine. Let him play and have fun. No one cares. Soon anyone serious will go to more competitive teams. There is plenty of time for private lessons when he’s older if he asks for them.


I disagree. Think about it - DH was good enough to play D1 basketball (but played a different sport that gave him scholarship money). We have a basketball hoop in the driveway, and he loves to go out and shoot hoops for stress relief. The kids often join him, and he corrects their form. How is another kid who loves the game but whose parents never played going to look on a team of kids like ours? The odds are completely stacked against them. If money is no issue and you can find someone who connects with your kid, why not give them lessons? My neighbor hired a high school tennis player to hit balls with her 8-year-old. It's going great, and she now has a mentor.


Jesus Christ, lady. Shooting hoops in the driveway with your Dad (even if he is good at basketball) is not remotely the same as paying someone to coach your small child. Presumably playing with Dad is a high-fun, low-pressure situation. And the kids can just go inside if Dad starts taking it too seriously and being a d!ck.


Why are you on this board calling people "lady" in this context? You and your misogyny don't belong here.


I apologize. I didn’t realize that “lady” is now considered a pejorative. My mistake, sweetheart.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 12:15     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
My kid was the worst on his basketball team from 2nd through 4th grade, but insisted on playing. We didn’t get it, and honestly it was kinda hard to watch. But - nobody was mean to him, and he liked his teammates, so it was fun for him. In 4th grade, his rec coach(who was a former high school coach and trainer coaching his own kids on the rec team) somehow really connected with my kid and invited him to workouts with his (coach’s) kids. A few weekend workouts with that dad were transformational for DS’s game, and I think for his self image and confidence. By high school he was playing on very good AAU and HS teams. Along the way, the coaches and trainers he met became mentors and people he was very close to.

As long as the kid drives it, getting a trainer can be great.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 12:08     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anonymous wrote:Anyone who says an 8YO is dragging down a team has lost sight of the purpose of youth sports.


Not OP and my 8 year old absolutely makes her team worse. But she's still having fun and her coaches roll with it and most of her teammates don't mind (and the ones who do will be able to go to more competitive teams soon enough anyway).
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 12:06     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anyone who says an 8YO is dragging down a team has lost sight of the purpose of youth sports.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 11:47     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do not get him private lessons at 8! This is rec basketball and he’s a beginner. Hes fine. Let him play and have fun. No one cares. Soon anyone serious will go to more competitive teams. There is plenty of time for private lessons when he’s older if he asks for them.


I disagree. Think about it - DH was good enough to play D1 basketball (but played a different sport that gave him scholarship money). We have a basketball hoop in the driveway, and he loves to go out and shoot hoops for stress relief. The kids often join him, and he corrects their form. How is another kid who loves the game but whose parents never played going to look on a team of kids like ours? The odds are completely stacked against them. If money is no issue and you can find someone who connects with your kid, why not give them lessons? My neighbor hired a high school tennis player to hit balls with her 8-year-old. It's going great, and she now has a mentor.


Jesus Christ, lady. Shooting hoops in the driveway with your Dad (even if he is good at basketball) is not remotely the same as paying someone to coach your small child. Presumably playing with Dad is a high-fun, low-pressure situation. And the kids can just go inside if Dad starts taking it too seriously and being a d!ck.


Why are you on this board calling people "lady" in this context? You and your misogyny don't belong here.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 11:40     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do not get him private lessons at 8! This is rec basketball and he’s a beginner. Hes fine. Let him play and have fun. No one cares. Soon anyone serious will go to more competitive teams. There is plenty of time for private lessons when he’s older if he asks for them.


I disagree. Think about it - DH was good enough to play D1 basketball (but played a different sport that gave him scholarship money). We have a basketball hoop in the driveway, and he loves to go out and shoot hoops for stress relief. The kids often join him, and he corrects their form. How is another kid who loves the game but whose parents never played going to look on a team of kids like ours? The odds are completely stacked against them. If money is no issue and you can find someone who connects with your kid, why not give them lessons? My neighbor hired a high school tennis player to hit balls with her 8-year-old. It's going great, and she now has a mentor.


