Just ask them if you can have it because you like it and toss it out. Take the smaller things and remove into the trash when they are not watching.

Anonymous wrote:Hire one of those downsizing companies that specialize in this. They will come out and be incredibly empathetic while sorting through the stuff and “finding good homes” for it.

This is the answer. My other suggestion is the offer to take stuff because you know "someone" who wants it. More work for you, but, it might ease your parents' minds. Try and be empathetic. It's not about their stuff, it is about getting older, moving, etc. This is why hiring a professional takes you out of the process and makes it more neutral.

If they can't part with it, I think it's reasonable for them to take their favorites and put the rest of the items in storage.

My mom is deeply sentimental, and it would crush her to know her stuff is being gotten rid of.

We are in a situation where my mom may need to live with us. We have one bedroom for her.

If she can't get rid of 90% of her house, which is incredibly difficult, I'm going to request that my sibling put it in storage near their house.

My sibling is about an hour from me so not an unreasonable amount of effort to get something. But, out of the way, so easy access is limited.

At some point, I imagine they may not ask about it anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire one of those downsizing companies that specialize in this. They will come out and be incredibly empathetic while sorting through the stuff and “finding good homes” for it.

This. If she can afford it, do this. There are a lot of crazy antics I had with elderly parents where I should have removed myself and let a paid and trained stranger deal with it. It takes away your resentment and they behave more and are too embarrassed to show their loony side to strangers. When i hired out more, my resentment decreased. I had far more patience and kindness to offer and my sense of humor returned.

+1 A company that specializes in downsizing and this population can be super helpful. Some will also pack up everything and sort at their warehouse -- sell via consignment/online auction, donate, recycle, or trash-- then send you detailed receipts for the donated and a check for what was sold.

A company I had great success with was graceful transitions: https://www.gracefultransitions.org

How do they charge? A flat rate plus percent of anything sell or donate? What is approx flat rate?

They will come to see the space and provide an estimate. It is based on hourly rates for the number of people involved, plus supplies. The estimates were clear and charges transparent.

Go to an estate sale sometime. It feels like a reckoning and is great motivation to at least declutter and live with less in your own household.

With my mother I just box and stack things.

If there’s any chance of ever retrieving something, no matter how slim, label the boxes with everything that is in them. I tape a letter sized piece of paper and write “2001 cell phone” “Christmas card envelopes from 2008 for address harvesting” “magazines 1991” “fish plate” etc.

The labels are mainly a gift to my future self when I’m eventually getting rid of everything. In case my uncle or sister says “hey where is that fish plate we used at Christmas” or something.

Now I would also maybe number them and snap a picture of the labels. I bet AI can digitize the lists for us now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire one of those downsizing companies that specialize in this. They will come out and be incredibly empathetic while sorting through the stuff and “finding good homes” for it.

This. If she can afford it, do this. There are a lot of crazy antics I had with elderly parents where I should have removed myself and let a paid and trained stranger deal with it. It takes away your resentment and they behave more and are too embarrassed to show their loony side to strangers. When i hired out more, my resentment decreased. I had far more patience and kindness to offer and my sense of humor returned.

+1 A company that specializes in downsizing and this population can be super helpful. Some will also pack up everything and sort at their warehouse -- sell via consignment/online auction, donate, recycle, or trash-- then send you detailed receipts for the donated and a check for what was sold.

A company I had great success with was graceful transitions: https://www.gracefultransitions.org

How do they charge? A flat rate plus percent of anything sell or donate? What is approx flat rate?

There’s big details missing from your post.

Are you talking about fully competent, reasonably healthy adults who are downsizing and mostly handling it themselves? Then MYOB. They’re free to make stupid mistakes, live in a cluttered place, pay for storage, or otherwise solve this problem however they want. Yes, you’re “right” but so what. And if they’re just asking you for help moving, that doesn’t entitle you to force them to make different choices.

If on the other hand you’re talking about people who are no longer able to handle their own affairs more generally (frail, not mentally all there, moving into a nursing home, etc) this is a MUCH harder situation and I feel for you. I don’t think there’s a great answer, but there a several good ideas on this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire one of those downsizing companies that specialize in this. They will come out and be incredibly empathetic while sorting through the stuff and “finding good homes” for it.

This. If she can afford it, do this. There are a lot of crazy antics I had with elderly parents where I should have removed myself and let a paid and trained stranger deal with it. It takes away your resentment and they behave more and are too embarrassed to show their loony side to strangers. When i hired out more, my resentment decreased. I had far more patience and kindness to offer and my sense of humor returned.

+1 A company that specializes in downsizing and this population can be super helpful. Some will also pack up everything and sort at their warehouse -- sell via consignment/online auction, donate, recycle, or trash-- then send you detailed receipts for the donated and a check for what was sold.

A company I had great success with was graceful transitions: https://www.gracefultransitions.org

Anonymous wrote:Just start removing some items when you visit and they aren't paying attention.

That’s theft.

You can’t. If they don’t listen to you, there is nothing you can do.

Anonymous wrote:Hire one of those downsizing companies that specialize in this. They will come out and be incredibly empathetic while sorting through the stuff and “finding good homes” for it.

+100

The woman who did my mom's house was my saving grace. I brought her in after I moved my mom to assisted living.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you convince a parent moving out of a house they’ve been in for 30+ years that they need to get rid of stuff and it does not have value (and no, I do not want it). Everything is a fight (“but that old 2000s cellphone is an antique now!” “This old electric typewriter is worth something.”). No, no there is no value (no one is going to buy this junk!)

How do I convince my parent that all of this belongs in the back of a 1800-Junk truck?

I say I have a friend on her first apartment and she needs the stuff. Then I throw it out.

They want it to go to use, and I want it gone. A white lie lets everyone get what they want.

And if you actually do have friends/neighbors/acquaintances with kids furnishing a post-college apartment, you can usually get rid of furniture. But yeah a white lie accomplishes the same thing.

^ this
This or something similar. They move in to a smaller place. They take a few things with them. Within a year, they will remember very little about what they left behind -- whether it's in a former house that hasn't sold yet, or in a storage unit.

We told our father we would pay for a storage unit for one year. We photographed, boxed and labelled and moved it to the storage unit. As time went by he lost interest in the items we moved. When the year was up, we quietly threw everything away. By pre-sorting and labeling - we knew what he needed at his new apartment and we could direct what went to storage. I would have been nicer not to have to pay for the years storage - but there was a lot of emotional baggage attached to the belongings and this provided the distance needed. During the year - he never asked about any of the things we had stored.