Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.

I think it's a bit unfair that you assume this is about keeping the kids from the other spouse. Other spouse works and commutes. Someone needs to be with the kids during their waking hours. Once someone said that's not enough weekend time I agreed. FWIW this is the schedule that communing spouse proposed.

I don't think OP is trying to keep them from him exactly, but I do think she's trying to maximize what she gets and it necessarily comes out of his time. Almost the same thing.

But commuting spouse proposed this! So it’s not coming from “his” time. If anything he’s overrelying on HER time to do childcare for him.

Did you write this, OP? It's helpful if you identify yourself so people can tell what's coming from you.

It seems OP says there's no acrimony but how could that be true if he's leaving her and basically ditching the kids as well?

This is OP and no I didn't write that. Spouse has proposed this schedule because they want to see the kids everyday and I want them to as well. I think it's in the kids best interests.

Well, maybe it is maybe it isn't. They have very little waking time with their father. You need to consider the quantity of time, not just whether it happens every day. They have a lot of transitions-- some kids are fine with that and some are not. Sometimes what the parents want is not in the kids' best interests, it's actually just what the parents want.

Also, you need to be really careful you're not being a pushover for whatever he states is in their best interests. If he wanted more time with them he could get a more flexible job, right? Don't be the only one who's making compromises here! Don't act like you're still his wife, because you aren't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.

I think it's a bit unfair that you assume this is about keeping the kids from the other spouse. Other spouse works and commutes. Someone needs to be with the kids during their waking hours. Once someone said that's not enough weekend time I agreed. FWIW this is the schedule that communing spouse proposed.

I don't think OP is trying to keep them from him exactly, but I do think she's trying to maximize what she gets and it necessarily comes out of his time. Almost the same thing.

But commuting spouse proposed this! So it’s not coming from “his” time. If anything he’s overrelying on HER time to do childcare for him.

Did you write this, OP? It's helpful if you identify yourself so people can tell what's coming from you.

It seems OP says there's no acrimony but how could that be true if he's leaving her and basically ditching the kids as well?

This is OP and no I didn't write that. Spouse has proposed this schedule because they want to see the kids everyday and I want them to as well. I think it's in the kids best interests.

But do you really want to schlep the kids around constantly like that? I think based on what you say it seem more stable for commuting spouse to just come see the kids at your house and have them 2 full nights/week. This requires you to have an open door at your house to him, so you’d have to be OK with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.

I think it's a bit unfair that you assume this is about keeping the kids from the other spouse. Other spouse works and commutes. Someone needs to be with the kids during their waking hours. Once someone said that's not enough weekend time I agreed. FWIW this is the schedule that communing spouse proposed.

I don't think OP is trying to keep them from him exactly, but I do think she's trying to maximize what she gets and it necessarily comes out of his time. Almost the same thing.

But commuting spouse proposed this! So it’s not coming from “his” time. If anything he’s overrelying on HER time to do childcare for him.

Did you write this, OP? It's helpful if you identify yourself so people can tell what's coming from you.

It seems OP says there's no acrimony but how could that be true if he's leaving her and basically ditching the kids as well?

This is OP and no I didn't write that. Spouse has proposed this schedule because they want to see the kids everyday and I want them to as well. I think it's in the kids best interests.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.

I think it's a bit unfair that you assume this is about keeping the kids from the other spouse. Other spouse works and commutes. Someone needs to be with the kids during their waking hours. Once someone said that's not enough weekend time I agreed. FWIW this is the schedule that communing spouse proposed.

I don't think OP is trying to keep them from him exactly, but I do think she's trying to maximize what she gets and it necessarily comes out of his time. Almost the same thing.

But commuting spouse proposed this! So it’s not coming from “his” time. If anything he’s overrelying on HER time to do childcare for him.

Did you write this, OP? It's helpful if you identify yourself so people can tell what's coming from you.

It seems OP says there's no acrimony but how could that be true if he's leaving her and basically ditching the kids as well?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.

I think it's a bit unfair that you assume this is about keeping the kids from the other spouse. Other spouse works and commutes. Someone needs to be with the kids during their waking hours. Once someone said that's not enough weekend time I agreed. FWIW this is the schedule that communing spouse proposed.

I don't think OP is trying to keep them from him exactly, but I do think she's trying to maximize what she gets and it necessarily comes out of his time. Almost the same thing.

But commuting spouse proposed this! So it’s not coming from “his” time. If anything he’s overrelying on HER time to do childcare for him.

Where does it say who proposed it?

Maybe he's a crap dad who wants to leave his wife and spend hardly any time with the kids, but he thinks having them overnight will reduce his child support?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.

I think it's a bit unfair that you assume this is about keeping the kids from the other spouse. Other spouse works and commutes. Someone needs to be with the kids during their waking hours. Once someone said that's not enough weekend time I agreed. FWIW this is the schedule that communing spouse proposed.

I don't think OP is trying to keep them from him exactly, but I do think she's trying to maximize what she gets and it necessarily comes out of his time. Almost the same thing.

But commuting spouse proposed this! So it’s not coming from “his” time. If anything he’s overrelying on HER time to do childcare for him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.

I think it's a bit unfair that you assume this is about keeping the kids from the other spouse. Other spouse works and commutes. Someone needs to be with the kids during their waking hours. Once someone said that's not enough weekend time I agreed. FWIW this is the schedule that communing spouse proposed.

I don't think OP is trying to keep them from him exactly, but I do think she's trying to maximize what she gets and it necessarily comes out of his time. Almost the same thing.

Being fixated on “his time” and “her time” is not the right way to figure out what’s best for the kids. It may indeed end up that a more traditional arrangement is better with clearer boundaries, but it’s not a foregone conclusion. Flexibility is always going to be better for the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

Well, it doesn’t necessarily have to be 50-50 but it can be more clear-cut. The WFH parent (who sounds like has been the default parent) could get 5 nights/week and the commuting parent can get 2 nights a week. Commuting parent can come see kids at will and also get first dibs on additional vacation/summer time. WFH parent would get corresponding level of child support. I personally think this is better for kids than a strict 50-50.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.

I think it's a bit unfair that you assume this is about keeping the kids from the other spouse. Other spouse works and commutes. Someone needs to be with the kids during their waking hours. Once someone said that's not enough weekend time I agreed. FWIW this is the schedule that communing spouse proposed.

I don't think OP is trying to keep them from him exactly, but I do think she's trying to maximize what she gets and it necessarily comes out of his time. Almost the same thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.

I think it's a bit unfair that you assume this is about keeping the kids from the other spouse. Other spouse works and commutes. Someone needs to be with the kids during their waking hours. Once someone said that's not enough weekend time I agreed. FWIW this is the schedule that communing spouse proposed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.

Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.

WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids under six, get your sh%t together and work it out.

Unfortunately you cannot force someone to stay married to you. Thanks for the helpful advice though.

You have three kids under six, get your sh%t together and work it out.