Jesus Christ, lady. Shooting hoops in the driveway with your Dad (even if he is good at basketball) is not remotely the same as paying someone to coach your small child. Presumably playing with Dad is a high-fun, low-pressure situation. And the kids can just go inside if Dad starts taking it too seriously and being a d!ck.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 11:39     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're living too much through his sports adventure. It's your kid's journey. Most of the other kids don't really mind and through enough time and practice, your kid will find their exact placement on the team.
Just keep telling your kid how much you love witching them play. Reward effort and not outcome. Keep praising their efforts on the court.


He’s not living too much though it at all. Those are the people whose kid has three different private coaches and traveling hours to be on the best team thinking her kid is gifted.

He’s got legitimate questions. My daughter is 12 and plays recreationally and takes drills and skills programs as well as camps. She has zero aggression and in the off chance that she gets the ball she passes it quickly. She’s still on a team with ball hogs so she can go a whole game with touching the ball once. I understand what he means.


DP and I agree there's nothing wrong with giving a kid who plays recreationally a chance to be good. If your kid enjoys it and wants to put in some work but isn't a world beater, they still can get a ton of benefits! They see the value of practicing and getting better at something. They enjoy it more. They contribute to a team and learn the meaning of being a team player.

Lessons aren't just for the future D1 stars. They're for the kids who care whose parents have time and money. There shouldn't be anything wrong with it, as long as the kid is the one driving the lessons. My kids who do lessons are 12 and 10 and love their (rec and bridge-tyep-team) sport.

I do question, however, if the 8 year old wants that. That's the real issue.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 11:17     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do not get him private lessons at 8! This is rec basketball and he’s a beginner. Hes fine. Let him play and have fun. No one cares. Soon anyone serious will go to more competitive teams. There is plenty of time for private lessons when he’s older if he asks for them.


I disagree. Think about it - DH was good enough to play D1 basketball (but played a different sport that gave him scholarship money). We have a basketball hoop in the driveway, and he loves to go out and shoot hoops for stress relief. The kids often join him, and he corrects their form. How is another kid who loves the game but whose parents never played going to look on a team of kids like ours? The odds are completely stacked against them. If money is no issue and you can find someone who connects with your kid, why not give them lessons? My neighbor hired a high school tennis player to hit balls with her 8-year-old. It's going great, and she now has a mentor.



On the lessons vs. no lessons at 8 - the quality of coaching in rec varies a lot. Maybe you have a good coach who's willing to spend sometime growing everyone's skills and makes sure the ball is spread out - that was our experience our first year in rec when our oldest was 8. The next year, the coach mostly paid attention to the better players. Neither my wife nor I are casual b-ball players so there's that. In contrast, he started swimming at around 7 and has been surrounded with good coaching and I was able to give him pointers. Fast forward now, he's no b-ball standout, but he's able to hold is own in the neighborhood and at school in pickup games and enjoys playing. So maybe things could've evolved differently had someone helped him a long with some basic pointers.

If you want to get your kid lessons, go for it. I do think there's a correlation between being good at an activity/enjoying that activity. At least for swimming, it's important to get the technical foundations down at an early age.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 10:53     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anonymous wrote:Do not get him private lessons at 8! This is rec basketball and he’s a beginner. Hes fine. Let him play and have fun. No one cares. Soon anyone serious will go to more competitive teams. There is plenty of time for private lessons when he’s older if he asks for them.


I disagree. Think about it - DH was good enough to play D1 basketball (but played a different sport that gave him scholarship money). We have a basketball hoop in the driveway, and he loves to go out and shoot hoops for stress relief. The kids often join him, and he corrects their form. How is another kid who loves the game but whose parents never played going to look on a team of kids like ours? The odds are completely stacked against them. If money is no issue and you can find someone who connects with your kid, why not give them lessons? My neighbor hired a high school tennis player to hit balls with her 8-year-old. It's going great, and she now has a mentor.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2024 10:38     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anonymous wrote:My 8 yo just started basketball and he’s the worst on the team. But he’s making a lot of progress. He’s tall so that helps a bit but he’s not aggressive and occasionally loses his man and misses most passes. We struggle with practicing at home because he is pretty oppositional/meltdown/ocd with us (but not with coaches.).

