Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. They want to bang and don’t want to commit. Since they are helping you, then they might expect retribution.

On the other hand, it might be they feel they are being seduced for long term.

Not getting it: so if I show them kindness and independence by not using their time and resources they think I wouldn’t be banging them?

I think pp used the word “retribution” when she meant “reciprocation.” As in, they expect you to put out since they did something for you.

OP here: I just enjoy being nice to men, just as much as I enjoy treating me. I told him I would want us to have sex (after std testing), and he was fairly certain I would follow through without him loaning me his car or an apartment to stay, or whatever. The point is he lost interest once he realized it was promised ....or maybe his std panel didn't clear. I'm still puzzled but it did happen before when they flake once I warm down to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an attractive, kind and nice woman (deep in my heart, so I feel uncomfortable not to be reciprocal or accepting favors without giving back). I noticed that when I "use" the guy as a working horse - always ask him to do things for me, task with errands, decline dates that are not posh enough, and otherwise make him "serve" my interests they gets more and more attached. When I treat men nicely (invite over to my place to cook dinner, reciprocate with inviting them for dates etc), they quickly dump me. Like, within 2-3 weeks. But if I remain "mean", they continue "serving".

Did anyone else notice this phenomenon? Or am I a bad picker?

Wonder if you're not a bad picker so much as treating higher quality men better than the worse men. The worse men are competing and the good men are moving on no matter what you do because they have options. You may instinctively be separating the men and treating them differently.

In my younger days, I rarely dated a woman for more than 3 weeks because I'd gotten what I wanted and was ready for another.

I don’t treat men differently simply because I go out past date 3 with the very few men whom I perceive as “high quality” for me. Not sure what that means but these are men I’m attracted physically to, we are at least same intellectual level and lifestyle. That would be 2-3 guys in a year. I don’t sleep with anyone until after a month or two so maybe it’s the opposite: they move on to a lady that jumped him quicker…
I don’t know, I just date the way I’m comfortable

If you aren’t putting out for two months, most men will move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. They want to bang and don’t want to commit. Since they are helping you, then they might expect retribution.

On the other hand, it might be they feel they are being seduced for long term.

Not getting it: so if I show them kindness and independence by not using their time and resources they think I wouldn’t be banging them?

I think pp used the word “retribution” when she meant “reciprocation.” As in, they expect you to put out since they did something for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They like the thrill of the chase and being needed (goes to your “serving you” question).

Doormats are boring, and usually dead fish in bed.

But men like being taken care of too. It’s a balance.

I guess some would consider me mean. I don’t think I am but I’m not a doormat and have been described as Type A. I have a good career and take care of myself the best I can. 🤷‍♀️

OP here: I also have a good career, was told I'm a sex bomb in bed, and take care of myself working out 15 hrs/week. I'm fit and have a great body, long hair and pretty face. But often it doesn't even get to sex when I start reciprocating (after about a month of dating or so).
Maybe men I like also date multiple women and they get them to bed sooner, which could be another explanation. I dated exclusively very high achieving tall fit guys so I would think many women are also after them.
A friend of mine jumps into bed on date 2 with all guys who own homes, cars and are fit; she says "grab them while it's possible". I don't do it, being protective of my emotional and physical health.

This is far more common than women may want to admit

Yes, this guy was loaded (for most women, not for me though). I'm more loaded than him and can afford to wait and seek more partnership based healthy connections. I'm not all that certain that a man who quickly jumps in beds, or falls into women and falls out fast when they reciprocate would be a good lifetime partner for me

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They like the thrill of the chase and being needed (goes to your “serving you” question).

Doormats are boring, and usually dead fish in bed.

But men like being taken care of too. It’s a balance.

