He shouldn’t be riding the fence here. What would happen if you asked him to cut all contact with her? A one time conversation that their communication with each other is really not appropriate any longer (it’s been SIX years). The kids are old enough to call on their own.

Maybe your boyfriend is a simply a nice guy and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I think the former girlfriend still has some feelings for him. If you are serious about the boyfriend, I think you can make some demands. The downside is you don’t really know how he will react, but wouldn’t you rather know now vs a year from now?

Anonymous wrote:Why would a guy waste their time and effort on an ex that he has not kids with. Very odd, most guys are too busy for that stuff wtf

He really doesn't initiate the contact with her, but she reaches out here and there with texts or invitations to meet up for lunch etc. They don't live close so it's not like they are able to meet constantly and he has declined a most recent invitation. But he is close to her young adult kids because he was a major presence in their lives for many years. Before he met me, he had more casual contact with her, but it lessened when he moved and then met me. I am starting to think that perhaps I am making a bigger out of this than it should be, but I can't help what I am feeling either.

Anonymous wrote:This would be a deal breaker if my bf continued allowing his exgf to call and text and him responding. I am also someone who cuts of communication with exs because nothing good comes of it. Hope things work out OP!

Thank you! I am really trying to be rational and understand his situation and the reason why the contact remains. It isn't constant and perhaps I will just see how things develop for a while. I can't help how I feel about it. He keeps asking me to tell him what he can do. I feel that there really isn't an easy solution that wouldn't hurt someone in the long run.

Why would a guy waste their time and effort on an ex that he has not kids with. Very odd, most guys are too busy for that stuff wtf

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. This happened to me. The problem is he won’t let go. It’s an emotional affair possibly physical affair.
I’m sorry to say this, but you have to get out of this relationship. And don’t say “ choose” or he will choose her.

It is not an emotional or physical affair at all. He shows me the messages and he is not physically attracted to her (for many reasons that I don't want to elaborate here...). We have a good intimate life. I'm not really concerned about this at all, but I just wish that she'd move on with her own life as well. They do not live close (7 hours away).

Why does he live 7 hours away from his own teenage kids?

Exactly. I was going to respond with something similar. Does that mean he only sees his own teenage kids a few times a year? If so, that would give me pause way more than the ex. It also just seems very messy and complicated. Leave it all in the past if you ask me.

I was coming to say this. That's an enormous red flag, far bigger and redder than meeting up with someone who was in his life for a long time, and whose kids are friends with his kids.

They are both in college now. This is why he now.lives further away.

This would be a deal breaker if my bf continued allowing his exgf to call and text and him responding. I am also someone who cuts of communication with exs because nothing good comes of it. Hope things work out OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. This happened to me. The problem is he won’t let go. It’s an emotional affair possibly physical affair.
I’m sorry to say this, but you have to get out of this relationship. And don’t say “ choose” or he will choose her.

It is not an emotional or physical affair at all. He shows me the messages and he is not physically attracted to her (for many reasons that I don't want to elaborate here...). We have a good intimate life. I'm not really concerned about this at all, but I just wish that she'd move on with her own life as well. They do not live close (7 hours away).

Why does he live 7 hours away from his own teenage kids?

Exactly. I was going to respond with something similar. Does that mean he only sees his own teenage kids a few times a year? If so, that would give me pause way more than the ex. It also just seems very messy and complicated. Leave it all in the past if you ask me.

I was coming to say this. That's an enormous red flag, far bigger and redder than meeting up with someone who was in his life for a long time, and whose kids are friends with his kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. This happened to me. The problem is he won’t let go. It’s an emotional affair possibly physical affair.
I’m sorry to say this, but you have to get out of this relationship. And don’t say “ choose” or he will choose her.

It is not an emotional or physical affair at all. He shows me the messages and he is not physically attracted to her (for many reasons that I don't want to elaborate here...). We have a good intimate life. I'm not really concerned about this at all, but I just wish that she'd move on with her own life as well. They do not live close (7 hours away).

Why does he live 7 hours away from his own teenage kids?

