Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Known a friend for about a year, It somehow came up when he was in his late twenties his wife died in a car accident. He adopted the daughter out to the wife's sister so she would have a mother. I was simply shocked. I asked didn't he think she needed a dad? Or didn't he foresee him meeting someone at some point? Today the daughter is grown, he doesn't have a relationship with her. I also found out he's been divorced twice. I believe he didn't want to be saddled with a child so he could screw around. He also mentioned he had a vasectomy years ago...
Am I being too judgmental, or is this guy just awful?

Is he from a different culture? In many cultures, it's the norm to give children to a female relative to raiseespecially if the child is a girl.

Nope. The daughter doesn't speak to him obviously resentful of what he did. His family tried to keep in touch with her over the years from what he said. I told him he should try to mend fences, all I got was no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Known a friend for about a year, It somehow came up when he was in his late twenties his wife died in a car accident. He adopted the daughter out to the wife's sister so she would have a mother. I was simply shocked. I asked didn't he think she needed a dad? Or didn't he foresee him meeting someone at some point? Today the daughter is grown, he doesn't have a relationship with her. I also found out he's been divorced twice. I believe he didn't want to be saddled with a child so he could screw around. He also mentioned he had a vasectomy years ago...
Am I being too judgmental, or is this guy just awful?

You are awful. Come back and talk when your wife is dead.

My deceased wife would probably haunt me. Come back when you raise the bar......

+1. My husband would have been very sad, but would have been amazing as a widowed father to our DD. Choose better ladies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Known a friend for about a year, It somehow came up when he was in his late twenties his wife died in a car accident. He adopted the daughter out to the wife's sister so she would have a mother. I was simply shocked. I asked didn't he think she needed a dad? Or didn't he foresee him meeting someone at some point? Today the daughter is grown, he doesn't have a relationship with her. I also found out he's been divorced twice. I believe he didn't want to be saddled with a child so he could screw around. He also mentioned he had a vasectomy years ago...
Am I being too judgmental, or is this guy just awful?

Is he from a different culture? In many cultures, it's the norm to give children to a female relative to raiseespecially if the child is a girl.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Known a friend for about a year, It somehow came up when he was in his late twenties his wife died in a car accident. He adopted the daughter out to the wife's sister so she would have a mother. I was simply shocked. I asked didn't he think she needed a dad? Or didn't he foresee him meeting someone at some point? Today the daughter is grown, he doesn't have a relationship with her. I also found out he's been divorced twice. I believe he didn't want to be saddled with a child so he could screw around. He also mentioned he had a vasectomy years ago...
Am I being too judgmental, or is this guy just awful?

You are awful. Come back and talk when your wife is dead.

My deceased wife would probably haunt me. Come back when you raise the bar......

Anonymous wrote:Known a friend for about a year, It somehow came up when he was in his late twenties his wife died in a car accident. He adopted the daughter out to the wife's sister so she would have a mother. I was simply shocked. I asked didn't he think she needed a dad? Or didn't he foresee him meeting someone at some point? Today the daughter is grown, he doesn't have a relationship with her. I also found out he's been divorced twice. I believe he didn't want to be saddled with a child so he could screw around. He also mentioned he had a vasectomy years ago...
Am I being too judgmental, or is this guy just awful?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a lowlife. dump him

How could he not be bonded to his own child he's had for a year? That's disturbing.

Perhaps in that year he discovered he didn't have the skills to be a good parent. The vasectomy seems consistent with that.

I don't know why anyone would want to force a parent into a situation of caring for a child they're not equipped to deal with. That's terrible for the child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you probably know lots of men like Jim and have no idea. My husband is active duty and I'd say about 25% of the men we know have abandoned children. By abandoned I mean they've made the conscious decision to have no relationship whatsoever to a child or children from a previous relationship. Not a money or time thing.

I should add - all of these men are currently raising children too, but with their current wives. The wives also support their decision to not have a relationship with their other children.

And yeah this happens in DCUM-land/UMC circles, too. You see a loving husband and dad with a happy family and an expensive house and have no idea from the surface (unless you know the family well) he has another child he abandoned. I knew of several families like this growing up in a nice neighborhood.

Or did he cheat, start another family and his previous kids abandon him? That's a different story than a man who wanted to date without being saddled with a toddler.

How would the kids abandon an adult?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you probably know lots of men like Jim and have no idea. My husband is active duty and I'd say about 25% of the men we know have abandoned children. By abandoned I mean they've made the conscious decision to have no relationship whatsoever to a child or children from a previous relationship. Not a money or time thing.

I should add - all of these men are currently raising children too, but with their current wives. The wives also support their decision to not have a relationship with their other children.

And yeah this happens in DCUM-land/UMC circles, too. You see a loving husband and dad with a happy family and an expensive house and have no idea from the surface (unless you know the family well) he has another child he abandoned. I knew of several families like this growing up in a nice neighborhood.

Or did he cheat, start another family and his previous kids abandon him? That's a different story than a man who wanted to date without being saddled with a toddler.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Known a friend for about a year, It somehow came up when he was in his late twenties his wife died in a car accident. He adopted the daughter out to the wife's sister so she would have a mother. I was simply shocked. I asked didn't he think she needed a dad? Or didn't he foresee him meeting someone at some point? Today the daughter is grown, he doesn't have a relationship with her. I also found out he's been divorced twice. I believe he didn't want to be saddled with a child so he could screw around. He also mentioned he had a vasectomy years ago...
Am I being too judgmental, or is this guy just awful?

You are awful. Come back and talk when your wife is dead.

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a woman put her child up for adoption.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you probably know lots of men like Jim and have no idea. My husband is active duty and I'd say about 25% of the men we know have abandoned children. By abandoned I mean they've made the conscious decision to have no relationship whatsoever to a child or children from a previous relationship. Not a money or time thing.

I should add - all of these men are currently raising children too, but with their current wives. The wives also support their decision to not have a relationship with their other children.

And yeah this happens in DCUM-land/UMC circles, too. You see a loving husband and dad with a happy family and an expensive house and have no idea from the surface (unless you know the family well) he has another child he abandoned. I knew of several families like this growing up in a nice neighborhood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you probably know lots of men like Jim and have no idea. My husband is active duty and I'd say about 25% of the men we know have abandoned children. By abandoned I mean they've made the conscious decision to have no relationship whatsoever to a child or children from a previous relationship. Not a money or time thing.

I should add - all of these men are currently raising children too, but with their current wives. The wives also support their decision to not have a relationship with their other children.

And yeah this happens in DCUM-land/UMC circles, too. You see a loving husband and dad with a happy family and an expensive house and have no idea from the surface (unless you know the family well) he has another child he abandoned. I knew of several families like this growing up in a nice neighborhood.