I guess some would consider me mean. I don’t think I am but I’m not a doormat and have been described as Type A. I have a good career and take care of myself the best I can. 🤷‍♀️

OP here: I also have a good career, was told I'm a sex bomb in bed, and take care of myself working out 15 hrs/week. I'm fit and have a great body, long hair and pretty face. But often it doesn't even get to sex when I start reciprocating (after about a month of dating or so).
Maybe men I like also date multiple women and they get them to bed sooner, which could be another explanation. I dated exclusively very high achieving tall fit guys so I would think many women are also after them.
A friend of mine jumps into bed on date 2 with all guys who own homes, cars and are fit; she says "grab them while it's possible". I don't do it, being protective of my emotional and physical health.

This is far more common than women may want to admit

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think most men like mean women. We can smell these creatures a mile away and run the other way.

That’s what men say, but in reality they are attracted to psycho women who use them in different ways.

I don't think thats necessarily the full story. Women are naturally more adept at manipulating men. We men are naturally predisposed to fall for charming women. And women know how to use their charm to attract men. But that's where it ends. Mean women quicky show their true faces and most men unless very desperate out of fear of being alone move away from these women

F#%* your misogyny

He is 1000% correct lol.

Anonymous wrote:They like the thrill of the chase and being needed (goes to your “serving you” question).

Doormats are boring, and usually dead fish in bed.

But men like being taken care of too. It’s a balance.

I guess some would consider me mean. I don’t think I am but I’m not a doormat and have been described as Type A. I have a good career and take care of myself the best I can. 🤷‍♀️

OP here: I also have a good career, was told I'm a sex bomb in bed, and take care of myself working out 15 hrs/week. I'm fit and have a great body, long hair and pretty face. But often it doesn't even get to sex when I start reciprocating (after about a month of dating or so).
Maybe men I like also date multiple women and they get them to bed sooner, which could be another explanation. I dated exclusively very high achieving tall fit guys so I would think many women are also after them.
A friend of mine jumps into bed on date 2 with all guys who own homes, cars and are fit; she says "grab them while it's possible". I don't do it, being protective of my emotional and physical health.

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it's a proper randomized experiment?

Are you being nice to the hot guys and demanding to ugly guys?

Or nice to the guys who are demanding toward you, and demanding to the guys who are nice toward you?

OP here - nope, I'm the same/decent person with all men I ever dated. I only date the men I consider hot for me. The last man was not conventionally attractive, but I was attracted to him as he seemed to have qualities I needed in a partner and was (initially) making me feel really great. It quickly changed once I began reciprocating.

They like the thrill of the chase and being needed (goes to your “serving you” question).

Doormats are boring, and usually dead fish in bed.

But men like being taken care of too. It’s a balance.

I guess some would consider me mean. I don’t think I am but I’m not a doormat and have been described as Type A. I have a good career and take care of myself the best I can. 🤷‍♀️

Are you sure it's a proper randomized experiment?

Are you being nice to the hot guys and demanding to ugly guys?

Or nice to the guys who are demanding toward you, and demanding to the guys who are nice toward you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do women like men at all, ever?

Sometimes on DCUM it’s hard to tell.

Do men like women at all, ever?

Sure. Just not progressive & neurotic DCUM women.

I am like the men OP describes. Many women I dated are also like that. Many people are especially attracted to people they might not be able to get or might not be able to keep. It's frustrating. Being aware of the tendency helps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think most men like mean women. We can smell these creatures a mile away and run the other way.

That’s what men say, but in reality they are attracted to psycho women who use them in different ways.

I don't think thats necessarily the full story. Women are naturally more adept at manipulating men. We men are naturally predisposed to fall for charming women. And women know how to use their charm to attract men. But that's where it ends. Mean women quicky show their true faces and most men unless very desperate out of fear of being alone move away from these women

F#%* your misogyny

This is not gender based. People like people that they help, more than those who help them; if you do someone a favor, you will (on average) like them more than they like you. Look up “Ben Franklin effect.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do women like men at all, ever?

Sometimes on DCUM it’s hard to tell.

Do men like women at all, ever?

yes, and they don't create an internet board to complain about every.single.f'ing.thing.