Exactly. I was going to respond with something similar. Does that mean he only sees his own teenage kids a few times a year? If so, that would give me pause way more than the ex. It also just seems very messy and complicated. Leave it all in the past if you ask me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. This happened to me. The problem is he won’t let go. It’s an emotional affair possibly physical affair.
I’m sorry to say this, but you have to get out of this relationship. And don’t say “ choose” or he will choose her.

It is not an emotional or physical affair at all. He shows me the messages and he is not physically attracted to her (for many reasons that I don't want to elaborate here...). We have a good intimate life. I'm not really concerned about this at all, but I just wish that she'd move on with her own life as well. They do not live close (7 hours away).

Why does he live 7 hours away from his own teenage kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. This happened to me. The problem is he won’t let go. It’s an emotional affair possibly physical affair.
I’m sorry to say this, but you have to get out of this relationship. And don’t say “ choose” or he will choose her.

It is not an emotional or physical affair at all. He shows me the messages and he is not physically attracted to her (for many reasons that I don't want to elaborate here...). We have a good intimate life. I'm not really concerned about this at all, but I just wish that she'd move on with her own life as well. They do not live close (7 hours away).

So unconcerned that you started a thread about it and are responding to basically every post? lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. This happened to me. The problem is he won’t let go. It’s an emotional affair possibly physical affair.
I’m sorry to say this, but you have to get out of this relationship. And don’t say “ choose” or he will choose her.

It is not an emotional or physical affair at all. He shows me the messages and he is not physically attracted to her (for many reasons that I don't want to elaborate here...). We have a good intimate life. I'm not really concerned about this at all, but I just wish that she'd move on with her own life as well. They do not live close (7 hours away).

What exactly is your problem here? This doesn't seem to truly impact your life in any way. Is it simply that he used to put his dick in her, and you don't like to be reminded of that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. This happened to me. The problem is he won’t let go. It’s an emotional affair possibly physical affair.
I’m sorry to say this, but you have to get out of this relationship. And don’t say “ choose” or he will choose her.

It is not an emotional or physical affair at all. He shows me the messages and he is not physically attracted to her (for many reasons that I don't want to elaborate here...). We have a good intimate life. I'm not really concerned about this at all, but I just wish that she'd move on with her own life as well. They do not live close (7 hours away).

I used to say the same thing. She was 7 hrs away, too, I saw the messages, etc. but found out truth later.
I was just trying to warn you.

I understand and I appreciate the warning. I definitely have my eyes open.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. This happened to me. The problem is he won’t let go. It’s an emotional affair possibly physical affair.
I’m sorry to say this, but you have to get out of this relationship. And don’t say “ choose” or he will choose her.

It is not an emotional or physical affair at all. He shows me the messages and he is not physically attracted to her (for many reasons that I don't want to elaborate here...). We have a good intimate life. I'm not really concerned about this at all, but I just wish that she'd move on with her own life as well. They do not live close (7 hours away).

I used to say the same thing. She was 7 hrs away, too, I saw the messages, etc. but found out truth later.
I was just trying to warn you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would be wary of how he treats you in the future based on how he is apparently treating her. What he’s doing to her, he’ll do to you. “She’s lonely”, “I’m only close to her because of her adult kids”; blah blah blah—famous last words from a man who likes having multiple women in his life.

One day he’ll spill all your business and speak poorly of you to the next woman too. Seriously, you know that she was going through menoupause and lost her sex drive? TMI, none of your business, little respect for her privacy. Yikes.

You have a point and I thought about this. And yes, I don't know for sure, but she's much older (late 50's) so going through menopause is not out of the question and many women lack libido afterward.

It’s not that it’s a point that’s out of the question. The issue is that this is personal to the ex-GF. He shouldn’t be telling you this.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would be wary of how he treats you in the future based on how he is apparently treating her. What he’s doing to her, he’ll do to you. “She’s lonely”, “I’m only close to her because of her adult kids”; blah blah blah—famous last words from a man who likes having multiple women in his life.

One day he’ll spill all your business and speak poorly of you to the next woman too. Seriously, you know that she was going through menoupause and lost her sex drive? TMI, none of your business, little respect for her privacy. Yikes.

+1. This feels way too boundary-less for my taste and would give me pause too on how he might think it is okay to speak of me.