I feel a bit guilty about dragging down the team, and wonder if the kids will start resenting him too much. He doesn’t seem to be aware of that yet. Almost all of the kids have obviously been playing for a couple years.

Maybe try a couple private lessons to see if he can catch up more? Or just pull the plug and accept he’s not a sporty kid?


My dude.
Please learn from my mistakes.
My kids was pretty good at baseball but my insistence that he be "good" at the age of 8 turned him from a kid that saw baseball as fun into a kid that saw baseball as work.
Right now (until your kid is at least 10 but probably 12), focus on making sure he is having fun.
That will drive him to improve.
Then figure out what you want to do at that point.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2024 00:33     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anonymous wrote:You're living too much through his sports adventure. It's your kid's journey. Most of the other kids don't really mind and through enough time and practice, your kid will find their exact placement on the team.
Just keep telling your kid how much you love witching them play. Reward effort and not outcome. Keep praising their efforts on the court.


He’s not living too much though it at all. Those are the people whose kid has three different private coaches and traveling hours to be on the best team thinking her kid is gifted.

He’s got legitimate questions. My daughter is 12 and plays recreationally and takes drills and skills programs as well as camps. She has zero aggression and in the off chance that she gets the ball she passes it quickly. She’s still on a team with ball hogs so she can go a whole game with touching the ball once. I understand what he means.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2024 20:33     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Do not get him private lessons at 8! This is rec basketball and he’s a beginner. Hes fine. Let him play and have fun. No one cares. Soon anyone serious will go to more competitive teams. There is plenty of time for private lessons when he’s older if he asks for them.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2024 17:46     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
Anonymous wrote:OP, do not pull the plug and decide at 8 that he is "not sporty". I thought the same about my oldest as he spent time being the worst on the team for several sports until around age 9 or 10 (and he started earlier than your kid). Then suddenly he became confident and more aggressive. He was a middle level player until he found his dream sport in middle school, which he now plays in college.

I think what helped him was keeping at it, and also playing with my husband in the yard. Literally playing, not some weird dad drill with dad making things not fun, though he would give pointers if my kid asked.

I spent a lot of time telling myself that my child had secretly inherited my husband's sportiness, because I myself was uncoordinated and not sporty. Then recently, at age 53, I started to get serious about my own fitness beyond walking and yoga videos, and discovered that I actually have the potential for way more strength and coordination than I ever dreamed of. Not interested in taking up any sports now, but I realize I gave up on all that stuff too quickly when I was young.

Sports should belong to everyone. Encourage your kid to keep at it, and, if the other kids are mean, find a group with a better vibe.


What sport for your son?
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2024 17:01     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
OP, do not pull the plug and decide at 8 that he is "not sporty". I thought the same about my oldest as he spent time being the worst on the team for several sports until around age 9 or 10 (and he started earlier than your kid). Then suddenly he became confident and more aggressive. He was a middle level player until he found his dream sport in middle school, which he now plays in college.

I think what helped him was keeping at it, and also playing with my husband in the yard. Literally playing, not some weird dad drill with dad making things not fun, though he would give pointers if my kid asked.

I spent a lot of time telling myself that my child had secretly inherited my husband's sportiness, because I myself was uncoordinated and not sporty. Then recently, at age 53, I started to get serious about my own fitness beyond walking and yoga videos, and discovered that I actually have the potential for way more strength and coordination than I ever dreamed of. Not interested in taking up any sports now, but I realize I gave up on all that stuff too quickly when I was young.

Sports should belong to everyone. Encourage your kid to keep at it, and, if the other kids are mean, find a group with a better vibe.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2024 16:38     Subject: When your kid is the worst on the team
I don't think getting him some lessons is a terrible idea if neither you nor your husband plays. I know some parents will shame you for putting such a young kid in lessons, but those are often the parents who played themselves and can help their kids. If you didn't play, the deck is stacked against your kid. We found this out in a different sport and got our kid lessons, which made a huge difference. I learned from experience not to share this information with other parents on our kid's team because they held it against us.